Friday, September 16, 2011

WWE Friday Night Smackdown, 9/16/11

It’s Edge Appreciation Night on SD, along with being the Night od Champions go-home show. I’m ready for horribly piped-in audience reactions.

We start with Edge, who gets an amazing reaction from the hometown crowd. Captions say his last match took place last April in Romania. Tremendous. Edge says how great it is to be back in Toronto. He says he misses wrestling, the friendships, the theme song, and of course the fans. Which is kind of funny since he shows up as often as Ric Flair did during HIS “retirement”. Anyway, Edge says he’ll host a special Cutting Edge with guests Mark Henry and Randy Orton. He gets interrupted by Cody Rhodes, who has his mask back.

Rhodes accuses Edge of sucking up to the fans, who all need paper bags. Edge counters that Cody should look in the mirror. Cody says he’s triumphant because he won against Randy on Monday and is the IC champ, making Edge the tragedy. He hands Edge a Paper Bag, and asks him to take it home, put it on the mantle as a reminder that Cody is the new face of Smackdown. Edge hands it back and says if Cody’s the face of Smackdown, Smackdown needs the Paper Bag. And leaves. Cody’s left in the ring, ignored, and bitches that no one is better than him and goes around the crowd, telling them they need paper bags…and is hit by someone with a paper bag. Who turns out to be Ted DiBiase! He drags Cody in the ring, and hits Dream Street to the delight of the crowd. He nabs a paper bag to put on Cody but Cody ran away. Now THIS is how you turn Ted face.

Next up is the Sin Cara/Daniel Bryan rematch. Bryan IMMEDIATELY goes after Cara and they start out brawling. Cara takes advantage of a slight mistime by Bryan, who gets tossed out. Back in the ring, Cara has Bryan in a leglock and Bryan gets out of it with STIFF ELBOWS but Cara keeps Bryan down with a dropkick to the head. Cara gets Bryan with a springboard headbutt. Cara tries a Springboard Moonsault but Bryan counters with feet right to Cara’s face. Bryan takes advantage with VINTAGE KICKS but Cara kicks out. VICIOUS kicks in the corner but Cara counters and gets Bryan in a tree of woe and kicks Bryan in the head but gets DQed…when Cara’s music hits? A second Cara comes out and confronts the other Sin Cara. Oh boy, Hunicara vs. Misticara. CARA WARS, BABY. I am excite.

Zack Ryder and Teddy Long are backstage! Teddy invokes a no-contact rule again for the Cutting Edge, and sends Zack to tell Randy and Henry that fact. Cue Aksana’s porn music and offers to massage Teddy. This isn’t very PG. Anyhoo, Trish Stratus comes in for a cameo.

In the ring are our lovely Chickbusters, AJ and Kaitlyn. AJ’s set for battle against Beth Phoenix. Oh boy. Apparently Beth can bench press more than AJ weighs. Geez. So yeah, Beth just military presses AJ. AJ tries to fight back with some pretty good offense before a quick and painful Glam Slam ends it. Kaitlyn comes in to get AJ out of there before the Divas of Doom kill them. Beth grabs the mic and tells the Divas that their fairytale is over.

Pretty great video package for Sheamus. Since he’s face now. Pretty awesome song choice, too.
Trish is teaching Edge some Yoga. Christian tries to make amends with Edge. Cause, Bros before everything. But Christian tries manipulating Edge into asking Teddy to give Christian another title shot, and reminds Edge that he was in his corner at Wrestlemania and runs off in a huff after Edge gives a disapproving look. Zack Ryder runs in and asks Edge to tell Randy and Mark about the no-contact rule. Trish is confused.

But nevermind that shit, Wade Barrett is here, teaming with Christian against Sheamus and Justin Gabriel. Sheamus grabs the stick and yep, Irish tales. Gabriel and Barrett face off, tries to go for a drop toe hold but Barrett maintains his balance and just punches Justin. Don’t see that every day. Sidewalk slam by Wade gets us the first pinfall attempt and Christian comes in. You can tell WWE production just tried to edit out Christian’s hometown crowd cheers. Just noticed Wade and Christian have matching Purple tights/trunks. Nice. Wade and Christian are isolating Gabriel and taunting Sheamus. For a really long time. Gabriel FINALLY hits a legsweep and gets the tag. Sheamus vs. Barrett. Aww yeah slobberknocker. I like Sheamus and Barrett’s chemistry. Sheamus hits the flying shoulderblock, tosses Christian out and counters the Wasteland into a Brogue Kick. Gabriel tags in, hits the 450 Splash and that’s all. Pretty exciting match, but the Hot Tag sequence went on way too long. Sheamus dares Christian to fight him but Christian backs off yet again.
Khali comes out to face the new Jobber to the Stars Heath Slater. This won’t end well for Slater. Pretty much a continuation of the Mahal/Khali storyline. Mahal comes out and just rants while Slater tries to mount some offense. Mahal comes in the ring and that’s a DQ. Slater and Mahal try to double team Khali, but Khali’s way too powerful and fights them off, hits Slater with the Chokebomb and Mahal runs away.

Next up is Truth vs. Bourne and Awesome Truth (as Truth dubs him and Miz) comes out to a classic Truth rap/rant. TREMENDOUS. You have to watch it. And of course, Michael Cole ejaculates all over it. Miz and Kofi are on commentary and they’re detracting from the pretty damn awesome action. Evan’s got some awesome counters, like the knees to Truth’s head during a delayed suplex attempt. SSP attempt got delayed with kicks and the Little Jimmy for the win. Have I mentioned how great Awesome Truth is? Cause they’re so great.

Next up, the Cutting Edge. Edge recounts how great Toronto is to him, having watched Warrior win the championship at WM6, and winning the IC belt in Toronto, so he’s proud to interview the current champion. But first, here comes Mark Henry. Orton arrives and stares a hole into Big Mark. Edge reminds the two of the no-contact rule, and then tells Randy that Henry has demolished pretty much everyone. Why does Randy think he can win, asks Edge.

Randy tells everyone that all the beatings he’s administered were after matches. Edge agrees, and says Mark’s career hasn’t been all that good, and questions Mark’s desire to win. And…Mark agrees? For the past 15 years, he’s seen people smaller and weaker than him win championships. People tell him backstage to come out and smile. He’s through smiling, so he’ll take what he wants from Orton, and declares he’s taking that championship. Orton calls Henry the World’s Strongest Failure. Oh boy.

Edge reminds the two that the no-contact rule is in place until the end of the Cutting Edge…and he slowly backs out the ring and says the Cutting Edge is over. Tremendous. Teddy comes out and calls in the entire Smackdown midcard to stop Henry and Orton from killing each other. The two fight the midcarders to get at each other until Mark powers out and hits Orton with a World’s Strongest Slam, a splash, and another WSS. Henry clears the ring of everyone with the exception of Orton and hit yet ANOTHER World’s Strongest Slam and poses with the World Heavyweight Championship as Smackdown ends.

Final Thoughts: I’m firmly behind Henry winning this Sunday. He’s long, long overdue for a major title, and I’m tired of Orton as champion. The Cara Wars have begun, and I’m excited as it frees up Bryan to actually get some wins under his belt. I’m excited about Ted DiBiase’s face turn and the Awesome Truth are always awesome. Can’t wait till Sunday.

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