We start with Johnny Ace in the middle of the ring, and the entire SD locker room is out for a special address, because Haitch isn’t here. He talks about how HHH has lost control of Raw, but after AwesomeTruth got fired, Johnny Ace says he regains control. And he introduces Mark Henry. The locker room just parts ways in awe of the World Champ. Johnny Ace shakes Mark’s hand, hands him the mic, and gets out of the ring. Smart move.
Mark says it took him 15 years to win the belt, and it’ll take 15 more for anyone to take it from him. He points the finger at Zeke and Teddy Long for not believing in him…but HO MAH GOODNESS, here comes HHH. He asks Mark Henry for the mic, but Mark refuses. At least long enough to add tension. Before Haitch talks, Christian has a mic and says to hold on. He says on behalf of himself and the roster, thanks him for the good job he’s done so far. Yep, he’s kissing ass to get a title shot. He says Mark Henry isn’t a marketable champion, and Christian deserves to be the face of Smackdown. Haitch tells the locker room that he’s in complete control of Raw, Smackdown and WWE. Haitch tells Christian it’s great to see him take the initiative and lead by example and sets up a Lumberjack Match for the World Championship match against Mark Henry. And the winner faces Orton at HiaC. Christian looks about ready to shit himself. Nice. And of course Henry stares Christian down and scares him out of the ring.
BACKSTAGE, Sheamus gets ready for his match against Heath Slater. Guess who’s getting squashed. I bet it’s the redhead. Anyway, Slater gets brutalized, eats the chest punches/knee combo which really looks painful. Slater actually hits some offense like a swinging neckbreaker, finally gets the big man down for awhile trying to keep Sheamus grounded and I have no fucking idea what Booker T is saying. Slater makes the big mistake of slapping the back of Sheamus’ head and HOOOO MAH GOODNESS, Sheamus runs him down. Flying shoulderblock and Sheamus calls for the Brogue Kick, hits it and that’s all she wrote.
BACKSTAGE, Christian goes Raw 2 and tries manipulating Khali. Khali says he understands Christian’s small. The piped-in crowd goes WILD.
Back in the ring, Wade Barrett w/ Jacket is up against former Corre/Nexus comrade Justin Gabriel w/ Shitty Theme Song. Wade quickly takes advantage and hits a big boots, throwing Gabriel out of the ring. Wade gets a two, but headscissors Wade outside and SUICIDE DIVE~ takes him out. This is surprisingly back and forth. Gabriel tries for a 450 splash, but gets kicked in the face by Wade and eats a Wasteland for the win. Go Wade!
Announced is Orton/Rhodes, who have always have great chemistry. If you’ve read the spoilers, there will be blood. Backstage, Orton cuts a boring promo. A better promo, the Hell in a Cell Highlight promo, airs afterward. Backstage, MORE manipulation by Christian, this time on Big Zeke.
In the ring, my favorite Chickbusters are in the ring and they’re gonna go up against Beth and Natalya. My god, the stupid booking. Anyway, Nattie vs. Kaitlyn and Kaitlyn hits a nice dropkick until a quick kick by Beth while the Ref’s back is turned. Kaitlyn eats a double suplex. Kaitlyn fights out and AJ gets the tag and hits a SHINING WIZARD on Beth. Kaitlyn intercepts Nattie, but AJ eats a Glam Slam for three. Aww, poor AJ.
Orton comes out to the delight of the PG crowd. And here comes Cody and the Bag Boys. Nice recap of Cody’s huge win against Orton two weeks ago. Orton blandly attacks Cody, and Cody tries going for Orton’s kneeee. Even wraps it around the ring post a few times. Cody loosens a turnbuckle, and while the Ref’s distracted, hits Orton in the face with the facemask for TWOOOOO. Orton’s angry and hits Cody with the Mask for the DQ. Orton attacks Cody repeatedly in the face with the mask. Outside, Orton grabs the ringpost and Cody is busted open. IS THIS PG YET? Orton hits a bleeding Rhodes with an RKO on top of the table. Interesting to actually see blood on WWE PG.
BACKSTAGE more Christian manipulation shenanigans, this time on Sheamus. As a peace offering, Christian gives Sheamus a potato. Sheamus eats it, but spits it out because it’s not an Irish potato, it’s from Idaho. TREMENDOUS.
Khali arrives with his Bollywood music, and it looks like he’s back to his old jolly Punjabi self. Jinder Mahal comes out and he’s pissed. And yeah, this is a squash. Khali tries for the Tree Slam but Mahal counters into a DDT. But yeah, Khali with the Tree Slam and humiliates Mahal with a cocky pin for the win.
Sin Cara is out and the crowd doesn’t know what to make of him. Recap of the Cara vs. Cara situation, and then Daniel Bryan comes out and he looks pretty angry. Excellent wrestling, of course, and Daniel Bryan puts Cara in the Surfboard. They actually mention Bryan’s losing streak, huh. Kick in the face and a crossbody earns Cara with a nearfall. Cara gets Bryan outside and headscissors him into the steps. A second Cara throws the first Cara off the ropes, Moonsaults Bryan for the three and WHICH IS WHICH? And when will Bryan win again? Where is this going?!
Backstage, Christian tries manipulating Zack Ryder, but Ryder’s cellphone goes off. HUGH JACKMAN is on and Ryder walks off. WWWYKI!
AirBoom is out and MAH GOODNESS we’re in for some Tag Team action. And this week, they’re up against the Usos, who have the awesome Siva Tau intro. Usos with a blind tag quickly and the twins have awesome tag moves. They frequently tag and isolate Evan, but he fights back with a kneeling headscissors to get Kofi in. Josh and Cole are just STEALING Booker’s lines as one of the Usos superkicks Kofi’s head off for the two. Trouble in Paradise/Shooting Star Press combo wins it for AirBoom and this was really fun.
Next up, the Lumberjacks fill ringside as Christian comes out. Dear God, Darren Young is pretty much Cena with a spray tan. Mark comes out and WIG-SPLITTERY IMMINENT. Big match intro, of course. Oh boy, Heel vs. Heel. The piped-in reactions will be terrible in this match. Christian tries running early but the Lumberjacks are in the way. Christian tries catching Henry but Christian eats an elbow and a throw into the turnbuckle. Christian tries a flurry of offense, but gets tossed out. Zeke gently places his knee into Christian’s gut and throws him in the ring. Henry tosses Christian upward and ow. Mark squeezes Christian’s shoulders in a vise grip. Christian kicks his way out and tries a springboard…into a Bear Hug. Chriatian gets out of the way of a splash and hits Mark with a nice flurry of offense and tries several clotheslines to take Henry down. It takes two missile dropkicks to take Henry down, but just for two. Killswitch attempt blocked into a clothesline for two for Mark. Christian tries a sunset flip on Henry and tries to sit down on Christian but he gets out of the way. The locker room tries to fight Henry, but uses Trent Barretta as a rocket into the entire roster. Christian tries running, but Sheamus catches him, throws him right into Mark for a World’s Strongest Slam for the win. Orton comes out to confront Henry and gets dropkicked out of the ring. Orton stands tall alone in the ring as the show ends.
Final Thoughts: Ugh, I really hope they don’t hotshot the title on Orton at HiaC. I’m really digging Henry’s title run so far.
I don’t know where they’re going with the Cara vs. Cara storyline, but one of them better dress differently or people will just get confused. But the biggest thing I learned on SD?
Never, EVER give Sheamus an Idaho Potato.
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