We open cold to ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOO. He says he can’t take being disrespected. He brings up retiring Edge, beating Punk for the title, and reminds us that he is the champ. Special guest Bret “The Hitman” Hart comes out to a thunderous ovation in Ottawa.
He says Del Rio doesn’t know how to be World Champ. Bret says Del Rio has all style and no substance. Del Rio counters that Bret looks like the illegal Canadians he hires to clean his house. He threatens to make an example out of Bret, but of course who comes down but John Cena.
Cena says Bret looks like a Legends, and tells Alberto to take a hike. Cena challenges Del Rio and Del Rio accepts the challenge…in behalf of Ricardo. Cena counters with Alberto vs. Bret. I’m just waiting for Teddy Long to show up and make this a tag match.
Oh wait, it’s Johnny Ace instead of Teddy. BUT THE SAME MATCH. Oh lord.
Announced for tonight: A final face off between Punk and Haitch, and a rematch of the awesome Orton/Rhodes match from Smackdown.
Alex Riley and JoMo vs. Ziggler/Swagger is on, and they’re playing up the Vickie angle. Incredible chain wrestling sequence to start from Ziggler and JoMo, which isn’t a surprise from those two. Ziggler refuses to tag in Swagger but eats a kick from JoMo so Swagger tags himself in. Riley gets tagged in, too and gets a nice rally until he gets taken into an anklelock, which Riley counters and slings Swagger right into Ziggler, and Riley hits his sweet TKO-ish finisher to end the match. Ziggler just watches Swagger get pinned. I really like this Heel vs. Heel program so far.
Awesome-spiracy is here and their request for a tag title match against Air Boom is confirmed. Miz is angry that the focus is off them and on Punk and Haitch. Miz says Punk should change his name from CM to BS. Truth says NINJA PLEASE, and wants Haitch out of the COO position and Awesome-spiracy are coming out onto the stage. This is gonna be great.
Truth says COO spells Coo. Coo two times is Coo-Coo and he says Haitch is that. Truth claims he and Miz should headline every PPV. Miz and Truth trade catchphrases and Miz vs. Kofi is announced. Tremendous.
Miz starts out with some brawling, keeping Kofi out of the air. A sweet rope run sequence tosses both the guys out. Kofi hits a sort of Warrior’s Way and rallies. Tries to go for the Ranhei, blocked, then a springboard crossbody. Kofi gets booted. Miz calls for the SCF, and hits it for the three. Awesome-spiracy celebrate Miz’s win.
Backstage, Teddy announces Ziggler vs. Swagger, Riley and JoMo. Vickie is angry. Kelly laughs in the background, they get into a little war of words and…manages to finagle herself into a match against K2. Lawler and a mystery partner vs. Otungacutty is next.
McGillycutty has a mic. Oh boy. He reminds Lawler of his heritage, and Otunga says he’s a lawyer from HARVARD. Lawler says McGillycutty isn’t his father and a lawyer joke to Otunga. Lawler introduces his partner…Sheamus. And he proceeds to beat the shit out of the McGillibuddies. One Brogue Kick for each and a Celtic Cross to McGillicutty and that’s all. I still wonder where they’re going with the McGillibuddies/Lawler feud.
Backstage, Ricardo is training. And drinking Mexican Goat Milk. Man, they neutered this guy in the ring because of his announcer gimmick. Do yourself a favor and look up some of Ricardo’s matches from FCW. He’s actually pretty flippy.
Next up, Cena and Bret vs. Ricardo and Alberto. Ricardo just annnounces Alberto and not himself. Sad. Ricardo and Cena start, and they do a small Bullfighting spot with Cena’s shirt. Ricardo gets tossed, Alberto gets tagged and here come the LET’S GO CENA/CENA SUCKS. Cena tries to go for an AA and Del Rio tags in Ricardo. He’s just getting the Five Moves of Doom treatment. Alberto runs to the stage, Cena tags Bret in for the Sharpshooter and the win.
Cena’s yelling again. Oh boy. Champ is Here catchphrase and Bret gets a nice ovation.
9/11 video package narrated by Cena, highlighting the historic 9/13 Smackdown. I love when WWE does these classy packages.
Next up, K2 and Vickie. Dolph tags along for the ride. I love how Vickie doesn’t need a theme song. Swagger comes out and decks Dolph. Vickie gets distracted and Schoolgirls Vickie for the win. I want those three minutes back. Beth runs in and K2 escapes. Where’s Nattie when you need her?
Next week, Hugh Jackman’s guest-starring for some reason. Video package for Triple H to remind people who haven’t seen him wrestle since Wrestlemania. Josh Mathews interviews Mark Henry backstage. Henry tells Josh to just listen. He says 15 years of being overlooked and not being respected are a road to being the next World Championship and tells Orton he’ll enter the Hall of Pain at Night of Champions THIS SUNDAAYYY.
Orton vs. Rhodes next. If this is anything like their last match, it should be great. Cody comes out with the usual bag boys. Nice classic lockup to start. HEADLOCK. I love how some of the fans are really wearing the Paper Bags. UN OH, here comes Mark Henry. Orton sees Mark, grabs a Steel Chair and Henry runs. Rhodes follows Orton and gets a fist for his troubles. Randy’s still looking up at the ramp just in case Mark comes back out. For some reason, Orton’s punching Cody’s mask. Doesn’t that hurt him? Geez.
Henry comes back out with a steel chair of his own. Orton gets distracted and Rhodes kicks him in the stomach on the outside. While Orton gets more of an advantage on Cody, Henry inches ever closer, this time sitting on the chair at the bottom of the ramp. Orton counters the Cross Rhodes, and hits the second-rope DDT. Orton calls for the RKO, but Henry climbs up the ring steps. Rhodes hits Orton with the mask, hits the cross Rhodes and WINS. AWESOME!
Henry comes in the ring with the chair and brutalizes Randy. Henry asks for the title and poses with it over a fallen Orton.
Next, Haitch and Punk face to face.
Here comes Corporate Haitch, followed by Punk. CM Punk chants from the crowd. I love you, Bizarro Land. Punk starts out by saying he respects Triple H, especially for firing Nash. Punk says he’s a great judge of character and knows Hunter doesn’t like him. Punk says Haitch is just like Vince, letting things pass him by, and that guys of Punk’s size aren’t main-event caliber.
Haitch says Shawn, Bret, Mysterio and Foley aren’t bodybuilder types. He says not to use the bodybuilder perception as an excuse for Punk’s “failures”. Hunter tells Punk not to worry about himself, but worry about what the crowd wants. Hunter says to make the fans happy and Punk will get afforded the opportunities he wants. Punk brings up the Ice Cream bars and the crowd goes wild.
Punk reminds Haitch that at his first PPV, the fans chanted his name and not DX’s. Punk says he’d much rather be hated for what he is than loved for what he’s not. Hunter says stop blaming everyone else for his lost opportunities, to look in the mirror. Hunter reminds Punk that Cena came from nowhere to become the biggest guy in the business by winning the fans over.
Punk says he busted his ass, sacrificed for the business. Hunter counters that this isn’t about business anymore, but that Punk made it personal. Hunter says he’ll kick Punk’s ass. Punk says he’ll kick Haitch’s ass.
Punk says this is about Phil Brooks vs. Paul Levesque…but the mics aren’t working when Punk’s holding them. Punk’s pissed. Hunter gets a mic from Chimel, which works, and gives it to Punk…who hits Triple H in the face with it and leaves as the crowd chants his name.
Final Thoughts: Hot main event segment, but a patchy Raw overall for a go-home show for the Night of Champions PPV. Orton and Rhodes saved the wrestling portion of the show, which shouldn’t come as a surprise. I’m actually pumped to watch Punk/Haitch even though the stip practically guarantees a Haitch win…unless the mics not working were part of Johnny Ace’s master plan. Hmm.