Tuesday, November 29, 2011

WWE Smackdown Holiday Special, 11/29/2011

LAST WEEK: WWE teased a Daniel Bryan title run, and Teddy Long took it away. But then he won a title opportunity…

THIS WEEK: FOR TONIGHT! And MICK FOLEY HAS ARRIVED in a Santa Suit! Foley says it might be a month away from Christmas, but he is a Christmas fanatic. He welcomes us to this special Smackdown Live Holiday event RIGHT HERE IN CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA. And in St. Mick’s bag of goodies? Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry for the WHC in a STEEL CAGE. Also for tonight, A Miracle on 34th Street Fight, an All I Want For Christmas Over The Top Rope Battle Royal (winner gets their special wish granted by Santa Claus). Sadly, Michael Cole is here despite Mick’s best efforts (due to lawyers) BUT the lawyers didn’t dictate how Cole would dress. So Mick brings out Cole, in a REINDEER OUTFIT. Cole’s not happy. Mathews is dressed as an elf. And Mick brings out Booker T, who is in full Santa regalia! Booker doesn’t look happy. Mick says he wants to be all-inclusive and requests Booker spin around like a Dreidel, who complies while the Dreidel song plays in the background. Glorious. But Booker can dig the holiday spirit…until Cody Rhodes arrives (with awesome new music).

Rhodes says in the past, he’d allow this to go on, but he’s not bound by the mask anymore. He sees in the ring a lowly announcer making a fool of him and taking time from people like him who still has the skills. Booker says he has no beef with Cody, but don’t think for a minute that Booker doesn’t still have it. Cody says Booker is a liar and he DOES have a beef with Cody. Cody thinks Booker can’t hold a new title. Foley interrupts and says Cody is ruining his spirit. Foley books a Cody/Booker match for later, and starts things off with a Divas match.

Foley explains the match is a Mistletoe-on-a-Pole match. Whoever wins, can cash the Mistletoe to cash it in until Christmas. And Brie wins the match. But what does she win? The opportunity to kiss any Superstar of her choice from now till Christmas. I’m gonna guess she’ll cash in on Alberto.

Back from commercial, the long-lost Justin Gabriel arrives via Jobber entrance. AND HERE COMES JINDER MAHAL and no-one cares. He says Christmas is what’s wrong with this country, using money they don’t have to buy gifts for people they barely stand, to mask the insecurities and contempt for each other. Mahal says we’re all living a lie. Mahal starts off with a knee lift to Gabriel, pops a double underhook suplex and suplexes Gabriel on the ropes. He chokes Gabriel out on the ropes AND HERE COMES TED DIBIASE with a bag and gives out WWE Action Figures at ringside. Mahal gets distracted and KICKTOTHEFACE, 450 Splash and that’s it for Jinder.

BACKSTAGE, the Usos try teaching Mick the Siva Tau. Roddy Piper says he wants a new Straitjacket…and Mick leaves. Hornswoggle hands out Eggnog which Maxine refuses and HERE COMES DUSTY RHODES and Hornswoggle refuses Dusty’s gift of a picture of Lady Gaga eating a corned-beef sandwich and GOLDUST ARRIVES to say hi to his dad and both of them notice how weird people are backstage. Mick continues talking about how the Usos cried so much about one of the times Rikishi was busted open. Roddy talks to Trent Barretta about the fine art of using eye drops as laxatives and David Otunga, ever the spoilsport, recommends Trent not do that, as it is in direct violation of the WWE Rulebook. He calls for attention and says he has a message from Johnny Ace and he says to use Christmas Songs that are in the public domain, but recommends to shut the party down right now anyway. Foley says since Otunga is a Smackdown talent, he can put him in the Miracle on 34th Street Fight. Roddy Piper is excited about this for some reason. And Otunga’s opponent? Randy Orton. Oh boy.


They recap Cody throwing water on Booker’s face two weeks back. Backstage, ELF STRIKER interviews Booker, who gets assaulted by Cody, hitting Booker in the arm with the title. IN THE RING WITH JOBBER ENTRANCE is Tyson Kidd and here comes Kofi still sans Evan. They announce that due to the assault on Booker, the Cody/Booker match won’t happen. Kidd actually gets some offense, hits an elbow and gets two. Tyson gets a dragon sleeper on Kofi, then turns around into a headlock. Irish whip and both guys clothesline each other and Kofi gets his comeback. BOOM DROP and calls for Trouble in Paradise, but Tyson rolls outside. Tyson goes for a clothesline, but Kofi hits a dropkick on the outside. Kofi insults Cole and takes the Rudolph hat off. Tyson tries to attack from from behind and gets tossed back in the ring. Kofi wears the Rudolph hat and nose and hits a huge crossbody and that’s it. REINDEERS CAN FLY~

BACKSTAGE, Hornswoggle is trying to put an ornament on the tree, and Kaitlyn tells him to ask Santa to be taller this year. Teddy and Sheamus watch him storm off, and Sheamus asks what the All I Want For Christmas Battle Royal’s prize is. Teddy says only Foley knows, but it should be worth it. SOFTCORE PORN MUSIC HAILS THE ARRIVAL OF AKSANA and asks Sheamus to leave them alone. Aksana says they didn’t get parties in Lithuania, just new shovels. She asks about the Mistletoe tradition, and Teddy says to do what comes naturally. Teddy moves in for the kiss but Aksana eats the Mistletoe. Uhh.

Backstage, RANDY WALKS. And he enters the arena, and the crowd is still dead. Ugh. And here comes Otunga. Yeah, this is a squash. Orton tosses Otunga into two small Christmas trees. Otunga actually gets some offensw with shoulderblocks to the ring apron. He takes some Christmas Cookies, eats one, then waffles Otunga in the back with the pan. Then throws Otunga to the third tree. Otunga takes andvantage and throws Randy to the steps, then suplex to the concrete. Otunga grabs a candy striped kendo stick from under the ring, but Orton counters with a spear and hits Otunga with the cane. Otunga tries to get away but Randy manages to get Otunga in the head with one of the gift boxes. On the stage. Orton throws Otunga to the Christmas Trees. Orton tosses Otunga to the ring, and HANGING DDT FROM THE APRON TO THE CONCRETE but HERE COMES WADE and throws Orton to the ringpost, BIG BOOT and tosses Otunga in the ring. Otunga crawls and gets two on Orton. Otunga ambushes Orton in the corner, but Orton counters an irish whip with FIVE MOVES OF DOOM. CLOTHESLONE CLOTHESLINE SCOOP SLAM TAUNT RKO and Otunga’s done.

BACKSTAGE, Henry is angry because he’s defending his title while he’s injured, but he’s in the spirit of giving. Giving Daniel Bryan the beating of his life.

In the ring, there are a lot of people for the All I Want For Christmas Battle Royale. Hunico and Sheamus get entrances. And oh god why is Hornswoggle here? He’s in this? Why? He’s going to win this, isn’t he. Anyway, he goes under the ring and BRAWL. Order of tossage: Darren Young, Jimmy Uso, JTG, Curt Hawkins, Ezekiel Jackson, Johnny Curtis, Jey Uso, Kofi Kingston, Yoshi Tatsu, Ted DiBiase, Tyson Kidd, Percy Watson (During the break), Justin Gabriel, Titus O’Neil, Tyler Rex, Hunico, Jinder Mahal and Heath Slater. Sheamus and Hornswoggle are the last two. Sheamus and Hornswoggle each tell each other to go out of the ring. Sheamus tries tossing Jornswoggle out, but he hangs on from the top rope. They get on the apron and Sheamus tells Hornswoggle to get down. They negotiate a bit and Hornswoggle pushes Sheamus down. SHEAMUS IS ANGRY…at first, but congratulates Hornswoggle. So what is he going to wish for?

BACKSTAGE SHENANIGANS, The Bellas tell Ricardo to get them sone Eggnog. Dusty and Piper talks about Cena, and SANTA IS HERE and Hornswoggle’s wish is to talk normally. After a hug from Santa, he can talk. Twins (The Bellas), The Tree, Grandma…wait, that’s Vickie. EXCUSE ME. Foley asks why Hornswoggle can talk, SANTA DISAPPEARS and Dream and Piper toss their eggnog back in the bowl as Goldust declares this a Christmas Miracle.

ALSO BACKSTAGE. Daniel Bryan prepares for his big match. AJ kisses him for luck, and Matt Striker interviews him. Bryan says holding the belt is the greatest feeling in the world. Bryan knows Henry isn’t 100%, and sooner or later, everyone taps. Striker wishes him luck.

Bryan enters the cage, and here comes Henry. They play up that you can win the championship via Submission in the cage. Our ref is Lil’ Naitch, and AWW SHUCKY DUCKY HERE WE GO. Big match intros. Bryan quickly tries escaping, but Henry catches him. Bryan kicks the bum leg, but Henry pushes him off. Henry continues working the leg, but Henry tosses Bryan into the side of the cage. Bryan get squished by Henry. Back from the break, Henry vices Bryan’s shoulder. Bryan kicks his way out of it but he runs into a clothesline by Henry. Henry yells for the cage door to be opened, but Bryan hits a dropkick. Henry counters with a clotheline, and gets two. Open door, but Bryan hangs on to the injured ankle. CHOP BLOCK gets Henry down. Bryan stomps on the ankle and BRYAN TRIES ESCAPING THE CAGE but Henry grabs Bryan and hangs him up on the ropes and hits a clothesline. Bryan STILL hangs on to the ankle and gets kneelifted and clotheslined again. Henry grabs his leg in pain and gets Henry up for a World’s Strongest Slam, but DROPKICK TO THE LEG. LEBELL LOCK LOCKED IN but Henry’s way too big and tries slamming Bryan, but BRYAN GETS THE ANKLELOCK IN. Henry kicks Bryan off. While Henry’s down, Bryan tries to escape, Henry drags Bryan down. Henry tries CLIMBING THE CAGE but Bryan CLIMBS OVER HENRY. Henry grabs Bryan’s arm, but Bryan counters with a headbutt. Bryan tries a hurricanrana, but CLIMBS OVER HENRY but Henry grabs Bryan’s arm again. Henry headbutts, gets Bryan in the WSS position and HITS IT FROM THE SECOND ROPE and that’s it.

Final Thoughts: My God, was this crowd dead. The Divas Match was…eh, as usual.

The Mahal/DiBiase feud continues and no-one cares.

Otunga/Orton was what it was.

The Battle Royal was just a setup to get Hornswoggle to talk and get Sheamus over as a babyface, as usual.

Backstage insanity segments are always fun. Goldust steals the show once again.

And THAT MAIN EVENT. Bryan tried his very best but one mistake ended it. Great main event and it finally woke the crowd up before killing them again with the ending. We all knew Bryan wouldn’t win, but did you hear that reaction with his almost-escapes, LeBell Lock and the Ankle Lock? They just need to push Bryan more and he’ll be huge.

Monday, November 28, 2011

WWE Monday Night Raw Supershow, 11/28/2011

LAST WEEK: John Cena broke up the most AWESOME Tag Team in recent memory.

THIS WEEK: Roddy Piper asks some questions! BUT ANNOUNCED: Punk vs. Del Rio rematch! BUT RIGHT NOW ROWDY RODDY PIPER! And he’s in a tuxedo jacket and an open shirt. What. Roddy tells the crowd that they give him energy to become a hall of famer. Tonight, ONE MAN IN THE BUILDING says maybe the energy the crowd gives him isn’t important to him. Cena arrives to the usual mixed reaction. And he’s yelling at us again. Cena asks why isn’t the audience’s reaction important to him. Roddy plays word association and says Stone Cold, Bret and Rocky’s names to big cheers. Cena’s name gets MIXED REACTION. Roddy says he’s trying to help. He says when everyone was yelling at Rocky to Rock Bottom him and he did, the crowd came unglued. Cena says this isn’t the first time this happened, and says there’s a group of loyal fans and they’re loyal to him, but you can’t please everybody. Cena says that’s the energy he was talking about, because the crowd can do what they want. Roddy says Cena doesn’t care. Roddy says Cena’s the face of WWE and the booing is getting louder and says Cena’s losing it. Roddy says if Cena doesn’t say what he really feels about the booing fans, he will lose. Cena gives examples: Wrestlemania 22, he got hate. Hall of Fame ceremony the night before, he got shit. Money in the Bank this year, he got shit. The TLC Match with Edge, he got shit. Hammerstein Ballroom, ECW one night stand, he got shit. Cena says it was New York being New York, and Rocky had a great night. ONE GREAT NIGHT. He points out two kids in the audience, and tells Roddy they’re having the time of their lives. He did three Make-A-Wishes today, and there are men and women in uniform and they are all having the time of their lives. He tells Roddy to read his shirt: Rise Above Hate. That’s why it’ll never get to him, why he’ll never get rattled and that’s why he’ll walk into Wrestlemania and he can beat the Rock. Roddy says he came a long way to have him in Piper’s pit. He says he’s proud of Cena, and it’s his generation that passed the torch. He knows Cena is there every day and Rocky just comes one day. He gives Rocky his Hall of Fame ring, and tells Cena to get this off his chest and if he doesn’t, he’ll be in denial and It’s going to kill his chances. Cena says he’s in a good place. RODDY SLAPS CENA and tells him to FEEL THE ENERGY. Cena gives Roddy back his ring and walks away.

NEXT: JoMo vs. The Miz. FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE. Oh Hi, JoMo, and MIZ ATTACKS WITH A LEAD PIPE TO THE LEG. JoMo wants to continue, though. He gets in the ring, limping, and JoMo tries getting some offense in but Miz counterattacks with LEG TO RINGPOST. Singapore Cane to the FACE and JoMo hits a clothesline…and grabs the Kendo Stick and attacks Miz relentlessly. JoMo tries a cover and gets two. JoMo crawls to the Kendo Stick and uses it as a crutch to go after a crawling Miz. they get to the stage and Miz POSSUM throws JoMo into the big WWE Logo. Miz hits the a SKULL CRUSHING FINALE and I guess that’s how JoMo’s going out of WWE. REF STOPPAGE. But hey, he fought his way out.

They put JoMo on a stretcher and Miz comes out with the mic. He walks to the ring and Johnny Ace…umm…observes, I guess. Since he’s the Interim GM and all. Miz says last week, it was Truth. This week, it’s JoMo. Next week? We’ll see. There’s only one superstar that could make this kind of impact and statement, and that’s the Miz. And he can do it because he’s the Miz, and he’s awesome. All in monotone. Huh.

In the ring, the Bellas vs. Alicia Fox and Kelly Kelly and…ugh, I don’t care. The Divas of Doom have arrived and they’re just jogging around the ring. Hilarious. Alicia with a moonsault legdrop gets the win and, yeah. That was it.

JOHNNY ACE is backstage and promises Brodus Clay he'll debut next week on the phone. Otunga asks why he’s delaying Clay’s debut, and Ace says it’s to make Brodus so angry that his Debut will have impact. Alberto arrives and Johnny asks if Alberto is ready. Because last time Alberto said he’s ready, he lost at Survivor Series. He says he wants a champ that has integrity. Alberto says he’ll walk out tonight as champ and PUNK HAS ARRIVED. Punk says 156,000. Ace asks what the hell he’s talking about. Punk says after Ace said he had 36,000 followers on Twitter, he ran the numbers and a quick Google search of “Laurinaitis” and “Spineless” yielded 156,000 results. Tremendous. Del Rio is incredulous, but Punk says 918,000. That’s the number of hits if you type in “Del Rio” and “Boring” on Google, and congratulates Del Rio on being 9 times as boring as Johnny Ace is Spineless. And as for Otunga, every time Punk types in his name, he just gets hits for Jennifer Hudson. HA! Punk says he knows this is a private meeting about how the safe, vanilla GM wants his safe, vanilla Champion but it’s not going to happen because the title stays with him. Punk leaves and Otunga says Punk might get himself intentionally DQed. Ace makes the Del Rio/Punk match Title Changes Hands on DQ. Oh boy.

Backstage, Orton and Ziggler WALK. But WADE BARRETT joins us on commentary. Randy comes out first, bland as ever. And his spray-tan is dripping. Uck. And here comes Ziggler with his crappy new theme. But hey, if anyone can drag a good match out of Orton, it’s Ziggler. They lock up to start and Orton gets Dolph in a headlock. Ziggler gets a rollup for two after a good series. Orton hits a clotheline on Ziggler and he takes a breather on the outside. They lock up again and Randy hip tosses Ziggler and stomps on the joints. Cover gets two. Suplex and Knee drop MISSED. Ziggler takes advantage. Backbreaker attempt by Orton countered into a rollup. Ziggler hits a dropkick to Orton, which takes Orton outside. Dolph gets two in the ring. Ziggler stomps a mudhole in Orton, tries a flying forearm and Orton sidesteps. Orton hits a couple European uppercuts but Ziggler hits a neckbreaker but gets two. Ziggler hits MMA ELBOWS and tries for a top rope move but Orton kicks the rope. Orton hits a superplex for two. Orton and Ziggler slug it out after the commercial break. FIVE MOVES OF DOOM. CLOTHESLINE CLOTHESLINE POWERLSAM DDT RKO TEASE. Ziggler rolls out of the ring when he sees Orton. Wade distracts Randy, who hits a dropkick but ZIG ZAG OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE to get the three!

IN THE RING, DANIEL BRYAN is being interviewed by Michael Cole. Who reminds us that Bryan has a match for the WHC tomorrow on Smackdown, but says he was given it. Bryan counters that he earned that match. He says he doesn’t expect accuracy or good announcing from Cole, and says Cole is the worst announcer (huge pop) but he expects that he earned a bit of respect. Cole says he doesn’t respect Bryan because he tried cashing the MitB briefcase, because he got on his vegan high horse and told everyone that he’d cash it in at Wrestlemania. Cole calls him a hypocrite, and that it’s hysterical that Bryan’s title win was reversed. He says if he were the GM, he’d strip Bryan of the briefcase and suspended him indefinitely because Bryan disgusts Cole and he hopes Mark Henry tears him apart in the cage. Bryan says he’s right about being a Hypocrite. He had a plan to cash it in at Wrestlemania, but those plans changed because Henry tried to induct him in the Hall of Pain and tried to end his career, and saw that the Briefcase didn’t guarantee him anything. He saw an opportunity and took it. But he got another opportunity and will step in the Steel Cage tomorrow. He says Henry may try to decimate him, try to end his career and try to put him in the Hall of Pain, but even though his dream was to main event Wrestlemania, but what’s more important to him is becoming the World Heavyweight Champion.

Henry interrupts and scoffs at the thought of Bryan beating him, and says Bryan should be ashamed of trying to beat a defenseless man, and Teddy Long should be ashamed of booking him in a Steel Cage match when he knows Henry’s halfway injured. But it’s OK, because he’s the World’s strongest Champion and will defend the championship tomorrow. He says Bryan can talk, but whether he’s on two legs, one leg or no legs at all, Bryan can’t beat him. Bryan walks up the ramp and incredulously “I can’t beat you?!” and KICKS HENRY’S INJURED LEG and says “we’ll see tomorrow night” and walks to the back. NICE. Star-making promo by Bryan.

IN THE RING…Jack Swagger gets the jobber entrance. And WWW, Ryder is here! Ryder gets taken down by Swagger and gets taken down quickly. Ryder rallies and hits a flying forearm, but gets countered into a belly to belly by Swagger for two. Swagger hits a scoop slam and a leg drop for two. Swagger locks Ryder’s arm and Ryder gets out of with with a neckbreaker for two. Swagger eats an elbow in the corner, Zack gets caught and eats a knee to the side. Swagger tries for a Vaderbomb, gets caught on Ryder’s hand, tries again, eats RYDER’S BOOTS and ROUGH RYDER wins it!


And HERE COMES MICK FOLEY. In a SANTA OUTFIT. No pop. This is a fucking terrible crowd. He runs down the card tomorrow and does it in POEM FORM.

BACKSTAGE…Punk gets asked by Mathews about the DQ stip and says Ace is dealing from the bottom of the deck. So he invites Ace to kiss his bottom. Which is to say, kiss his ass, Ace. Then Punk continues WALKING. Ricardo introduces EL PATRON in a 2010 Aston Martin Vantage v8 ($140,000) and his new shirt. BUT NEVERMIND THAT SHIT. IT IS TIME FOR CLOBBERING! Punk gets Del Rio in an arm hold, reversed by Del Rio. Punk throws ADR to the corner and monkey flip and back to the arm. Del Rio counters and tosses Punk into a headlock. Punk tosses ADR out, but ADR gets a shoulderblock and immediately goes for an arm lock. Punk and Del Rio run the ropes and ELBOW by Punk followed up by Clothesline and SUICIDE DIVE. Back from commercial, Del Rio works over Punk’s arm and stomps on it, gets two. During the break, Punk got caught in the Tree of Woe and Del Rio kicks Punk’s arm. ADR keeps stomping on Punk. He goes up top, gets a double axe handle to the shoulder and gets two. Del Rio traps the arm between the ropes and corners Punk. Punk kicks Del Rio’s face, crossbody but Del Rio moves out of the way, gets two. Punk battles out of it, but TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER gets two. Del Rio continues working the arm with stomps, goes up top and gets another double axe handle and gets two. Del Rio looks frustrated and continues working the arm. Punk tosses ADR but KICK TO THE FACE gets two. Del Rio goes up top yet again and this time Punk kicks him out of the air. He gets two. Punk and Del Rio clobber each other in a BOO YAY exchange. Dol Rio gets the advantage, whips Punk and EATS A SPINNING HEEL KICK and NECKBREAKER for two! Punk goes for the Clotheline/Bulldog combo, but Del Rio with KNEES TO PUNK’S ARM and gets two. Del Rio gets a German suplex and gets two. Del Rio calls for Cross Arm Breaker, Punk counters with GTS attempt but DDT by Del Rio gets two. Del Rio with a LOUD kick to Punk’s back. He undoes the turnbuckle, Ricardo tosses a chair in while Lil’ Naitch is distracted and tries the Eddie Guerrero trick, but Punk tosses the chair to Del Rio and falls down, Del Rio tosses the chair right when Charles Robinson turns around. Robinson sees the chair and almost calls for the bell but CM PUNK FOR THE ROLLUP but only gets two, ADR with the Back cracker gets TWOOOOOOOO. Ricardo distracts Lil’ Naitch and Del Rio tosses the turnbuckle pad off. But PUNK HITS THE GTS ON THE EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE and that’s IT!

Ricardo’s protesting, telling Robinson about the turnbuckle. Lil’ Naitch keeps the decision and Ricardo eats a GTS to end the show.

Final Thoughts: Well, that was a very interesting first segment. Can this really mean a Cena heel turn, maybe? I don’t think there’s any way to get Cena back in the fans’ collective good graces unless they free his moveset up.

Bye Bye JoMo! You had a great fighting exit against someone you know well, and it made both of you look strong. But I’m not quite sure about Cold Bastard Miz.

Diva’s match was what it was. Hilarious run-in by Nattie and Beth.

Ziggler and Orton put on a great match, and my god, Orton put Ziggler over.

I love how they’re testing the waters with Daniel Bryan. Bryan put on a star-making promo against Cole, and teased tomorrow’s match. I really do hope they put on a back-and-forth match. I’ll cover it tomorrow.

Swagger and Ryder was what it was, aside from Swagger botching the finish. They did cover up well, at least.

THAT MAIN EVENT. Del Rio and Punk’s styles compliment each other and I like how they worked around the stipulation. Makes you wonder what obstacle Johnny Ace is going to put in Punk’s way next week.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Random Comics, 11/23/2011


Green Lantern: The New Guardians #3 – So, Kyle just went Rainbow Lantern on us and fizzled out, destroying all the other rings except Kyle’s Green ring (which Ganthet tried to rescind but something happened to Kyle when he used the Ranbow rings) and the Orange ring which turned out to be Fake and contained Glomulous. The crew going after Kyle goes in for them, but get their asses handed to them by the Guardians when LARFLEEE DROPS BY WITH SAYD. Aww yeah.

Aquaman #3 – Undersea Humanoid People Eaters. And Aquaman and his wife are going to kick their asses. The Mer-Cannibals finally retreat and Aquaman takes a dead one to the man who trained him to use his powers to find out more about it. Oh, and this guy tried to kill him. Good times. They find out that the creature came from the Trench and…uhh…that’s it. Damn it, Johns.


Invincible Iron Man #510 – After Fear Itself, Tony stark hires Splitlip the Elf on his company. And he’s only been three days sober. And Zeke Stane and The Mandarin are working together. The Mandarin somehow found out about Tony falling off the wagon, and leaked it to the press. Oh boy.

The Mighty Thor #8 – So apparently with Tanarus’ arrival, everyone forgot Thor existed…except Loki. And Norrin Radd is getting a JOB. And apparently, Tanarus is an ILLUSION cast by Karnilla…which means Thor is still SOMEWHERE. And that somewhere? The Demogorge! Aww yeah, we’re in for a treat.

Pick of the Week:

Fantastic Four #600 – We’re thrown in a full-scale Kree invasion due to the rebirth of the Supreme Intelligence out of two of the alternate Evil Reed Richardses. The Fantastic Four and the Avengers try to save New York as the Four Cities WAR. Evil Reed has kidnapped Doom and Nathaniel Richards to Latveria. The Annihilation Wave was going to be started but OH MY GOD HUGE RETURN. We go flash back to this man’s last moments and it is revealed THIS MAN led a resistance in the Negative Zone and in a bad-ass moment, he kicked Annihilus’ ass. MEANWHILE, Black Bolt and Medusa talk Psychically because she’s the most favored wife. Bolt doesn’t know these wives. They reaffirm their love for one another as Medusa tells the Queens of the Inhumans to prepare. MEANWHILE, Reed Richards meets Galactus, who says the Earth will be “broken” and will save it because of the Galactus Seed still on it (as seen in recent issues of Thor) and warns Reed and Sue about…Franklin? Uh oh. MEANWHILE…waaaaaaaay back, Franklin created a baby universe and put it in his closet. Him and Leech have been coming to that universe to clean it up and…umm…the universe talks back. Uh oh.

Monday, November 21, 2011

WWE Monday Night Raw Supershow, 11/21/2011

LAST NIGHT: CM Punk won the WWE Title, The Rock showed no ring rust whatsoever, and it was an awesome PPV.

TONIGHT: Jonah Hill guest stars. Well, shit.

And CM Punk arrives as YOUR NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWE CHAMPION. And apparently Jerry Lawler’s voice is shot. Which is why Booker T is covering for him. Punk is given the PIPE BOMB and tells us a story. He says he was asked in the first grade what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said he wanted to be a professional wrestler. And since he is a lifelong fan, it was a special moment for him to win the title at MSG. He did this on his own and he says the hot potato crap is over and the title is staying on the shoulder of THE BEST IN THE WORLD. He says he is the new face of the WWE even if the “higher-ups” don’t like it. Like he told Del Rio, he’s going to make the title interesting again. He says he wants to be an agent of change and he wants to know where the WWE Ice Cream Bars are. And he wants to change INTERIM GENERAL MANAGER JOHN LAURINAITIS into FORMER INTERIM GENERAL MANAGER JOHN LAURINAITIS. Speaking of whom, ACE INTERRUPTS and he says they could have a non-adversarial relationship since both of them want the same thing: what’s best for the WWE Universe. Ace congratulates Punk and he’s taking the high road because he doesn’t understand Punk’s issue with him.

Punk says McMachon is a greedy, money-grubbing, soulless bastard, but he’ll tell that to you to your face. Punk compares Ace to Bill Lumberg without the comedy. GLORIOUS. Punk says that reference is way over Ace’s head because he’s so out of touch. Punk says not to call the audience a WWE Universe, they’re FANS and the Universe crap is just a buzzword to keep his bosses happy. Punk says Ace is manipulative and that he is a soul-sucking middle-management douchebag stooge. WHOA. DAT’S NOT PG. Ace says he’s UPPER-Management. He says he has a wild side and he’s creative and dynamic. He’ll prove it by giving Del Rio his rematch next week. Punk counters why not now? Ace says he’ll test the mettle of the championship tonight by facing Dolph Ziggler in a Champ vs. Champ match. Punk says it’s not creative or innovative at all, it’s just stupid. Ace isn’t listening to the fans, he says. They don’t want Punk vs. Ziggler (CUE WE WANT RYDER CHANTS), they want Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder. But Ace says Ryder is busy tonight with Del Rio. Punk says all right and says he’ll beat Ziggler tonight and Del Rio next week. Then he goes up to Ace and threatens one day, SOMEONE will beat some sense into him. Aww, Shucky Ducky.

BUT WAIT. Cole says Zack Ryder doesn’t just have CM Punk and he thousands in MSG behind him, after Survivor Series, THE ROCK puts his support behind Zack after hearing the THOUSANDS IN ATTENDANCE chant WE WANT RYDER, WOO WOO WOO. AND HERE COMES ZACK RYDER AND THE CROWD LOVES HIM. And he’s filming Z!TLIS. AND HERE COMES EL PATRON (in a 2009 Bentley, $175,000) and Ryder steals Ricardo’s mic and WWWYKI. Glorious. And Del Rio beats Ryder down immediately, focusting on the arm. Ryder gets out of it with PUNCHES and nice volley and DLAPJACK. DEL RIO RUNS INTO RYDER’S KNEES and HITS THE BROSKI BOOT  on ADR. He calls for Rough Ryder, but Del Rio pushes Ryder into the ropes. ENZIGUIRI and CROSS ARM BREAKER and it’s over. BOO THIS MAN.

HERE COMES SHEAMUS and he is YELLING and LOBSTER HEADS and TOO MANY LIMES. And poor Jack Swagger. He’s gonna get brutalized. Lockup and Swagger takes Sheamus down with a belly to back but Sheamus brutalizes Swagger. He runs out of the ring and yells for the Ref to get Sheamus in control. Swagger finally gets the advantage and VADERBOMB for two. Sheamus completely brutalizes Swagger with a flurry of high impact moves. Sheamus goes up top and misses a Battering ram, but rolled through, BROGUE KICK ATTEMPT, Swagger ducks and ANKLELOCK. Sheamus counters and BROGUE KICK and GOOD NIGHT SWAGGER.

Backstage, KEVIN NASH (WITH BEARD) IS ON HIS WAY OUT. AND HE IS HERE. Last night, he was at MSG and thought of what could have been. In that arena, he beat Backlund in eight seconds. In that arena, four friends (Hall, Shawn, himself and Haitch) put their friendship above the business. But when he came back, he didn’t get a friend, Nash found a boss. He says last night, it should have been him and Haitch in the main event, taking on Rock and Cena, but it didn’t happen because Triple H is gone, taken out by his own Sledgehammer, by Nash. He says the real survivor of the Kliq stands before you. Aww, them’s fighting words.

IN THE RING is Cody Rhodes and he mentions being disfigured made him a victim of predators like Orton. But Cody is unrepentant and free. AND HERE COMES SANTINO. And…yeah, this is a squash. Quick CrossRhodes ends it. And after the match, Cody yells at Booker and throws water in his face. TELL ME YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT.

BACKSTAGE…Josh Mathews interviews Dolph. Ziggler says he doesn’t want to be a showoff but he is the new face of WWE. Ziggler comes out with a…slightly different theme. It’s the same song, but different verse at the beginning. He, sadly, is no longer perfection. And HERE COMES PUNK. And apparently it is time for clobbering. Hunker down, kiddies. This is gonna be wrestling 101. Punk puts Ziggler in a headlock, which Ziggler counters into a headscissors, which is counters into a reverse full nelson. And it’s HOLD EXCHANGE AFTER HOLD EXCHANGE. They run the ropes and Dolph chickenshits out of the ring. Back in the ring, KICKS  gets two, Dolph with a neckbreaker for two. Ziggler gains the advantage and wears Punk down slowly. Just noticed Ziggler has HASTAG HEEL on his trunks. Nice. Ziggler puts Punk in a chokehold, but Punk battles out but eats a kneelift for two. Punk VERY SMARTLY ignores Vickie’s distraction, but Ziggler moves out of the way of Punk’s corner knee. Dolph does a headstand before the break. Yes, you heard that right. Back from the break, Punk finally gets the advantage and almost gets the GTS but gets countered into the SLEEPER. Punk was fading a bit, but gets up and forces the GTS position. Ziggler goes for FOOT LEVERAGE, Punk counters with ARM LEVERAGE. Sweet. OPunk counters the ZIG ZAG by holding on to the ropes and KNEE/BULLDOG COMBO gets twoooo. Punk calls for the MACHO ELBOW but Ziggler rolled away, but Punk eats a DROPKICK OUT OF NOWHERE for two. Zigger puts Punk up on the ropes, Punk counters with MONGOLIAN CHAP and hits the MACHO ELBOW and the crowd chants for the GTS. Ziggler counters it into a reverse T-Bone and gets TWOOOOO. Ziggler is ANGRY and the Ref keeps them apart. Ziggler charges Punk, but Punk hits a Spinebuster, then a GTS for the WIN. TREMENDOUS MATCH.

What’s this? A Kane teaser? OH SO VERY WANT. WEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL, it’s the Big Show. And he has the stick. He regales us with his story of how he’s better than Mark Henry and Henry took the easy way out with the nut shot. But Show promised only one of them would walk out of Survivor Series. Apparently, Mark’s leg isn’t broken. Show promises to punch Henry out when he comes back.

BACKSTAGE…The Divas of Destruction say that unlike their characters in ‘12, the Barbie Doll Divas will cry after getting beat. WADE BARRETT WALKS TO THE RING. And Kofi Kingston enters as well. Wade just dominates Kofi early on, but Kofi counters Wade’s Side Slam into a rollup for two. Wade goes for Wasteland, and ORTON COMES OUT to interrupt and distract Wade for a bit. Back from commercial, Wade’s still in control on Kofi but Randy’s sticking around. TREMENDOUS TILT-A-WHIRL SIDE SLAM gets two. Fuck ow. BOOT TO KOFI’S FACE while he’s hung up on the ropes gets twoooooooo. Wade’s just brutalizing Kofi and looking back at Orton. Kofi counters the barrage with kicks, but Wade keeps shooting it down. Kofi with an insane suicide dive to Wade on the outside. Kofi climbs to the top rope, but Barrett intercepts and threatens a Wasteland from the top rope, but Kofi fights out and CROSSBODY for TWOOOOO. Kofi gets the Boom Drop, PENDULUM KICK but Wade kicks the rope out from under Kofi’s springboard and WASTELAND looking right at Orton and that’s it. Wade rubs the win in Randy’s face. Ha! Orton threatened to hit Wade and Barrett flinches. Ugh, GOTTA KEEP ORTON STRONG.

Cena arrives (and for some reason, tells us that someone wanted him to deliver a baby, but he’s not qualified) and BOO THIS MAN. The last 24 hours have been interesting, he says, because of Zack Ryder (who Cena reminds to follow on Twitter) and Punk. But he talks about his and Rocky’s win last night. And the aftermath, he says Rocky wanted Cena to get into the ring and says he ate a Rock Bottom. And that makes Wrestlemania…OH SHIT HERE COMES AWESOME TRUTH.

REALLY?, Miz asks. He says Cena’s ego won’t let him admit that Rocky showed him up. And that 17,000 people were chanting DON’T TAG CENA. He says Cena always says YOU CAN’T SEE ME, and that last night, nobody wanted to see Cena. Oooo, dem’s fightin’ words. Truth asks Cena what color the sky is in his world. Truth enlightens him on what will happen: BOOTS TO ASSES ON HIS FRUITY BOOTY. Cena yells at them to shut up and threatens them. He says that Rocky hasn’t lost it and no-one cares about Awesome Truth. Nope, Cena. Cena’s trying to turn Awesome Truth against each other and walks away. Ugh, don’t tell me they’re teasing dissension between Awesome Truth. Why? Why are they fighting? This is Cena’s doing! Miz says Cena’s playing both of them. They finally get on the same page and go backstage to…WAIT SKULL CRUSHING FINALE ON TRUTH ON THE STAGE. GODDAMMIT, CENA. WHY YOU BREAK UP AWESOME TAG TEAM?

Final Thoughts: Punk’s promo at the beginning was tremendous, as always. I can’t wait to see Punk fuck with Ace.

Ryder and Del Rio was what it was. Listen to the crowd, Vince. They want Ryder.

Sheamus vs. Swagger was…eh. Good match, but filler.

Nash’s promos are nailing it. I want to see him and Haitch get it on.

Squashing Santino was just to give Cody some mic time. Can’t fault ‘em for that, Cody’s been great the past few months. Not sure about the Booker T/Cody feud, though.

Ziggler/Punk was just lovely. Certainly made this Raw a better show than most Raws.

Kofi/Wade was just a big Orton/Wade teaser. I like that they’re pushing Wade, but where the fuck was this push when he was leader of Nexus? He really should have gotten the belt.

Ugh, and that final segment. Awesome Truth is a great tag team. They played off well together. Why break them up now?

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Random Comics, 11/16/2011


Justice League #3 – LAST ISSUE: STAR Labs exploded in a burst of Mother Box and so did Victor Stone. THIS ISSUE: Wonder Woman fights some Parademons and joins Supes, GL, Flash and Batman. Meanwhile, Victor Stone’s dad puts Apokalyptian technology on him and AQUAMAN HAS ARRIVED TO KICK SOME ASS. This was waaaaay more action-packed than the last two issues combined.

Green Lantern Corps #3 – So yeah, Guy Gardner and John Stewart bring a bunch of Lanterns to investigate some murders and they get overpowered. Good thing they’ve got the entire corps as backup. But the teleporting guy didn’t get all the Lanterns. So John Stewart and a handful of Lanterns are now up against an army of guys who actually use Willpower, too.


Avengers #19 – It’s team-building time, right when Norman Osborn is rebuilding his Dark Avengers. Daisy Johnson (of Secret Warriors fame) is investigating Norman’s escape, Our new fighting Avengers are: Captain America, Iron Man, Red Hulk, Hawkeye, Vision, Spider-Woman, Daisy Johnson/Quake, Noh-Varr/Protector and Storm. And who interrupts the Avengers unveiling press conference than Norman Osborn himself. This won’t end well.

Avengers Academy #22 – I love how Magneto helps with the Jocasta murder mystery just because Hank wasn’t among the Avengers who wanted to kill Wanda. Nice little reunion between Quicksilver and his father. And of course it doesn’t go well, so YAY FIGHTY TIME. They eventually stop and Magneto informs them that of the power sets of the faculty and students, the culprit isn’t among them. And Finesse finally meets Magneto for the first time and decides his way of teaching isn’t for her, and requests Quicksilver’s way instead. Nice.

Pick of the Week:

Amazing Spider-Man #674 – THE VULTURE IS BACK! And the Kingpin is angry that his Hand army doesn’t have Spider-Powers anymore. BUT WHAT’S THIS? He has a mole in Horizon Labs with a Spider-Sense jammer. Uh-oh. Apparently, there are a bunch of new Vultures burglarizing high-rise apartments. I like Vulture’s new look. HE PIMPIN’ NOW. Out with the green, in with the black.

Monday, November 14, 2011

WWE Monday Night Raw Supershow, 11/14/2011



We’re starting off Raw with the…Michael Cole Challenge. Ugh. Well, at least it gets that bullshit out of the way. King is announcing alone. Cole arrives in an ill-fitting white suit and asks for our attention, please. He says JR is in Boston tonight and Cole introduces him. JR arrives and he’s about to kick ass. The Michael Cole challenge consists of three challenges: Arm Wrestling (which JR promptly wins), a Dance-Off (which JR promptly wins by BUSTING A FUCKING MOVE), and finally a who weighs less competition (which JR los…OH WAIT HERE COMES CM PUNK WITH A PIPE BOMB.

Punk says Cole’s time is up. Punk said since Cole didn’t give JR a fair shot, and this is a colossal waste of time. Punk says between Cole, Del Rio and Johnny Ace, it’s become unbearable. Cole’s only been there for a bit and it already feels like three hours. JOHNNY ACE IS HERE and says his Twitter says they want the competition to continue. Punk says screw him and his Twitter followers. Ace says he cares about his Twitter followers and the WWE Universe and he’ll give them what they want. Tonight, it’s Punk and Big Show vs. Mark Henry and Del Rio. Punk ponders this and Cole demands an apology for all the things he said. And Punk apologizes by HEADBUTT then PUTTING AN ANACONDA VICE on Cole to shut him up for the night. THANK YOU, PUNK!

Matt Striker is backstage and HE IS BACK. FROM THE LIMO, HERE COMES MICK FOLEY! And Mick says this is a night neither Cena nor Rock will forget. THEN CHEAP POP. I MISSED THAT MAN SO MUCH.

SIN CARA IS HERE AND HE HAS COME TO BOTCH. And his tag partner for tonight is Kofi! From one Wellness risk to another. THIS IS PROGRESS. Their opponents for tonight are Cody Rhodes (WITH NEW AWESOME THEME AND NO MASK) and Hunico. Him and Sin Cara start and FLIPPY SHIT right at the beginning. Kofi tags in and DOUBLE AXE HANDLE on Hunico’s arm. Hunico eats a springboard monkey flip, DROPKICK and DOUBLE CROSSBODY to Cody and Hunico to the outside. DEM’S FAST ACTIONS. Back from commercial, Cara is in a Boston Crab from Hunico (HE’S NOT EVEN FROM BOSTON) and TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER. Cody and Hunico work pretty well together in getting Cara out of his corner. Cody eats a headscissors and HOT TAG to Kofi. FLIPPY FOREARM on Cody and FLIPPY CROSSBODY gets two until Hunico interrupts, he gets tossed out followed by Cara, and in the ring, Cody gives Kofi CROSSRHODES and that’s it.

BACKSTAGE, ROCKY IS HERE WITH HIS GRAYING GOATEE. ALSO BACKSTAGE, Santino is playing WWE ‘12 early and ZACK RYDER IS HERE and asks Santino to sign his petition. And they squabble about Rock and Cena, but they agree that they will annihilate Awesome Truth. Vickie arrives to say Christian is out of the 10-man Survivor Series match. GOOD NEWS? Dolph is now on Team Barrett. (WHERE’S MY US TITLE MATCH?!) Tonight, Dolph is facing Mason Ryan NEXT. Ace accompanies Michael Cole (in a sling) to replace JR on Commentary. GODDAMMIT. But at least JR gets the last laugh. He goes for a handshake but pats Cole’s injured arm instead. Nice. And HERE COMES MASON RYAN with all the personality of a slab of beef. Ryan steamrolls Ziggler with a clothesline and a big boot. Ryan gorilla presses Dolph and Vickie slaps him for the DQ. Well. What. JoMo throws Dolph back in and eats a FULL NELSON SLAM.

FOLEY IS BACKSTAGE and Zack gets Folkey to sign the petition and WWWYKI FIST PUMP. CAR CRASH. I MISSED THAT SONG SO MUCH. I love that he’s wearing a half Team Bring It half Cena shirt. Foley grabs the stick and says “as a Kansas farm girl once said, there’s no place like home”. He sells the Cena/Rock match. I love how Cena gets booed in his home town. Foley says he’s going to get them to make up and introduces Cena. Cena thanks Foley, but he doesn’t need to be friends with Rocky for them to be a tag team. Rock is one of the best. Foley says he respects Cena, and he got heat on Twitter for saying Cena is one of the best to ever step in the ring. CHEAP POP for effect, RIGHT HERE IN BOSTON, THIS IS CENA’S LIFE. VIDEO TRIBUTE WITH BABY/CHILDHOOD PICTURES OF CENA! Oh god, this is so hilarious. Cena is cringing in the ring. Glorious. Foley brings out Cena’s little league coach. The coach relays a story about how John struck out. And how John cried. Foley brings out BULL BUCHANAN. OH GOD. And they play an old clip of John in better days. And oh god, here comes B2. Bull relays a story about Cena being the greatest tag partner of his. Teaming with Cena was the greatest time of his life. For B2, it…hasn’t been all that great…uh oh. And Bull yells that Cena ruined his life. Foley brings out…JOHN CENA SR. OH GOD. JOHNNY FABULOUS! He tells the CENA SUCKS fans off, tells them that THEY suck, not John. Cena’s CRINGING. HOW DARE YOU HASSLE MY SON, he says. So what if Little Children love him? The booing fans aren’t cool. Junior interrupts Senior and tells him this isn’t the time. Cena says those guys he brought out isn’t his life. The ring is his life, boo him or cheer him. Foley says it hasn’t gone all that well, but he brought the best out for last. He tries to introduce…someone, but HERE COMES ROCKY…and he promptly ROCK BOTTOMS FOLEY. Well. That was hilarious.

Barrett vs. Orton is announced. GEE, GUESS WHO WINS THAT ONE. Sheamus arrives sans tan. Swagger arrives with Vickie. Sheamus brutalizes Swagger early on. Swagger manages to take down Sheamus, but Sheamus counters with CLOTHESLINE and KNEES. Sheamus clotheslines Swagger outside. CHEST PUNCHES and SUPLEX gets two. SWAGGER WITH A BELLY-TO-BELLY for TWO. Nice. Swagger manages to get the advantage and slingshots Sheamus with kiney shots until Sheamus hits a powerful Clothesline. Sheamus with some brutal offense and gets two. Sheamus calls for Celtic Cross, but Swagger hits a clothesline to the back of Sheamus, hits the VADERBOMB and ANKLELOCK ATTEMPT countered by kicking Swagger outside. Sheamus hits the Irish Curse backbreaker, BROGUE KICK and that’s all.

Backstage, the Bellas sign the Ryder petition, and they mack on Del Rio. ADR says he’ll throw the biggest party in New York. Ryder says they have to party in the LI instead. Ricky, Al, and the Bellas leave Zack alone. Aww. In the ring, Kelly is up against Natalya, who…gets rolled up in a Sharpshooter attempt. What was that segment? Christ.

BACKSTAGE…Johnny Ace is ON THE PHONE WITH BRODUS CLAY and he delays his debut again to next week. ADR is here and Ace says Punk has been showing ADR up. ADR says the industry is better with him as champ instead of Punk. ADR threatens to make sure Punk won’t even make it to Survivor Series. ALSO BACKSTAGE is the Awesome Truth and…they’re not talking to Matt Striker at all. TREMENDOUS. PUNK IS WALKING BACKSTAGE. And is attacked by ADR! The refs separate them.

IN THE RING, RICARDO INTRODUCES EL PATRON (who rides in in a Mercedes Benz SL550, $120,000) and Justin Roberts introduces Mark Henry (with awesome new shirt). Big Show arrives with his stupid WMD Shirt and Punk (and it’s not Clobbering time) and he’s going straight for ADR. Show calms him down and we start with him an ADR. Del Rio CLUBS THE FUCK out of ADR and OW FUCK CHOP OW OW TWICE OW. Scoop slam and Punk tags in and I think Punk is angry and sumps a mudhole in ADR. Punk Suplex gets two. Show tags in and PUNCH. ADR tags Henry in and IT’S TIME FOR SLOW. Henry overpowers Show twice after tying up. Show finally overpowers Henry after a third time, tries a scoop slam but CHOCOLATE DROP gets Henry two. Henry focuses on Show’s leg. ADR tags in and KICKS SHOW’S FACE OFF. Henry tags back in but Show gets the advantage after headbutts and a shoulderblock knocking Henry down. Henry runs away and tags ADR and they get into it. Back from commercial, apparently Punk has tagged in and him and ADR are down. ADR tags Henry in and VICIOUS ATTACK on Punk. Henry stands on Punk’s chest. Henry tags ADR in and focuses his attack on the injured shoulder of Punk. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets ADR two. Henry tags in and continues brutalizing Punk. ADR tags in and Punk battles out of Del Rio’s submission. Punk with NECKBREAKER and KICK TO HENRY. SHOW KICKS HENRY TOO. Punk goes for the flying clothesline on Del Rio, but Henry pushes him out of the way and CATCHES PUNK IN MID-AIR AND WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM. Show chases Henry out but Del Rio pins Punk anyway. Del Rio puts Punk in the Cross Arm Breaker for awhile until Show returned to break it up. Del Rio runs away.

HERE COMES SANTINO. AND HE’S ON THE MIC. OH SHIT. He reminds everyone that this is the city and the building where he became the Royal Rumble runner up and says next time he comes to Boston, he will be a champ AND HERE COMES KEVIN NASH. With his own stick. Santino asks Nash to please not beat him up to make a statement. Nash said he was a fan of Santino and asks to see the Trombone…and kicks Santino’s head off. Nash said he got the biggest reaction and says he’s here and Haitch isn’t. Jacknife Powerbomb to Santino and NASH LEAVES.

NEXT WEEK…Jonah Hill guest stars and I don’t give a shit. NEVERMIND THAT SHIT, WADE BARRETT ARRIVES with his Survivor Series team in tow. Wade grabs the stick and says Orton is the past and he is the Present and Future. In front of his team, he will de-venomize the viper. Randy Orton (having shaved his pube beard) and his SS team arrive. This was an okay match until Cody attacks Orton for the DQ and HUGE BRAWL with Orton hitting the RKO and Ryan tosses Hunico to his team.

The crowd is hot for Rocky. Nice. Boston smells what the Rock is cooking and he grabs the mic. He runs his day down and even after shooting GI Joe in New Orleans, he couldn’t wait to say FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO BOSTON. IN SIX DAYS, Survivor Series…but it isn’t right now. He says he loves Foley like a brother but he couldn’t sit backstage while Foley serves that segment up to the fans. When Rocky speaks, it trends on Twitter. Like when he says BOOTS TO ASSES. And the fans eat it up and chants BOOTS TO ASSES. Goddamn, he still has it. He came all the way here to rock Monday Night Raw. And he wants Awesome Truth RIGHT NOW. Cue Awesome Truth’s music and they WALK TO THE RING. Miz tells Rocky REALLY. Truth tells Rock that if he thinks he’s going to do anything to them, he’s delusional. Raw gets Rocked? Whenever Awesome Truth is on the show, Raw gets AWESOME. Miz doesn’t care about Rocky’s day, he and Truth just want to leave Rock a mess. But it’s not happening yet. They don’t care what Rock wants and what the people want. It’s what Awesome Truth wants. They want to make history at Survivor Series. Today Raw gets Rocked, but at SS, Rock gets Beat. AND HERE COMES CENA TO RISE ABOVE A HAT, I suppose. Cena asks Miz if he’s wearing makeup. He says to excuse Rocky says he’s the captain of Team Bring It all Rocky’s brought is messages via satellite. Rocky says to excuse Cena because this is the first time he’s getting support from someone who has hit puberty. Ouch. Rock says he should stop being concerned about rising above hate, and start getting concerned about Rocky’s size 15 boot rising up and kicking him in the lady parts. ALSO CENA’S LADY PARTS IS TRENDING WORLDWIDE. And the crowd chants Lady Parts. TREMENDOUS. Cena says they have to be a team and if Rock’s Ego gets in the way, Cena bitchslapped Rocky is going to trending worldwide. Miz says he’s sick of this crap. The last time Rock and Cena bickered, he won the main event at Wrestlemania. Truth says Little Johnny and Little Rocky go back and forth for the Little Jimmies, they’ll leave and see them Sunday. Rocky stops them and reminds them that BOOTS TO ASSES. Rock hits the Rock Bottom on Truth. Cena has Miz up for the AA, but grabs Miz for the ROCK BOTTOM. And YOU CAN’T SEE ME on Cena from the stage. Nice.

Final Thoughts: Well, Raw was a mixed bag for a go-home show for SS.

The Michael Cole challenge was a waste of time (except for JR BUSTING A GODDAMN MOVE and CM PUNK WITH THE VICE) and I thought we were rid of him for the night, but noooooooo…

The Cara/Kofi vs. Cody/Hunico match was fine, it sold the SS match. The Ziggler/Ryan match WAS a waste of time, too.

The This Is Your Life segment was both hilarious and painful. I didn’t agree with Rocky Rock Bottoming Foley at the end, though.

Swagger/Sheamus was fine, but goddamn. Give Barrett’s team SOMETHING aside from looking good on paper.

I won’t even dignify the Diva’s segment with a response. Clearly it was just an ad for Kelly’s Maxim cover.

The Punk/Show vs. Henry/ADR match was pretty good in selling both matches. It’s hard to believe Punk and Show were feuding just two years ago, but they make an effective team here. Well, aside from losing the match.

Santino/Nash segment was what it was. Just feeding Nash someone until Haitch returns.

The Barrett/Orton match I didn’t elaborate on because you know since their teams are surrounding the ring, it’ll end in a brawl.

The final segment got the crowd hot. Rock still has the crowd eating from the palm of his hand and the guys in the back should study Rock’s portion of the segment. It was just clear and effective in his desire to get back in the ring, even if he has to team with Cena to do it.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Random Comics, 11/9/2011


Green Lantern #3 - So to recap, Sinestro is asking for Hal’s help in stopping the Sinestro Corps from taking over Korugar. Back on Oa, Ganthet, recently un-emotional again, suggests creating a third army to replace the Green Lanterns. As a failsafe if ever Sinestro needed to shut down his corps, a Green Lantern battery is needed to be placed inside the Central Battery of the Sinestro Corps. But…well, shit. That didn’t go as planned.


Point One (One Shot) – So yeah, this baby sets up next year’s storylines, with a framing story about two people infiltrating Watcher’s hideaway since the Watcher is in a fugue state once every three years for 42 minutes. Here, they observe these events: a Nova Corpsman escaping the coming of the Phoenix (now in Blue), something about a human squad called the X-Terminated in the AoA universe, Kaine leaving New York after Spider-Island and establishing himself as the new Scarlet Spider, Twins called Coldmoon and Dragonfire going after a corporation that made them - Taiji, Doctor Strange discovering a man who has seen a machine that…contains the Defenders, and the Ultron War. The two people who saw all these will use the data to give to someone called the Unseen, who will kill the Watcher. Uh-oh.

New Avengers #18 – The new Dark Avengers are gathered: Skaar, Barney Barton, Ai Apaec, Gorgon, June Covington and Superia as Hulk, Hawkeye, Spider-Man, Wolverine, Scarlet Witch and Ms. Marvel. In addition, AIM has also recovered the Thor Clone, Ragnarok. Uh-oh. Apparently we’re marching toward the Ultron War with this, so…I’m intrigued.

Battle Scars #1 – We’re introduced to Sgt. Marcus Johnson, a soldier, who is apparently going to be one of the most important people in the Marvel Universe. At his mother’s funeral, Steve Rogers and Sharon Carter apparently know who he is. Taskmaster goes after him, but is stopped by Captain America. So who is Marcus Johnson and why is he so important? I’m hooked.

Pick of the Week:

Magneto: Not A Hero #1 – Footage leaks on the Internet of a murder of an anti-mutant group by Magneto. The President has Captain America look into it. Scott Summers and Magneto arrive to say they have proof that Magneto was five states away from the incident at the time, but Cap and Iron Man have DNA evidence. Magneto uses his own Magnetosphere version of Cerebra to find the culprit and…oh my god, I am blown away by the reveal. Longtime X-Fans should be, too.

Monday, November 7, 2011

WWE Monday Night Raw Supershow, 11/7/2011


THIS WEEK: We’re in Liverpool. Aww yeah.

And we start with Cena being booed heavily, and Cole’s still pushing Twitter. Cena talks about Rocky’s response from last week. Rocky isn’t here even via satellite. But next week, he’s back. CHEAP POP for Liverpool on Raw, and Cena claims to be teaming with a future WWE Hall of Famer. BUT HERE COME THE AWESOME TRUTH. Miz says last week’s humiliation will just up the ante. He lists Cena’s opponents at Mania and reminds him that he pinned Cena clean when they couldn’t. Miz claims that last week is the last time Awesome Truth will be embarrassed by Cena. Truth says the people should chuckle it up, because nobody will be laughing after Survivor Series…or what will happen to Cena tonight, and will GET GOT whoever will tag with Cena. Cena reminds them that his partner’s popularity has skyrocketed, and that he’s the Tenth Wonder of the World. Miz tells him it doesn’t matter and they surround Cena…BUT HERE COMES ZACK RYDER AND EVENS THE ODDS. CENA AND RYDER vs. AWESOME TRUTH IS SET FOR TONIGHT. AND THE CROWD GOES WILD. Next up, John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler (with Vickie in a…schoolgirl outfit? What?)

Ziggler comes out first followed by JoMo, who has been on a serious jobbing streak as of late, and they mention he hasn’t won a match since August. JoMo and Ziggler tie up early and Dolph gets the early pin attempt and headlock, countered into a headlock of JoMo’s own. Dolph gains the advantage but JoMo flapjacks Dolph for two. Ziggler JAWBREAKERs JoMo and FLYING ELBOW for two. PELE KICK for JoMo drops Dolph outside but Ziggler CLOTHESLINES THE SHIT out of JoMo for two. Back from the break, Ziggler puts JoMo in a submission hold, and FLYING ELBOW to the back of the neck gets two. Ziggler hits a beautiful Dropkick and COCKY COVER gets two. Dolph hits a neckbreaker and TAUNT. JoMo retaliates with a corner beatdown, derailed by an elbow by Dolph. Dolph keeps putting JoMo in a headlock (targeting JoMo’s injured neck) but JoMo rolls him up for TWOOOooo. Ziggler puts JoMo back in the headlock and Dolph gets throwin in the ropes, CATAPULT into the turnbuckle, CLOTHESLINES and KICK from KoMo bring Ziggler down. JoMo tries Moonlight Drive, countered by FLIPPY LUCHA DDT for TWOOOOOOO. JoMo drags Ziggler for Starship Pain, Ziggler moves out of the way, Dolph tries a schoolboy for two. Ziggler calls for Zig Zag, but nabs the rope and SPRINGBOARD KICK…but Vickie gets on the apron to distract the Ref. Ziggler tries to School Boy, but JoMo counters with CRUCIFIX PIN for THREEEEEEEEEEEE. THE LOSING STREAK IS OVER.

Also, why does the Survivor Series theme song sound more like it belongs to Summerslam? Anyway, CLUSTERFUCK TRADITIONAL SURVIVOR SERIES MATCH is announced, with Team Orton (Randy, Sin Cara, Mason Ryan, Sheamus and Kofi) vs. Team Barrett (Wade, Christian, Swagger, Cody and Hunico). Yeah, Cara and Hunico were added in because of Evan Bourne’s suspension. Mason Ryan has arrived in…somewhat near his hometown and in the ring, getting the Jobber entrance is JTG. Video package on Ryan to remind us that he does exist. GO WELSHTISTA GO! So yeah, this is pretty much a squash. Ryan hits power moves everywhere, and finally puts JTG in a Full Nelson Masterlock-into-a-Full Nelson Slam for three.

BACKSTAGE, Ryder macks on the Bellas. All three go WWWYKI. I think the Bellas are DTF. Oh, and Nash is here. PLAY. Michael Cole says the Michael Cole Challenge is still open for next week. Ricardo Rodriguez announces EL PATRON, who arrives in a BEAUTIFUL Gunmetal Aston Martin DB9 Convertible ($200,000). They replay the Anaconda Vice segment from last week. Kofi’s here and coming out to his old music for the first time in awhile. And Kofi starts out with FLIPPYSHIT EVERYWHERE until Kofi misses a splash to the outside and Del Rio with the aggressiveness and starts working over Kofi’s arm for the Cross Arm Breaker. Kofi tries some offense, but ADR makes Kofi eat the ringpost, BACKSTABBER TO THE ARM and CROSS ARM BREAKER gets the submission. Del Rio puts the Cross Arm Breaker back on Kofi and HERE COMES PUNK.

Back from commercial, Del Rio yells at Punk on the stick, and reminds Punk that he had to ASK ADR for the match and not wait until after Show punched his lights out. Because of what he did last week, ADR says Johnny Ace empowered him to cancel the match but only if Punk agreed. Punk reminds Del Rio that he got cashed in on and got beaten by a lead pipe by him, and that’s why he resorted to the Vice. Punk says ADR is one-dimensional on the mic, always talking about destiny. Punk says he’s listened long enough about ADR’s destiny and will make the championship interesting again. ADR doesn’t care and since he’s the WWE Champ, HE is the best in the world. ADR asks Punk to cancel the match again, and Punk obviously says no after hilarious pondering. Del Rio attacks, but Punk counters the Cross Arm Breaker into the Anaconda Vice. Ricardo eats the GTS. Hot segment, and the crowd is totally in to Punk. I’ve missed crowds like this.

JACK SWAGGER HAS ARRIVED AND IT’S SWAGGIE TIME. Aww yeah. Vickie’s here, too. And HERE COMES SANTINO. Aww yeah. So yeah, this is basically a Swagger squash with some flashes of Santino brilliance sprinkled here and there. Man, does the crowd love Santino. But Swagger gets Santino in the Anklelock for the submission win.

After the commercial break, Kelly’s getting a Maxim cover, but HERE COME THE DIVAS OF DOOM and they mock Kelly for being a Barbie Doll (which is hilarious because Kelly’s real name IS Barbie). Beth says to be a WWE Diva isn’t a pretty face and a bucket full of perkiness and they threaten to make Kelly cry, but here come Eve and Alicia Fox to Eve’s shitty new theme. They finally unveil the Maxim cover and I still don’t give a shit.

JOHNNY ACE IS HERE and reminds us as always that he is the EVP of talent relations and Interim GM, and he introduces the newest member of Monday Night Raw, KEVIN NASH, with the quote-less NWO theme. BEARDNASH looks pretty great. He thanks Ace for bringing him back and explains that in 1995, he should have buried Haitch then, but Shawn liked him so he let him into the Kliq. Haitch won Nash over and they had a good friendship. Nash says that after getting the biggest pop at the Rumble, Nash didn’t get a call back from Haitch. Nash says Haitch is still the measuring stick but claims he’s still the best there is and could be World Champ. He says it felt good to attack Haitch with the Sledgehammer. As far as Nash is concerned, he showed them that’s how you play the game. Nice promo from Nash, and pretty much sold me on the whatever match they have soon.

BACKSTAGE, BOWTUNGA and Ace are backstage and says Brodus Clay needs an American audience to appreciate him. Punk interrupts, mocking Ace for not really knowing what the Audience wants. Otunga doesn’t think Punk is championship material, and that he looks like he works at a gas station. Punk asks regular or unleaded and HAMBONE to Otunga. EL PATRON out of NOWHERE puts Punk through the catering table and attacks until the Refs drag him off.

Awesome Truth arrive to tell England that they suck. WWWYKI, Ryder is here and is filming for Z!TLIS and Liverpool loves him. Oh, and here’s his Broski, Cena. Who really should have been wearing a headband. Cena starts off against Truth. They lock up, Cena with a shoulderblock pretty quick. Miz tags in and takes Miz down and drags him to the corner. Cena tosses him into the other corner and CLOTHESLINE gets two. WE WANT RYDER chants early on. Truth tags in. Cena tags Ryder in and the crowd goes WOO WOOO WILD. Ryder FLAPJACKS Truth and tosses him out. Cena fistpumps on the apron. Back on Raw, Ryder is actually doing well with Miz, who eats a second rope dropkick. Cena tags in and they hit a DOUBLE HIP TOSS on Miz, but Miz rallies and gets the tag from Truth. HEADLOCK on Cena. Truth with a front suplex to prevent a tag for two. Miz tags in and BOOT TO THE STOMACH. Miz chokes Xena on the bottom rope, then KNEES and KNEE LIFT keeps Cena down. Awesome Truth keeps Cena out of his corner until Truth misses with an assisted corner shoulder and Cena sneaks past Miz to tag Ryder in. Zack ATTACKS with KNEES to Miz’s face. DOUBLE BROSKI BOOT by Cena and Ryder. Ryder tries a Rough Ryder, but Truth punches him and Miz takes the advantage. Tag, DOUBLE KNEE DROP gets Truth two. Truth tags in and beats Ryder down. LET’S GO RYDER/WOO WOO WOO chants throughout the arena, but Ryder misses a dropkick. Ryder gets hung up on the ropes by Awesome Truth and Miz taunts Cena while beating Ryder. Ryder rolls Miz up for TWO, but gets punished by a clothesline followed up by VINTAGE CONRER CLOTHESLINE. Truth tags in and HEADLOCK. DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE by both men and HOT TAG  to Cena. Miz is in as well and FIVE MOVES TIME. DOUBLE PROTOBOMB, DOUBLE YOU CAN’T SEE ME by Ryder and Cena and Double Five Knuckle Shuffle. AA attempt blocked and DRIVE BY KICK, Truth keeps Cena from kicking out and THAT’S IT. Cena looks incredulous.

Final Thoughts: I like the setup for the main event, and giving Ryder the rub FINALLY.

Ziggler/JoMo was pretty great, and I did expect JoMo to lose but apparently they still have some plans for him.

Welshtista match was just…there, as was the ADR/Kofi match. And the Swagger/Santino match, actually. But that’s just to reestablish Swagger as, y’know, not a glorified jobber.


The Nash segment surprised me. THIS is the Nash of Old, not the laughable old man Punk made fun of. He was pretty off that night, I guess. But this segment sold me on the inevitable Nash/Haitch match.

The main event had more heat to it than any other main event I’ve seen in months. The crowd LOVED Ryder, but hated Cena. Awesome Truth needed the win tonight so beating Cena was good for them and the Survivor Series main event.


Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Random Comics, 11/2/2011


Red Lanterns #3 – So yeah, Atrocitus is giving Bleez more intelligence so he can have someone to help him rein in the other Red Lanterns. After a quick blood bath, Atrocitus brings Bleez to her home planet to kill those who led her to the Sinestro Corpsman who ripped her wings off. And sort of regrets his decision. I’m impressed, this actually felt like a whole issue instead of just a decompressed issue like the past two were.

Justice League International #3 – Booster Gold has a plan to stop the giant thingies that are threatening to destroy the Earth and just maybe regain his cred as the leader of the JLI. And of course things go wrong. Our villain is called Peraxxus, apparently. I am very sad it is not Manga Khan.


Uncanny X-Men #1 – So, Sinister will have something to do with the Dreaming Celestial. Uh-oh. Our new Uncanny field team is Cyclops, Emma, Magneto, Namor, Storm, Colossus, Magik, Hope and Danger. And back to Sinister, somehow he’s gotten control of the Dreaming Celestial and Cyclops’ new Extinction Team as he termed it is on the case. And they’re not doing well against a Celestial-powered Sinister. I’m intrigued, Gillen. Continue.

Avengers Academy #21 – There are some new recruits at Avengers Academy, and all of them are familiar. But…the old kids kind of resent it, but they get new full-time students in the new White Tiger and Julie Power. Hawkeye joins the teaching staff, and…umm…someone kills Jocasta. OH THAT LAST COUPLE OF PAGES. I’m in for the long haul.

Pick of the Week:

Amazing Spider-Man #673 – It’s the aftermath of Spider-Island and everybody’s naked. Aww yeah. And some revelations about MJ last issue have threads throughout this one. Madame Web informs Kaine that he miiiiiiiiight need the Stealth Suit he borrowed from Pete last issue. Oh, and a BREAKUP HAPPENS. Oooh, drama. And apparently because of Pete’s admission that he also has Spider-Powers from a few issues ago over the Internet no less, the spell Doctor Strange cast has weakened, and any sleuthy person can now find out Peter Parker’s identity as Spidey. COMPLICATIONS. But Mayor Jameson actually does Spidey a solid at the very end and we’re all good.