We join Smackdown, because we know our enemy. Rah-hey.
Mark Henry comes out. Wig-Splittery imminent. He tells us about the Hall of Pain, and that people have underestimated him because of his tenure. He claims Orton will be inducted at NoC.
NEVERMIND THAT SHIT, HERE COMES ZACK RYDER!
WWWKYI likes the Hall of Pain, and informs Mark that Teddy made a no-contact rule between him and Orton in their respective matches. Sadly, our Internet Champ gets squashed. Are you serious, Mark?
Big Zeke arrives and it’s Domination vs. Wig-Splittery. Vince must be touching himself right now. Zeke tries a torture rack, but falls victim to Henry’s brute strength. Boring match, but Booker T’s insane commentary is worth it.
Orton vs. Rhodes is announced. Gee, who’s winning tonight? Anyway, Teddy’s not as broken up about his assistant being broken, but Aksana, looking hot as always, gets the sax treatment. Are they really playing up another Teddy Long romance?
Sin Cara appears, and so does his trampoline. Recap of Bryan/Cara match and his heel turn. Tyson Kidd is his opponent for tonight and this should be pretty good. Tyson vs. Misticara was pretty great, let’s see how he fares against Hunicara. Springboard crossbody almost gets Kidd the pin from the momentum. Cara’s new double springboard finisher ends a quick, but good match. Josh Mathews interviews Cara, and he…speaks English?
Cara says he’s an intense competitor. He claims he’s held back, but no longer, that this is the real Sin Cara. But here comes Daniel Bryan, and he looks pissed. He challenges Cara for a rematch on SD next week. Cara drops Bryan and…applies the LeBell Lock on Bryan. Oh boy, this is gonna be gooooooood.
Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett is announced. There will be stiff hitting.
Nice little video package for Cody Rhodes. I like these little video packages they’ve been doing recently. Now that the recent Supershows aren’t doing the midcard any famous, these little packages remind people of who they’ve missed these past few weeks. Orton does the usual boring interview.
And I can’t believe Kelly’s entrance is welcome. Damn it, Orton. Get it together.
K-Squared faces Natalya next. Dat pendant. Shucky Ducky, says Booker T. Glorious. Dear God, Kelly’s pretty orange tonight. She’s reaching Hogan levels of orangeocity. Brother. Nattie’s just owning KK in this match, going for a Sharpshooter. Kelly reverses it into a small package and that’s it. Again, kudos to Goldust for working with the Divas. That match was actually watchable.
Here comes Christian with the usual bitching about not getting another shot and about getting beaten by Orton last week. Yep, he wants another title shot but gets interrupted by Sheamus, who says this is getting embarrassing and relates another hilarious Irish tale about a dog who farted out hot air. Sheamus intimidates Christian into getting out of the ring so his match with Wade can start.
God, I missed that jacket. Still needs yet another revision to his theme song, though. This is hard hitting as expected. These guys are just MAULING each other. Pretty much back-and-forth. Chest punch/running knee combo before Christian runs in and eats some white knuckle for his troubles. Wade and Christian beat down Sheamus until he gets his second wind and Brogue Kicks Barrett’s head off. Christian almost got caught in the Celtic Cross but escapes. A Christian/Sheamus program? I’m intrigued.
Another WWE Network commercial. I am excite.
Edge’s Haven appearance gets hyped with a clip. Air Boom comes out and their opponents for this week are Khali & Mahal again. I still can’t believe Khali, Bourne and Kingston are carrying Mahal to a watchable match. They’re teasing another Khali face turn as he pushes Mahal into Trouble in Paradise for the win. So yeah, don’t piss off the 7’4” giant who can cave your skull in.
Cody Rhodes arrives with the Bag Boys and the environmentalists get angry. Cody resents being called unstable, and points to Orton himself. Orton comes out to the usual monster pop. Mostly piped in, but who’s counting.
Next week, Edge returns as a special guest. Probably to hype up his Haven appearance, partially to yell at Christian some more, maybe.
Anyway, Cody and Orton actually have a good, long match playing up their familiarity with each other, with nearfalls on each other. Cody goes for a bulldog and Orton tosses him off, hits the powerslam. After getting hit with the second rope DDT, Rhodes wisely slips out of the right, almost hits CrossRhodes, goes for the Beautiful Disaster, misses and RKO out of nowhere gets the win…but here comes Mark Henry. No Contact rule is not in effect because it’s after the match and Mark brutalizes Orton with two World’s Strongest Slams. Mark grabs a chair and sits on it ON TOP OF ORTON for great visual to end the show.
Final Thoughts: Eh, this seems like the usual Smackdown with very little story progress aside from the Bryan/Cara program. The Orton/Rhodes match was a highlight of the show, with a great finishing sequence before the Henry run-in. By God, I’m actually buying Henry as a threat now more than his old program with Taker a few years back.