Triple H had enough of CM Punk and SWERVE, replaces Nash with himself at Night of Champions. Alberto Del Rio continues his
Oh, and Smackdown happened and Nash is angry. Raw will now have Smackdown guys. Yep, there went the brand extension.
And now, we’re burning it down the ground tonight. Recaps of the Punk angle, made by the usual awesome WWE editing crew. Loved, loved, LOVED the Smackdown Hunter/Punk promo.
Skinny Fat Ass is an oxymoron, Hunter.
Raw’s FINALLY starting. And with Punk. Here we go. I’m really digging Punk’s interview gear being his old black shorts.
Punk says he’s different, and because of that, he’s a target. Truth vs. Punk tonight, awesome. Says Nash is the status quo (pointing out same hair as the first gulf war and same music since 1996). Punk’s giving Big Kev a forum to face him like a man.
And heeeeeeere comes Kev. With a mic. Oh boy. Super Shredder name drop! And Kev is yelling that he’s pretty much always beating Punk up. Punk counters that 1994 was the last time he was relevant. As Kev walks slowly to the ring, HERE COMES HAITCH.
Hahaha, Kev said Punk’s a cancer. Hilarious.
Apparently, Haitch found out that Kev texted himself to stick Punk, as per some security footage. Kev claims he made WWE cool again. Hahahaha. Haitch was about to fire Kev and Big Sexy pulls the friendship card. Uh oh, Kev’s threatening Haitch now. And DECKS BIG KEV. And FIRES HIM. Intrigue!
Best of luck in your future endeavors, says Punk. Nice.
Back from commercial, Johnny Ace is getting in a limo with Kev. Uh oh. SHENANIGANS.
Nevermind that shit, here comes Air Boom! God, I love WWE revitalizing the Tag Division. They’re gonna fight Jinder Mahal and Khali in a non-title match. Oh boy, styles clash. And yep, Jinder’s still pretty green. And here comes Khali. Uh oh, apparently Lawler vs. Otunga tonight. Lawler’s gonna have to carry that match. Kofi and Evan are pretty much just flying all over Jinder. Khali accidentally hits Mahal with the chop, and Shooting Star Press, it’s OVER.
ADR is finally back. And wait, ADR’s driving him? Is the FCW storyline actually gonna be real?
K2 is here and she’s gonna commentate the next match, Eve vs. Beth for the #1 contendership for the Butterfly belt. Ooooh, and Survivor Series is gonna be in MSG. Should be pretty awesome. Oh god, Nattie’s on commentary. TOO MANY COMMENTATORS. Goldust is the new Finlay. And it’s pretty awesome. Slightly Botched Glam Slam, and it’s OVER. And NoC’s in Buffalo. We’re gonna see a Chicago Punk-style reaction for Beth. Sweet.
NEVERMIND THAT SHIT, here are DrewMac and Christian. ADR’s trying to get Christian to attack Cena. It’s like I’m really watching the Raw 2 videogame. Anyway, Christian ponders.
Haitch has a new movie coming out and he’s just gotten out of jail…huh.
Next up is Truth w/ Manager Miz vs. Punk. ConspiraTruth is the best gimmick ever, I swear. Truth comes out and claims he’s been telling the truth his whole life. Miz comes out and dear god, he and Truth have some of the best chemistry. CONSPIRACIES EVERYWHERE. Miz announces that he and Truth are gonna face Air Boom at NoC. Truth announces Punk’s about to get got, and Miz does his best to DON’T LAUGH MIZ. Here comes Punk. And Miz’s plaid suit is blinding. I like that Truth and Punk are having fun with this match. My god, that screamer in the crowd is getting on my nerves almost as much as Cole is. Anyway, Miz cheap shots Punk on the outside. Truth takes advantage and works over the leg. Punk rallies with a Superplex spot. Punk calls for the GTS after a flurry and…gets the X-Factor for his troubles. Miz distracts Punk long enough (getting himself booted out of ringside) for Truth to recover…and eat a GTS. Haitch comes out immediately afterward and grabs a stick.
Punk doesn’t believe the Nash punch. Haitch calls Punk Obama and changes their match at NoC AGAIN. This time into a No DQ match, and hopes he gets this out of his system or he’ll fire Punk. Punk wants a stipulation added to the match as well. He wants Haitch to quit as COO. Haitch agrees. Oh boy, this’ll be awesome.
Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins want to randomly form a tag team and informs Wade Barrett of that fact. ADR shows up and tries to get him to attack Cena. Wade doesn’t really give a shit, but invites ADR to watch what he does tonight.
NEVERMIND THAT SHIT, WWE is announcing the WWE Network. OH BOY! I can’t wait. I hope it’s non-subscription. Should be awesome, though. All dem tapes.
The McGillybuddies have arrived and Lawler comes out alone. But announces his tag partner for this match as…ZACK RYDER! DAT VIDEO PACKAGE! And we’ve got Z!TLIS filming. This is so great. Otunga tags in and beats our boy Zack for awhile setting up a hot tag spot. Zack tags in Lawler and HE HITS A DROPKICK. Ryder hits the Rough Ryder and it’s all over. WWWKYI!
Backstage, ADR’s now trying to get Dolph to jump Cena. Nikki and Brie whore it up to ADR randomly. You glorious bastard. ADR and Ricardo go look for Nikki and Brie after trying to manipulate Dolph as ORTON WALKS.
He’s gonna fight Heath Slater and his horrible music. I know, I know, Slaters gonna Slate. GO HEATH! MAKE YOURSELF FAMO…oh, RKO. Oh well.
Backstage, Zack and Cena bro it up backstage and winkwink insults The Dwayne.
Cena’s coming out and I fully expect the ADR Army to come out to kill him. He’s still yelling at me of course. Ricardo announces ADR, as per Cena’s psychic prediction. ADR claims to be giving Cena a fighting chance by not fighting him till Night of Champions. Here comes the Rudos of Raw…Barret, Christian, Ziggler and Swagger are out. Sheamus, JoMo and Riley come out to even the odds.
Teddy Long’s been empowered by Haitch, and can’t resist and makes a Tag Team Elimination Match. WHO DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING?
I like that half of Cena’s teammates have been beaten by him in the past twelve months. JoMo hits the C4 on Ziggler. Holy shit. Sleeper/Anklelock combo by Ziggles and Swaggie eliminate JoMo, however. Swagger tags himself in, hits the Vaderbomb and eliminates Riley. Sheamus and Cena left against the Rudos. Sheamus brutalizes Swagger and Barrett gets tagged in. Aw, shit. This is gonna be a slobberknocker. I love Sheamus’ chest punch spot. Brogue Kick and Wade gets eliminated. Christian’s in and slaps Sheamus. Oh, no. Christian runs away and both of them get eliminated via countout. Ziggler and Swagger vs. a lone Cena. Oh boy, I wonder who will win this. Swagger and Cena lock up and gets double teamed by Team Vickie. Dueling LET’S GO CENA/CENA SUCKS chants fill the arena, nice. Five Moves of Doom and the TEN Knuckle Shuffle on both of them. Swagger goes for another Vaderbomb, hits it, but Ziggler tags himself in and eats the Attitude Adjustment for the elimination. Cena eats an Anklelock and reverses into the STF. Swagger finally taps to end the match. ADR runs in and…eats the AA to end the show.
Final Thoughts: Excellent Raw, hot main event and awesome Truth/Punk match. Raw’s been really stepping it up lately, even if there’ve been a few mishaps here and there. I’m intrigued as to what Johnny Ace and Nash are gonna do next. Also, nice focus on Zack Ryder. Hopefully they can balance the midcard and the top draws more and we’ll get better shows.