Friday, September 30, 2011

WWE Friday Night Smackdown, 9/30/2011

We actually start off cold on Smackdown with OH MAH GOODNESS Booker T coming out to interview Mean Mark Henry. Sheamus vs. Cody is announced for tonight FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP and as per Triple H’s orders from Monday, yet another Orton/Christian match. Booker introduces YOUR WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, Mark Henry. Booker says he was one of the first to congratulate Mark when he won the championship, and as a 6-time world champ himself, he knows how hard it is to get there. Booker offers a handshake of congratulations, which Mark refuses. Mark then says that Booker’s implying he’s six times better than him. Mark asks how can Booker kiss his ass AND insult him in the same sentence? Which of course Booker denies. Mark threatens to WSS Booker anyway, but he’s not out there for Booker, he’s there for Orton, and he wants to deliver a message: NoC was about the WHC. But at HiaC, the full induction to the Hall of Pain will occur. He says Kane, Big Show and Jerry Lawler’s heads are mounted on his wall, but Orton has a special place, right above his mantle. Booker asks if Mark knows how much influence he has over the WWE Universe…but Henry reminds Booker that for 15 years, he’s been on the straight and narrow and it got him nowhere. This is about domination, and Henry will be the most dominant WHC in history. Henry claims Orton can’t beat him, just like Khali won’t beat him tonight. He demands that Khali come out and Booker leaves the ring. Tremendous interview segment.

Khali comes out and yeah…he’s getting squashed. Khali’s actually getting SOME offense with a couple Khali chops finally brining Henry down. But Henry CARRIES KHALI TO THE CORNER and brutalizes him. Henry drags Khali to the middle of the ring and CHOCOLATE DROP x2 for the two! Henry looks angry, but that moment of hesitation is seized by Khali with a two-handed goozle signaling for the Tree Chokeslam but Henry kicks out of it, hits the World’s Strongest Slam and it’s OVER. Oh, but Mark’s not done yet. He grabs a chair and PILLMANIZES Khali’s leg. Henry walks out with the title. TREMENDOUS.

Backstage, Teddy Long is with Khali, who gets taken to the Local Medical Facility™ but Jinder Mahal yells at him for a little bit before TEDDEH steps in and sends him away. Anyway, here comes AirBoom, and Evan Bourne is gonna be in action. Huge hometown reaction for Bourne, and he’s up against Jack Swagger…who for some reason comes out to Ziggler’s music. Well, at least Ziggler’s there too. Wait…didn’t I watch these two have a months-long feud? Geez. Anyway, Swagger tries a Vaderbomb but eats Evan’s boots, followed up by a dropkick. KNEEEES gets a two-count and Vickie’s angry and gets on the apron, distracting the Ref. Ziggler hangs Evan up (like Swagger did for Dolph on Monday) and Swagger hits the Gutwrench Powerbomb for…COUNTER! Kofi intercepts Ziggler, which distracts the Ref, too, allowing Vickie to push off Evan’s Shooting Star Press attempt and the Anklelock by Swagger ends it. Could we see a SwaggLer tag team? Oh I’d Love it.

Sin Cara vs. Sin Cara is announced for HiaC, but WHICH SIN CARA IS THIS? This one has hair coming out the back, so I’m guessing this is Hunicara. And he’s up against Heath Slater and his horrible entrance music. AWESOME KICK from the outside to Slater inside followed up by a Swanton Bomb for three. Wait, that’s it?!

BUT. On the Titantron! Sin Cara takes off his mask to reveal…ANOTHER Mask! This time Black with Red Trim and White. This one says the other Cara stole his identity as Mistico, and this time it’s his turn. This Sunday, we’ll find out who is worthy of the name. Recap from Monday about the IC Title match and Christian’s distraction.

Another recap, this time of the COO/lawsuit angle from Monday. Backstage, Johnny Ace, Otunga, Vickie, Dolph, Swagger, Christian and Cody discuss the lawsuit. Ace says he can’t contact Haitch. Monday, STUFF WILL HAPPEN.

Oh Boy, here’s John Cena Kelly Kelly. In the ring, Natalya gets the Jobber intro. Ugh. Beth is on commentary. Nattie hits wonderful power moves on Kelly and gets the advantage early on, but a sudden sunset flip and LOL KELLY WINS. Beth gets up from commentary and runs Kelly over and hits her with a GLAM SLAM and Nattie locks in the Reverse Surfboard submission. Beth says Kelly’s screams of pain will be what the fans will hear when Beth wins the championship from the “Underserving Barbie Doll”. Nice.

Here comes Cody and the Bag Boys, and complains about WWE Management to force him to defend the championship twice this week. He’s going to defend the title under protest. And HERE COMES THE HUMAN JAR OF MAYONNAISE THE GREAT WHITE SHEAMUS. I still love how some fans actually put the paper bags on. Anyway, Cody is actually getting offense in. Sheamus then turns things around and BRUTALIZES Cody. Sheamus tries the chest punches but Cody counters with an elbow. Sheamus softens him up just a tiny bit and tries the chest punches successfully this time. Rhodes counters with a masked headbutt and an arm wrench. BEAUTIFUL DISASTER nets Cody a two. More mask headbutts! Sheamus gets out of the corner with kicks, but Cody keeps the advantage and keeps ups the attack of the left arm Cody wrenched earlier in the match. Excellent arm hold on Sheamus keeps him down for quite awhile until Sheamus tries grabbing the mask, causing Cody to try to throw him into the ringpost, but countered. Sheamus with a nice flurry of offense. Sheamus hits his flying shoulderblock for TWOOOOOOOO. Sheamus calls for the Brogue Kick, but Cody ducks, tries for Beautiful Disaster, but eats DOUBLE AXE HANDLE right in the…mask. Sheamus calls for the Celtic Cross, but Christian runs in for the DQ, hits Sheamus with the Killswitch.

NEVERMIND THAT SHIT, HERE’S ZACK RYDER. WWWKYI! He’s up against JTG this week on Zackdown. Yeah, Zack’s a full-fledged face. Cole’s calling him a goof. JTG hits Zack with a nice cradle Roll of the Dice for two. JTG’s got Zack in a submission. Zack tries getting out and JTG makes the mistake of throwing him to the corner, and Zack hits double knees. Zack gets a flurry of offense and hits a huge Broski Boot for two. ARE YOU SERIOUS, BRO?! asks Zack. JTG tries a clothesline but ROUGH RYDER OUT OF NOWHERE for the WIN.

Backstage, Johnny Ace is TEXTING SOMEBODY and behind him is Haitch! Ace is of course trying to cover his ass and oh god Haitch is wearing Pink what is this world coming to…anyway, the hometown hero is being interviewed by Matt Striker for GENERIC INTERVIEW #33853583235. Blah blah ending Henry’s run as champion.

Heeeeeeeeere’s Christian with his horrible T-Shirt. And here’s Orton with his generic wrestling. Jesus Christ, did he shower in baby oil? ORTON POSE. “One of the most even rivalries”? Really, Mathews? Didn’t Orton dominate the goddamn feud because WWE needed an unbeatable Cena figure at the expense of the heels? Christ. Anyway, Christian hits a niiiice dropkick and uses closed fists on Orton. Christian SPINEBUSTERS Orton for two. Yeah, this is the usual heel-gets-most-of-the-offense-then-LOLORTONWINS. Yeah, here we go. Orton fights out of the corner and Thesz Press. Christian tries…something but gets dropkicked in the face. Orton with the 10-punch in the corner, whips Christian to the other corner but PENDULUM KICK. Orton counters and hits a gutwrench sidewalk slam for two. Christian scouted Orton’s DDT, but a QUICK ROLL UP by Orton gets two. Orton Powerslam for two as well. Christian fights our of the corner, tries a crossbody but misses. RKO attempt into a back suplex. Christian calls for the spear, CONNECTS for TWOOOOOOOOOOO. Christian can’t believe it. Christian calls for the Killswitch, but Orton counters into the DDT. Orton calls for the RKO but Christian runs away. Orton follows him but DOUBLE COUNTOUT and that’s IT. Yeah, Orton don’t care, have to keep Orton strong. Orton pulls off the table’s cover, signals for the RKO on top of the table, but CODY RHODES INTERRUPTS, returning the favor from earlier. Rhodes and Christian beat up Orton for awhile and Cody eats the BROGUE KICK from Sheamus, who chases Christian into the crowd.

NEVERMIND THAT SHIT, here comes Henry. Orton tries an RKO but WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM. Henry tries to Pillmanize Orton, but eats an RKO out of nowhere. Yawn. Yeah, Mark’s retaining this Sunday.

Final Thoughts: I’m tired of Orton, but I am enjoying Henry beating the shit out of him. LOVE the evil Sin Cara costume. It’s so awesome. And I hear rumblings of Ryder breaking through the top 10 merch sales. I guess that’s why he’s finally getting attention. Good on you, Zack. Hopefully there’s an impromptu US Title Match for you this Sunday.

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