LAST WEEK: THE GODDAMN MUPPETS.
THIS WEEK: We’re in Liverpool. Aww yeah.
And we start with Cena being booed heavily, and Cole’s still pushing Twitter. Cena talks about Rocky’s response from last week. Rocky isn’t here even via satellite. But next week, he’s back. CHEAP POP for Liverpool on Raw, and Cena claims to be teaming with a future WWE Hall of Famer. BUT HERE COME THE AWESOME TRUTH. Miz says last week’s humiliation will just up the ante. He lists Cena’s opponents at Mania and reminds him that he pinned Cena clean when they couldn’t. Miz claims that last week is the last time Awesome Truth will be embarrassed by Cena. Truth says the people should chuckle it up, because nobody will be laughing after Survivor Series…or what will happen to Cena tonight, and will GET GOT whoever will tag with Cena. Cena reminds them that his partner’s popularity has skyrocketed, and that he’s the Tenth Wonder of the World. Miz tells him it doesn’t matter and they surround Cena…BUT HERE COMES ZACK RYDER AND EVENS THE ODDS. CENA AND RYDER vs. AWESOME TRUTH IS SET FOR TONIGHT. AND THE CROWD GOES WILD. Next up, John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler (with Vickie in a…schoolgirl outfit? What?)
Ziggler comes out first followed by JoMo, who has been on a serious jobbing streak as of late, and they mention he hasn’t won a match since August. JoMo and Ziggler tie up early and Dolph gets the early pin attempt and headlock, countered into a headlock of JoMo’s own. Dolph gains the advantage but JoMo flapjacks Dolph for two. Ziggler JAWBREAKERs JoMo and FLYING ELBOW for two. PELE KICK for JoMo drops Dolph outside but Ziggler CLOTHESLINES THE SHIT out of JoMo for two. Back from the break, Ziggler puts JoMo in a submission hold, and FLYING ELBOW to the back of the neck gets two. Ziggler hits a beautiful Dropkick and COCKY COVER gets two. Dolph hits a neckbreaker and TAUNT. JoMo retaliates with a corner beatdown, derailed by an elbow by Dolph. Dolph keeps putting JoMo in a headlock (targeting JoMo’s injured neck) but JoMo rolls him up for TWOOOooo. Ziggler puts JoMo back in the headlock and Dolph gets throwin in the ropes, CATAPULT into the turnbuckle, CLOTHESLINES and KICK from KoMo bring Ziggler down. JoMo tries Moonlight Drive, countered by FLIPPY LUCHA DDT for TWOOOOOOO. JoMo drags Ziggler for Starship Pain, Ziggler moves out of the way, Dolph tries a schoolboy for two. Ziggler calls for Zig Zag, but nabs the rope and SPRINGBOARD KICK…but Vickie gets on the apron to distract the Ref. Ziggler tries to School Boy, but JoMo counters with CRUCIFIX PIN for THREEEEEEEEEEEE. THE LOSING STREAK IS OVER.
Also, why does the Survivor Series theme song sound more like it belongs to Summerslam? Anyway, CLUSTERFUCK TRADITIONAL SURVIVOR SERIES MATCH is announced, with Team Orton (Randy, Sin Cara, Mason Ryan, Sheamus and Kofi) vs. Team Barrett (Wade, Christian, Swagger, Cody and Hunico). Yeah, Cara and Hunico were added in because of Evan Bourne’s suspension. Mason Ryan has arrived in…somewhat near his hometown and in the ring, getting the Jobber entrance is JTG. Video package on Ryan to remind us that he does exist. GO WELSHTISTA GO! So yeah, this is pretty much a squash. Ryan hits power moves everywhere, and finally puts JTG in a Full Nelson Masterlock-into-a-Full Nelson Slam for three.
BACKSTAGE, Ryder macks on the Bellas. All three go WWWYKI. I think the Bellas are DTF. Oh, and Nash is here. PLAY. Michael Cole says the Michael Cole Challenge is still open for next week. Ricardo Rodriguez announces EL PATRON, who arrives in a BEAUTIFUL Gunmetal Aston Martin DB9 Convertible ($200,000). They replay the Anaconda Vice segment from last week. Kofi’s here and coming out to his old music for the first time in awhile. And Kofi starts out with FLIPPYSHIT EVERYWHERE until Kofi misses a splash to the outside and Del Rio with the aggressiveness and starts working over Kofi’s arm for the Cross Arm Breaker. Kofi tries some offense, but ADR makes Kofi eat the ringpost, BACKSTABBER TO THE ARM and CROSS ARM BREAKER gets the submission. Del Rio puts the Cross Arm Breaker back on Kofi and HERE COMES PUNK.
Back from commercial, Del Rio yells at Punk on the stick, and reminds Punk that he had to ASK ADR for the match and not wait until after Show punched his lights out. Because of what he did last week, ADR says Johnny Ace empowered him to cancel the match but only if Punk agreed. Punk reminds Del Rio that he got cashed in on and got beaten by a lead pipe by him, and that’s why he resorted to the Vice. Punk says ADR is one-dimensional on the mic, always talking about destiny. Punk says he’s listened long enough about ADR’s destiny and will make the championship interesting again. ADR doesn’t care and since he’s the WWE Champ, HE is the best in the world. ADR asks Punk to cancel the match again, and Punk obviously says no after hilarious pondering. Del Rio attacks, but Punk counters the Cross Arm Breaker into the Anaconda Vice. Ricardo eats the GTS. Hot segment, and the crowd is totally in to Punk. I’ve missed crowds like this.
JACK SWAGGER HAS ARRIVED AND IT’S SWAGGIE TIME. Aww yeah. Vickie’s here, too. And HERE COMES SANTINO. Aww yeah. So yeah, this is basically a Swagger squash with some flashes of Santino brilliance sprinkled here and there. Man, does the crowd love Santino. But Swagger gets Santino in the Anklelock for the submission win.
After the commercial break, Kelly’s getting a Maxim cover, but HERE COME THE DIVAS OF DOOM and they mock Kelly for being a Barbie Doll (which is hilarious because Kelly’s real name IS Barbie). Beth says to be a WWE Diva isn’t a pretty face and a bucket full of perkiness and they threaten to make Kelly cry, but here come Eve and Alicia Fox to Eve’s shitty new theme. They finally unveil the Maxim cover and I still don’t give a shit.
JOHNNY ACE IS HERE and reminds us as always that he is the EVP of talent relations and Interim GM, and he introduces the newest member of Monday Night Raw, KEVIN NASH, with the quote-less NWO theme. BEARDNASH looks pretty great. He thanks Ace for bringing him back and explains that in 1995, he should have buried Haitch then, but Shawn liked him so he let him into the Kliq. Haitch won Nash over and they had a good friendship. Nash says that after getting the biggest pop at the Rumble, Nash didn’t get a call back from Haitch. Nash says Haitch is still the measuring stick but claims he’s still the best there is and could be World Champ. He says it felt good to attack Haitch with the Sledgehammer. As far as Nash is concerned, he showed them that’s how you play the game. Nice promo from Nash, and pretty much sold me on the whatever match they have soon.
BACKSTAGE, BOWTUNGA and Ace are backstage and says Brodus Clay needs an American audience to appreciate him. Punk interrupts, mocking Ace for not really knowing what the Audience wants. Otunga doesn’t think Punk is championship material, and that he looks like he works at a gas station. Punk asks regular or unleaded and HAMBONE to Otunga. EL PATRON out of NOWHERE puts Punk through the catering table and attacks until the Refs drag him off.
Awesome Truth arrive to tell England that they suck. WWWYKI, Ryder is here and is filming for Z!TLIS and Liverpool loves him. Oh, and here’s his Broski, Cena. Who really should have been wearing a headband. Cena starts off against Truth. They lock up, Cena with a shoulderblock pretty quick. Miz tags in and takes Miz down and drags him to the corner. Cena tosses him into the other corner and CLOTHESLINE gets two. WE WANT RYDER chants early on. Truth tags in. Cena tags Ryder in and the crowd goes WOO WOOO WILD. Ryder FLAPJACKS Truth and tosses him out. Cena fistpumps on the apron. Back on Raw, Ryder is actually doing well with Miz, who eats a second rope dropkick. Cena tags in and they hit a DOUBLE HIP TOSS on Miz, but Miz rallies and gets the tag from Truth. HEADLOCK on Cena. Truth with a front suplex to prevent a tag for two. Miz tags in and BOOT TO THE STOMACH. Miz chokes Xena on the bottom rope, then KNEES and KNEE LIFT keeps Cena down. Awesome Truth keeps Cena out of his corner until Truth misses with an assisted corner shoulder and Cena sneaks past Miz to tag Ryder in. Zack ATTACKS with KNEES to Miz’s face. DOUBLE BROSKI BOOT by Cena and Ryder. Ryder tries a Rough Ryder, but Truth punches him and Miz takes the advantage. Tag, DOUBLE KNEE DROP gets Truth two. Truth tags in and beats Ryder down. LET’S GO RYDER/WOO WOO WOO chants throughout the arena, but Ryder misses a dropkick. Ryder gets hung up on the ropes by Awesome Truth and Miz taunts Cena while beating Ryder. Ryder rolls Miz up for TWO, but gets punished by a clothesline followed up by VINTAGE CONRER CLOTHESLINE. Truth tags in and HEADLOCK. DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE by both men and HOT TAG to Cena. Miz is in as well and FIVE MOVES TIME. DOUBLE PROTOBOMB, DOUBLE YOU CAN’T SEE ME by Ryder and Cena and Double Five Knuckle Shuffle. AA attempt blocked and DRIVE BY KICK, Truth keeps Cena from kicking out and THAT’S IT. Cena looks incredulous.
Final Thoughts: I like the setup for the main event, and giving Ryder the rub FINALLY.
Ziggler/JoMo was pretty great, and I did expect JoMo to lose but apparently they still have some plans for him.
Welshtista match was just…there, as was the ADR/Kofi match. And the Swagger/Santino match, actually. But that’s just to reestablish Swagger as, y’know, not a glorified jobber.
LOL DIVAS SEGMENT.
The Nash segment surprised me. THIS is the Nash of Old, not the laughable old man Punk made fun of. He was pretty off that night, I guess. But this segment sold me on the inevitable Nash/Haitch match.
The main event had more heat to it than any other main event I’ve seen in months. The crowd LOVED Ryder, but hated Cena. Awesome Truth needed the win tonight so beating Cena was good for them and the Survivor Series main event.
WWWYKI!
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