LAST WEEK: WWE teased a Daniel Bryan title run, and Teddy Long took it away. But then he won a title opportunity…
THIS WEEK: FOR TONIGHT! And MICK FOLEY HAS ARRIVED in a Santa Suit! Foley says it might be a month away from Christmas, but he is a Christmas fanatic. He welcomes us to this special Smackdown Live Holiday event RIGHT HERE IN CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA. And in St. Mick’s bag of goodies? Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry for the WHC in a STEEL CAGE. Also for tonight, A Miracle on 34th Street Fight, an All I Want For Christmas Over The Top Rope Battle Royal (winner gets their special wish granted by Santa Claus). Sadly, Michael Cole is here despite Mick’s best efforts (due to lawyers) BUT the lawyers didn’t dictate how Cole would dress. So Mick brings out Cole, in a REINDEER OUTFIT. Cole’s not happy. Mathews is dressed as an elf. And Mick brings out Booker T, who is in full Santa regalia! Booker doesn’t look happy. Mick says he wants to be all-inclusive and requests Booker spin around like a Dreidel, who complies while the Dreidel song plays in the background. Glorious. But Booker can dig the holiday spirit…until Cody Rhodes arrives (with awesome new music).
Rhodes says in the past, he’d allow this to go on, but he’s not bound by the mask anymore. He sees in the ring a lowly announcer making a fool of him and taking time from people like him who still has the skills. Booker says he has no beef with Cody, but don’t think for a minute that Booker doesn’t still have it. Cody says Booker is a liar and he DOES have a beef with Cody. Cody thinks Booker can’t hold a new title. Foley interrupts and says Cody is ruining his spirit. Foley books a Cody/Booker match for later, and starts things off with a Divas match.
Foley explains the match is a Mistletoe-on-a-Pole match. Whoever wins, can cash the Mistletoe to cash it in until Christmas. And Brie wins the match. But what does she win? The opportunity to kiss any Superstar of her choice from now till Christmas. I’m gonna guess she’ll cash in on Alberto.
Back from commercial, the long-lost Justin Gabriel arrives via Jobber entrance. AND HERE COMES JINDER MAHAL and no-one cares. He says Christmas is what’s wrong with this country, using money they don’t have to buy gifts for people they barely stand, to mask the insecurities and contempt for each other. Mahal says we’re all living a lie. Mahal starts off with a knee lift to Gabriel, pops a double underhook suplex and suplexes Gabriel on the ropes. He chokes Gabriel out on the ropes AND HERE COMES TED DIBIASE with a bag and gives out WWE Action Figures at ringside. Mahal gets distracted and KICKTOTHEFACE, 450 Splash and that’s it for Jinder.
BACKSTAGE, the Usos try teaching Mick the Siva Tau. Roddy Piper says he wants a new Straitjacket…and Mick leaves. Hornswoggle hands out Eggnog which Maxine refuses and HERE COMES DUSTY RHODES and Hornswoggle refuses Dusty’s gift of a picture of Lady Gaga eating a corned-beef sandwich and GOLDUST ARRIVES to say hi to his dad and both of them notice how weird people are backstage. Mick continues talking about how the Usos cried so much about one of the times Rikishi was busted open. Roddy talks to Trent Barretta about the fine art of using eye drops as laxatives and David Otunga, ever the spoilsport, recommends Trent not do that, as it is in direct violation of the WWE Rulebook. He calls for attention and says he has a message from Johnny Ace and he says to use Christmas Songs that are in the public domain, but recommends to shut the party down right now anyway. Foley says since Otunga is a Smackdown talent, he can put him in the Miracle on 34th Street Fight. Roddy Piper is excited about this for some reason. And Otunga’s opponent? Randy Orton. Oh boy.
BUT NEVERMIND THAT SHIT, THAT KANE RESURRECTED PROMO AIRED AGAIN.
They recap Cody throwing water on Booker’s face two weeks back. Backstage, ELF STRIKER interviews Booker, who gets assaulted by Cody, hitting Booker in the arm with the title. IN THE RING WITH JOBBER ENTRANCE is Tyson Kidd and here comes Kofi still sans Evan. They announce that due to the assault on Booker, the Cody/Booker match won’t happen. Kidd actually gets some offense, hits an elbow and gets two. Tyson gets a dragon sleeper on Kofi, then turns around into a headlock. Irish whip and both guys clothesline each other and Kofi gets his comeback. BOOM DROP and calls for Trouble in Paradise, but Tyson rolls outside. Tyson goes for a clothesline, but Kofi hits a dropkick on the outside. Kofi insults Cole and takes the Rudolph hat off. Tyson tries to attack from from behind and gets tossed back in the ring. Kofi wears the Rudolph hat and nose and hits a huge crossbody and that’s it. REINDEERS CAN FLY~
BACKSTAGE, Hornswoggle is trying to put an ornament on the tree, and Kaitlyn tells him to ask Santa to be taller this year. Teddy and Sheamus watch him storm off, and Sheamus asks what the All I Want For Christmas Battle Royal’s prize is. Teddy says only Foley knows, but it should be worth it. SOFTCORE PORN MUSIC HAILS THE ARRIVAL OF AKSANA and asks Sheamus to leave them alone. Aksana says they didn’t get parties in Lithuania, just new shovels. She asks about the Mistletoe tradition, and Teddy says to do what comes naturally. Teddy moves in for the kiss but Aksana eats the Mistletoe. Uhh.
Backstage, RANDY WALKS. And he enters the arena, and the crowd is still dead. Ugh. And here comes Otunga. Yeah, this is a squash. Orton tosses Otunga into two small Christmas trees. Otunga actually gets some offensw with shoulderblocks to the ring apron. He takes some Christmas Cookies, eats one, then waffles Otunga in the back with the pan. Then throws Otunga to the third tree. Otunga takes andvantage and throws Randy to the steps, then suplex to the concrete. Otunga grabs a candy striped kendo stick from under the ring, but Orton counters with a spear and hits Otunga with the cane. Otunga tries to get away but Randy manages to get Otunga in the head with one of the gift boxes. On the stage. Orton throws Otunga to the Christmas Trees. Orton tosses Otunga to the ring, and HANGING DDT FROM THE APRON TO THE CONCRETE but HERE COMES WADE and throws Orton to the ringpost, BIG BOOT and tosses Otunga in the ring. Otunga crawls and gets two on Orton. Otunga ambushes Orton in the corner, but Orton counters an irish whip with FIVE MOVES OF DOOM. CLOTHESLONE CLOTHESLINE SCOOP SLAM TAUNT RKO and Otunga’s done.
BACKSTAGE, Henry is angry because he’s defending his title while he’s injured, but he’s in the spirit of giving. Giving Daniel Bryan the beating of his life.
In the ring, there are a lot of people for the All I Want For Christmas Battle Royale. Hunico and Sheamus get entrances. And oh god why is Hornswoggle here? He’s in this? Why? He’s going to win this, isn’t he. Anyway, he goes under the ring and BRAWL. Order of tossage: Darren Young, Jimmy Uso, JTG, Curt Hawkins, Ezekiel Jackson, Johnny Curtis, Jey Uso, Kofi Kingston, Yoshi Tatsu, Ted DiBiase, Tyson Kidd, Percy Watson (During the break), Justin Gabriel, Titus O’Neil, Tyler Rex, Hunico, Jinder Mahal and Heath Slater. Sheamus and Hornswoggle are the last two. Sheamus and Hornswoggle each tell each other to go out of the ring. Sheamus tries tossing Jornswoggle out, but he hangs on from the top rope. They get on the apron and Sheamus tells Hornswoggle to get down. They negotiate a bit and Hornswoggle pushes Sheamus down. SHEAMUS IS ANGRY…at first, but congratulates Hornswoggle. So what is he going to wish for?
BACKSTAGE SHENANIGANS, The Bellas tell Ricardo to get them sone Eggnog. Dusty and Piper talks about Cena, and SANTA IS HERE and Hornswoggle’s wish is to talk normally. After a hug from Santa, he can talk. Twins (The Bellas), The Tree, Grandma…wait, that’s Vickie. EXCUSE ME. Foley asks why Hornswoggle can talk, SANTA DISAPPEARS and Dream and Piper toss their eggnog back in the bowl as Goldust declares this a Christmas Miracle.
ALSO BACKSTAGE. Daniel Bryan prepares for his big match. AJ kisses him for luck, and Matt Striker interviews him. Bryan says holding the belt is the greatest feeling in the world. Bryan knows Henry isn’t 100%, and sooner or later, everyone taps. Striker wishes him luck.
Bryan enters the cage, and here comes Henry. They play up that you can win the championship via Submission in the cage. Our ref is Lil’ Naitch, and AWW SHUCKY DUCKY HERE WE GO. Big match intros. Bryan quickly tries escaping, but Henry catches him. Bryan kicks the bum leg, but Henry pushes him off. Henry continues working the leg, but Henry tosses Bryan into the side of the cage. Bryan get squished by Henry. Back from the break, Henry vices Bryan’s shoulder. Bryan kicks his way out of it but he runs into a clothesline by Henry. Henry yells for the cage door to be opened, but Bryan hits a dropkick. Henry counters with a clotheline, and gets two. Open door, but Bryan hangs on to the injured ankle. CHOP BLOCK gets Henry down. Bryan stomps on the ankle and BRYAN TRIES ESCAPING THE CAGE but Henry grabs Bryan and hangs him up on the ropes and hits a clothesline. Bryan STILL hangs on to the ankle and gets kneelifted and clotheslined again. Henry grabs his leg in pain and gets Henry up for a World’s Strongest Slam, but DROPKICK TO THE LEG. LEBELL LOCK LOCKED IN but Henry’s way too big and tries slamming Bryan, but BRYAN GETS THE ANKLELOCK IN. Henry kicks Bryan off. While Henry’s down, Bryan tries to escape, Henry drags Bryan down. Henry tries CLIMBING THE CAGE but Bryan CLIMBS OVER HENRY. Henry grabs Bryan’s arm, but Bryan counters with a headbutt. Bryan tries a hurricanrana, but CLIMBS OVER HENRY but Henry grabs Bryan’s arm again. Henry headbutts, gets Bryan in the WSS position and HITS IT FROM THE SECOND ROPE and that’s it.
Final Thoughts: My God, was this crowd dead. The Divas Match was…eh, as usual.
The Mahal/DiBiase feud continues and no-one cares.
Otunga/Orton was what it was.
The Battle Royal was just a setup to get Hornswoggle to talk and get Sheamus over as a babyface, as usual.
Backstage insanity segments are always fun. Goldust steals the show once again.
And THAT MAIN EVENT. Bryan tried his very best but one mistake ended it. Great main event and it finally woke the crowd up before killing them again with the ending. We all knew Bryan wouldn’t win, but did you hear that reaction with his almost-escapes, LeBell Lock and the Ankle Lock? They just need to push Bryan more and he’ll be huge.