LAST WEEK: John Cena broke up the most AWESOME Tag Team in recent memory.
THIS WEEK: Roddy Piper asks some questions! BUT ANNOUNCED: Punk vs. Del Rio rematch! BUT RIGHT NOW ROWDY RODDY PIPER! And he’s in a tuxedo jacket and an open shirt. What. Roddy tells the crowd that they give him energy to become a hall of famer. Tonight, ONE MAN IN THE BUILDING says maybe the energy the crowd gives him isn’t important to him. Cena arrives to the usual mixed reaction. And he’s yelling at us again. Cena asks why isn’t the audience’s reaction important to him. Roddy plays word association and says Stone Cold, Bret and Rocky’s names to big cheers. Cena’s name gets MIXED REACTION. Roddy says he’s trying to help. He says when everyone was yelling at Rocky to Rock Bottom him and he did, the crowd came unglued. Cena says this isn’t the first time this happened, and says there’s a group of loyal fans and they’re loyal to him, but you can’t please everybody. Cena says that’s the energy he was talking about, because the crowd can do what they want. Roddy says Cena doesn’t care. Roddy says Cena’s the face of WWE and the booing is getting louder and says Cena’s losing it. Roddy says if Cena doesn’t say what he really feels about the booing fans, he will lose. Cena gives examples: Wrestlemania 22, he got hate. Hall of Fame ceremony the night before, he got shit. Money in the Bank this year, he got shit. The TLC Match with Edge, he got shit. Hammerstein Ballroom, ECW one night stand, he got shit. Cena says it was New York being New York, and Rocky had a great night. ONE GREAT NIGHT. He points out two kids in the audience, and tells Roddy they’re having the time of their lives. He did three Make-A-Wishes today, and there are men and women in uniform and they are all having the time of their lives. He tells Roddy to read his shirt: Rise Above Hate. That’s why it’ll never get to him, why he’ll never get rattled and that’s why he’ll walk into Wrestlemania and he can beat the Rock. Roddy says he came a long way to have him in Piper’s pit. He says he’s proud of Cena, and it’s his generation that passed the torch. He knows Cena is there every day and Rocky just comes one day. He gives Rocky his Hall of Fame ring, and tells Cena to get this off his chest and if he doesn’t, he’ll be in denial and It’s going to kill his chances. Cena says he’s in a good place. RODDY SLAPS CENA and tells him to FEEL THE ENERGY. Cena gives Roddy back his ring and walks away.
NEXT: JoMo vs. The Miz. FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE. Oh Hi, JoMo, and MIZ ATTACKS WITH A LEAD PIPE TO THE LEG. JoMo wants to continue, though. He gets in the ring, limping, and JoMo tries getting some offense in but Miz counterattacks with LEG TO RINGPOST. Singapore Cane to the FACE and JoMo hits a clothesline…and grabs the Kendo Stick and attacks Miz relentlessly. JoMo tries a cover and gets two. JoMo crawls to the Kendo Stick and uses it as a crutch to go after a crawling Miz. they get to the stage and Miz POSSUM throws JoMo into the big WWE Logo. Miz hits the a SKULL CRUSHING FINALE and I guess that’s how JoMo’s going out of WWE. REF STOPPAGE. But hey, he fought his way out.
They put JoMo on a stretcher and Miz comes out with the mic. He walks to the ring and Johnny Ace…umm…observes, I guess. Since he’s the Interim GM and all. Miz says last week, it was Truth. This week, it’s JoMo. Next week? We’ll see. There’s only one superstar that could make this kind of impact and statement, and that’s the Miz. And he can do it because he’s the Miz, and he’s awesome. All in monotone. Huh.
In the ring, the Bellas vs. Alicia Fox and Kelly Kelly and…ugh, I don’t care. The Divas of Doom have arrived and they’re just jogging around the ring. Hilarious. Alicia with a moonsault legdrop gets the win and, yeah. That was it.
JOHNNY ACE is backstage and promises Brodus Clay he'll debut next week on the phone. Otunga asks why he’s delaying Clay’s debut, and Ace says it’s to make Brodus so angry that his Debut will have impact. Alberto arrives and Johnny asks if Alberto is ready. Because last time Alberto said he’s ready, he lost at Survivor Series. He says he wants a champ that has integrity. Alberto says he’ll walk out tonight as champ and PUNK HAS ARRIVED. Punk says 156,000. Ace asks what the hell he’s talking about. Punk says after Ace said he had 36,000 followers on Twitter, he ran the numbers and a quick Google search of “Laurinaitis” and “Spineless” yielded 156,000 results. Tremendous. Del Rio is incredulous, but Punk says 918,000. That’s the number of hits if you type in “Del Rio” and “Boring” on Google, and congratulates Del Rio on being 9 times as boring as Johnny Ace is Spineless. And as for Otunga, every time Punk types in his name, he just gets hits for Jennifer Hudson. HA! Punk says he knows this is a private meeting about how the safe, vanilla GM wants his safe, vanilla Champion but it’s not going to happen because the title stays with him. Punk leaves and Otunga says Punk might get himself intentionally DQed. Ace makes the Del Rio/Punk match Title Changes Hands on DQ. Oh boy.
Backstage, Orton and Ziggler WALK. But WADE BARRETT joins us on commentary. Randy comes out first, bland as ever. And his spray-tan is dripping. Uck. And here comes Ziggler with his crappy new theme. But hey, if anyone can drag a good match out of Orton, it’s Ziggler. They lock up to start and Orton gets Dolph in a headlock. Ziggler gets a rollup for two after a good series. Orton hits a clotheline on Ziggler and he takes a breather on the outside. They lock up again and Randy hip tosses Ziggler and stomps on the joints. Cover gets two. Suplex and Knee drop MISSED. Ziggler takes advantage. Backbreaker attempt by Orton countered into a rollup. Ziggler hits a dropkick to Orton, which takes Orton outside. Dolph gets two in the ring. Ziggler stomps a mudhole in Orton, tries a flying forearm and Orton sidesteps. Orton hits a couple European uppercuts but Ziggler hits a neckbreaker but gets two. Ziggler hits MMA ELBOWS and tries for a top rope move but Orton kicks the rope. Orton hits a superplex for two. Orton and Ziggler slug it out after the commercial break. FIVE MOVES OF DOOM. CLOTHESLINE CLOTHESLINE POWERLSAM DDT RKO TEASE. Ziggler rolls out of the ring when he sees Orton. Wade distracts Randy, who hits a dropkick but ZIG ZAG OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE to get the three!
IN THE RING, DANIEL BRYAN is being interviewed by Michael Cole. Who reminds us that Bryan has a match for the WHC tomorrow on Smackdown, but says he was given it. Bryan counters that he earned that match. He says he doesn’t expect accuracy or good announcing from Cole, and says Cole is the worst announcer (huge pop) but he expects that he earned a bit of respect. Cole says he doesn’t respect Bryan because he tried cashing the MitB briefcase, because he got on his vegan high horse and told everyone that he’d cash it in at Wrestlemania. Cole calls him a hypocrite, and that it’s hysterical that Bryan’s title win was reversed. He says if he were the GM, he’d strip Bryan of the briefcase and suspended him indefinitely because Bryan disgusts Cole and he hopes Mark Henry tears him apart in the cage. Bryan says he’s right about being a Hypocrite. He had a plan to cash it in at Wrestlemania, but those plans changed because Henry tried to induct him in the Hall of Pain and tried to end his career, and saw that the Briefcase didn’t guarantee him anything. He saw an opportunity and took it. But he got another opportunity and will step in the Steel Cage tomorrow. He says Henry may try to decimate him, try to end his career and try to put him in the Hall of Pain, but even though his dream was to main event Wrestlemania, but what’s more important to him is becoming the World Heavyweight Champion.
Henry interrupts and scoffs at the thought of Bryan beating him, and says Bryan should be ashamed of trying to beat a defenseless man, and Teddy Long should be ashamed of booking him in a Steel Cage match when he knows Henry’s halfway injured. But it’s OK, because he’s the World’s strongest Champion and will defend the championship tomorrow. He says Bryan can talk, but whether he’s on two legs, one leg or no legs at all, Bryan can’t beat him. Bryan walks up the ramp and incredulously “I can’t beat you?!” and KICKS HENRY’S INJURED LEG and says “we’ll see tomorrow night” and walks to the back. NICE. Star-making promo by Bryan.
IN THE RING…Jack Swagger gets the jobber entrance. And WWW, Ryder is here! Ryder gets taken down by Swagger and gets taken down quickly. Ryder rallies and hits a flying forearm, but gets countered into a belly to belly by Swagger for two. Swagger hits a scoop slam and a leg drop for two. Swagger locks Ryder’s arm and Ryder gets out of with with a neckbreaker for two. Swagger eats an elbow in the corner, Zack gets caught and eats a knee to the side. Swagger tries for a Vaderbomb, gets caught on Ryder’s hand, tries again, eats RYDER’S BOOTS and ROUGH RYDER wins it!
And oh my god NEW KANE RETURN PROMO. KANE RESURRECTED. I’M MARKING OUT, BRO!
And HERE COMES MICK FOLEY. In a SANTA OUTFIT. No pop. This is a fucking terrible crowd. He runs down the card tomorrow and does it in POEM FORM.
BACKSTAGE…Punk gets asked by Mathews about the DQ stip and says Ace is dealing from the bottom of the deck. So he invites Ace to kiss his bottom. Which is to say, kiss his ass, Ace. Then Punk continues WALKING. Ricardo introduces EL PATRON in a 2010 Aston Martin Vantage v8 ($140,000) and his new shirt. BUT NEVERMIND THAT SHIT. IT IS TIME FOR CLOBBERING! Punk gets Del Rio in an arm hold, reversed by Del Rio. Punk throws ADR to the corner and monkey flip and back to the arm. Del Rio counters and tosses Punk into a headlock. Punk tosses ADR out, but ADR gets a shoulderblock and immediately goes for an arm lock. Punk and Del Rio run the ropes and ELBOW by Punk followed up by Clothesline and SUICIDE DIVE. Back from commercial, Del Rio works over Punk’s arm and stomps on it, gets two. During the break, Punk got caught in the Tree of Woe and Del Rio kicks Punk’s arm. ADR keeps stomping on Punk. He goes up top, gets a double axe handle to the shoulder and gets two. Del Rio traps the arm between the ropes and corners Punk. Punk kicks Del Rio’s face, crossbody but Del Rio moves out of the way, gets two. Punk battles out of it, but TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER gets two. Del Rio continues working the arm with stomps, goes up top and gets another double axe handle and gets two. Del Rio looks frustrated and continues working the arm. Punk tosses ADR but KICK TO THE FACE gets two. Del Rio goes up top yet again and this time Punk kicks him out of the air. He gets two. Punk and Del Rio clobber each other in a BOO YAY exchange. Dol Rio gets the advantage, whips Punk and EATS A SPINNING HEEL KICK and NECKBREAKER for two! Punk goes for the Clotheline/Bulldog combo, but Del Rio with KNEES TO PUNK’S ARM and gets two. Del Rio gets a German suplex and gets two. Del Rio calls for Cross Arm Breaker, Punk counters with GTS attempt but DDT by Del Rio gets two. Del Rio with a LOUD kick to Punk’s back. He undoes the turnbuckle, Ricardo tosses a chair in while Lil’ Naitch is distracted and tries the Eddie Guerrero trick, but Punk tosses the chair to Del Rio and falls down, Del Rio tosses the chair right when Charles Robinson turns around. Robinson sees the chair and almost calls for the bell but CM PUNK FOR THE ROLLUP but only gets two, ADR with the Back cracker gets TWOOOOOOOO. Ricardo distracts Lil’ Naitch and Del Rio tosses the turnbuckle pad off. But PUNK HITS THE GTS ON THE EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE and that’s IT!
Ricardo’s protesting, telling Robinson about the turnbuckle. Lil’ Naitch keeps the decision and Ricardo eats a GTS to end the show.
Final Thoughts: Well, that was a very interesting first segment. Can this really mean a Cena heel turn, maybe? I don’t think there’s any way to get Cena back in the fans’ collective good graces unless they free his moveset up.
Bye Bye JoMo! You had a great fighting exit against someone you know well, and it made both of you look strong. But I’m not quite sure about Cold Bastard Miz.
Diva’s match was what it was. Hilarious run-in by Nattie and Beth.
Ziggler and Orton put on a great match, and my god, Orton put Ziggler over.
I love how they’re testing the waters with Daniel Bryan. Bryan put on a star-making promo against Cole, and teased tomorrow’s match. I really do hope they put on a back-and-forth match. I’ll cover it tomorrow.
Swagger and Ryder was what it was, aside from Swagger botching the finish. They did cover up well, at least.
THAT MAIN EVENT. Del Rio and Punk’s styles compliment each other and I like how they worked around the stipulation. Makes you wonder what obstacle Johnny Ace is going to put in Punk’s way next week.