DC:
Green Lantern: New Guardians #1 – Seems weird that the first eight pages of story re-tell Kyle’s induction to the Corps, but then again Reboot. But I thought GL books won’t be affected…eh, whatever. Anyway, for some reason a ring from each of the Corps leaves its bearer and finds its way to Kyle, and various members from each Corps (Arkillo from the Sinestro Corps, Fatality from the Star Sapphires, Bleez from the Red Lanterns and Munk from the Indigo Tribe) show up to retrieve the rings. Oooh, mystery, intrigue and RINGS. But is it enough for a #1 issue?
Aquaman #1 – Ah, poor Aquaman. Always the butt of many a joke. But not this Aquaman. This reboot was actually needed, and after his return at the end of Blackest Night and the entirety of Brightest Day, DC needed to reestablish him as a premiere hero and Geoff Johns has done it again (following Hal Jordan and Barry Allen…well not so much Barry.) by making Aquaman a human being. Johns actually plays up the butt-of-jokes-talks-to-fish Aquaman and gives him CHARACTER with those characteristics dogging him. The issue sets Aquaman up as an Earth-bound hero, not just the sea. But of course, new villains from the sea pop up. THIS is more of what I want out of New52.
Marvel:
Amazing Spider-Man #670 – The Spider-Infection is mutating its hosts. Oh boy. And apparently that one guy everyone thought was a certain guy was really someone else. Weird. The main villain was finally revealed, and it’s a doozy. Anti-Venom’s curing the afflicted, and the X-Men are here for some reason. A new player is introduced into the mix and oh boy, that last page. I am I loving Spider-Island so far.
Avengers Academy #19 – I’m getting a bit fatigued about this storyline. I mean I love the book, but haven’t the kids been stuck in the Infinite Mansion for several issues now? Anyway, Absorbing Man is making the Infinite Mansion grow until it hits Earth. And since the Mansion is as large as a city…yep, thousands dead. The kids make tough decisions as brilliantly as the adults do. And that’s why I love them.
Pick of the Week:
Ultimates #2 – In Hickman we Trust. This was pretty much ass action, with the usual Hickman SUPER-SCIENCE to explain the vast technologies involved with the Ultimate Future Foundation/Children of Tomorrow. Reed Richards is our villain for this storyline (unsurprising because of Hickman’s ties to the FF, and what Bendis established in the Ultimate Doom trilogy) and goddamn, is Hickman writing him well. The ending is spectacular and I can’t wait to see where this goes.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
WWE Monday Night Raw Supershow, 9/26/2011
Watched the new Adventure Time before Raw. Will be disappointed if no-one on Raw burst into song to open Triple H’s office.
Raw starts with a shitty song, of course. We open to an announcement of a main event, CM Punk vs. Alberto Del Rio. Should be awesome. Booker’s on Raw because Lawler’s still injured from last week, and the Hell in a Cell hangs above the ring like the proverbial Sword of Damocles. And here comes Haitch. OH MAH GOODNESS. Recap of last week’s show-ending angle, with the tease of an explanation as to why Haitch fired AwesomeTruth.
HHH says he fired them because of a WWE.com video they put out about a conspiracy list, and no-one should get in their way. Haitch says they got fired because they were full of crap, attacking a Ref, and a weak apology. The $250,000 fine gets put on Mark Henry for attacking JR and Lawler. Haitch again trots out the no one person being bigger than the company, and he’ll do what is right for the company…and then Vickie interrupts, and Dolph has something to say.
He asks what Haitch will do about Jackman punching him in the face and fracturing his jaw. Because he’s the kids’ hero, he can still compete but can’t eat solid food. He asks again what Haitch will do about the situation. Haitch says he doesn’t know what Dolph wants him to do, but offers security. Cody comes out and asks why Orton wasn’t fined when he busted Cody open. Haitch tells Cody to suck it up. OH BOY HERE’S CHRISTIAN. My Teddy Long senses are tingling. Christian complains about Sheamus costing him the World Heavyweight Championship. He asks Haitch how fair that is. Haitch reminds Christian that it was a Lumberjack match. Christian asks Dolph and Cody to join him in the biggest lawsuit in the history of WWE…but says he’ll reconsider if he’s given one more match. Haitch says he’s going to give Christian one more match…against Sheamus. On Friday, he’ll be given one more match…against Orton. And tonight, Christian will get one more match…against Cena. Christian asks if it’s a title match, Haitch answers in the negative, and Christian yells that THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE and leaves the ring. Dolph will defend the title against Zack Ryder. I’M MARKING OUT BRO. WWWYKI, exclaims Haitch. Dolph leaves angry. Cody gets the night off, and Cody says Haitch is a poor excuse for a COO. HHH is angry and puts Cody in a 10-man over the top rope match for the Intercontinental Championship. Teddy Long is sad he didn’t make some sort of Tag Match instead.
Cody Rhodes, Daniel Bryan, Drew McIntyre, John Morrison, Alex Riley, Ezekiel Jackson, Justin Gabriel, Ted DiBiase, Sin Cara and Sheamus are in. DrewMac and Sin Cara (BOTH OF THEM) are eliminated quick. DiBiase gets Cody back in the ring (he slid out) and Justin Gabriel skins the cat and almost eliminates Riley. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Riley out of contention and punches Gabriel out. Zeke eliminates Bryan and JoMo out of NOWHERE and AWW SHIT, hoss time. Sheamus and Zeke brawl. Cody eliminates Ted, and almost got eliminated by Zeke but uses Zeke’s momentum to eliminate the big man. Cody and Sheamus are left. Cody almost gets Celtic Crossed out of the ring. Sheamus gets distracted by Christian, but survives. Cody hits Sheamus with the mask and RETAINS. THANK YOU GOD. And Christian blindsides Sheamus out of nowhere and yells HOW DOES IT FEEL TO NOT WIN A TITLE?! Tremendous!
Recap of Lawler’s attack. Backstage, Otunga looks like a boy scout and talks to Johnny Ace about being a lawyer and Haitch not doing a good job. Johnny Ace tells Otunga that he’s got this, and TEXTS SOMEONE. Divas of Doom walk backstage and goddammit, Kelly package. I swear, Double K is becoming the John Cena of the Divas division. Anyhoo, The K’s and Eve are out against the DoD. And Beth is up against Eve first. Finally, some cohesion with the DoD. Nattie and Beth double-military press Eve and puts Eve in a…pretty indescribable submission hold that looks like an inverted Surfboard. Beth tags in and Eve fights out and tags Kelly. SMART by Nattie to lie down to avoid an Eve crossbody. Nattie gets tossed out but Kelly eats the Glam Slam and FINALLY gets the win over the K’s. See? The heels need to win every once in awhile.
OH SHIT here comes the World’s Strongest Champion. I do not envy whoever gets fed to him…and it’s Khali. Henry just looks at him as a $250,000 target. And Henry WAFFLES Khali with the belt pretty much immediately and WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM on the 420 pounder and the crowd is SILENCED. Or maybe they just don’t care about Khali. Henry gets the crowd back and angry at him and walks to the back. Henry is best champion. Speaking of champions, the terrible one, Cena, is walking to the ring. My god, just graft the stupid belt on Cena’s arm already.
The Cell is lowered slightly for a nice visual just hovering over the ring. Cue Cena yelling promo #540743074676. He yells about it being a triple thread HiaC, and calls it necessary because the belt is surrounded by controversy, what with Punk walking away with it at MitB, ADR cashing in and Cena winning (AGAIN LOL) and the controversy will be over once the Cell door is locked. Generic yelling promo about not giving up inside the Cell and there is no way in hell that he’ll lose the championship. Nope, not when your merch is selling.
ADR arrives sans Ricardo, and right behind him is Punk and they're gonna be on commentary for the Cena match. And OH MY GOD, Punk resurrects his Announcer’s jacket. Christian arrives and they almost miss announcing him. Fuck you, Cena. You distract Justin Roberts too much. Commentary is tremendous, at least. Generic Cena match with Christian taking advantage until the Five Moves. Yep, headbutt attempt turns into Shoulder Blocks. Christian kicks his face in and tries a Killswitch and gets countered into the usual Powerbomb, Five Knuckle Shuffle, and attempts an AA but Christian rolls outside. Cena throws Christian into the announce table (into Punk) and it breaks down when ADR attacks Punk. Christian and Cena go back in the ring and Del Rio hits Cena with an Enziguiri for the DQ. ADR says its his destiny to beat the hell out of both Punk and Cena in the Cell.
Pump your fists, because Zack Ryder is filming Z! True Long Island Story AND walking to the ring. Dolph arrives with Vickie and SWAGGER as we recap Jackman’s appearance last week. Dolph’s ANGRY and brutalizes Zack early on. Dolph just pushes Zack around like he’s nothing until he sidesteps Ziggler. FLURRY of offense and WOO WOO WOO, Broski Boot. Swagger hangs Zack up on the ropes while the Ref’s busy with Vickie, and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the win. Swagger and Ziggler shake hands and attack Zack when BOOM…Air Boom arrive and forget their music.
OH HELL HERE’S TEDDY. Vickie’s given three minutes (a commercial break) to find a third man for a SIX MAN TAG. If she can’t find a partner for Swagger and Ziggler, it’ll be two-on-three. BUT WAIT, WHAT ABOUT ZACK’S TITLE SHOT?! Apparently it’s forgotten and yep, 2-on-3. Kofi stars with Swagger. NICE dropkick for two. Bourne gets the tag and DOUBLE STOMPs Swagger’s shoulder. Evan tries a snapmare, but Swagger’s got the ropes. Ziggler tags in and HOT TAG SEQUENCE~ while Swaggie and Ziggles isolate Evan. Swagger gets Evan in a shoulder lock, but eats the KNEES and Kofi gets the tag. OH HELL, Vickie has Mason Ryan. This does not bode well for Air Broskis. Swagger with a huge right to Kofi’s jaw. Swagger tries for a back suplex but Kofi lands on his feet, tags in Ryder, but Swagger hits a HUGE Clothesline. Swagger tags Ryan in and TURNS ON SWAGGER and Ryan decimates Swagger and Ziggler. Ryder hits the ROUGH RYDER and Air Broskis win! The crowd goes WILD.
But goddammit, if Teddy just restarted the match and kept Air Boom on the sidelines, Ryder would be champ. CONSPIRACY~
Backstage, Boy Scout Otunga consults Ziggler, Cody, Vickie and Christian and lays down OSHA LAW and they conspire about a class action against the Haitches. Back in the ring, Ricardo announces Del Rio, who arrives in a Lambo. Nice. Punk arrives and, yes, it is Clobbering Time. Cena’s on commentary. Punk takes advantage early with CHAIN WRESTLING and PUNCHING DEL RIO’S HEAD. Punk and Del Rio are outside and Punk returns the favor and throws Del Rio into Punk. But back in the ring, Punk gets taken down by ADR. Kidney kicks and awesome viciousness by Del Rio. Punk avoids a running axehandle charge and gets the advantage against Del Rio. Punk lands on the apron after a throw attempt by Del Rio, but ENZIGUIRI sends Punk to the floor. Punk just gets the upper hand and GTS attempt into a DDT by ADR. Nice sequence. ADR’s working on the arm for the Cross Arm Breaker, of course. Punk gets ADR to the ropes, gets free, but ADR sidesteps and Punk eats the ring post. Del Rio tries a pin, but gets two. He charges Punk, but Punk sidesteps and ADR falls through the ropes. Nice. Del Rio gets hit with a BOOT by Punk and Punk gets the nearfall. Punk misses another kick, ADR attacks Punk’s left shoulder (which he’s been working the entire match), and gets a near-fall. Punk gets out of ADR’s hold and hits a sweet-looking swinging neckbreaker for two. Punk hits Del Rio RIGHT ON THE JAW with a swinging heel kick. Knee/Bulldog combo gets interrupted with KNEES TO THE ARM to earn Del Rio two. ADR calls for the Cross Arm Breaker, but Punk kicks Del Rio’s head off for THREEEEEEEEE. But…the Cell is lowering! Rodriguez attacks Punk, but Cena intercepts him. Ricardo gets thrown and eats a GO TO SLEEP from Punk into an Attitude Adjustment. GTS and AA get countered, Del Rio hits them both with a STEEL CHAIR. Del Rio jams the chair in the corner and throws Punk HEAD FIRST into it. ADR then uses the same chair and punishes both Punk and Cena with it. ADR stands tall as his music blares. Yep, no-one beats Ricardo up but him, and that’s our show.
Final Thoughts: RYDER WAS ROBBED. The Cell lowering was obviously Johnny Ace’s call. Nice build-up to HiaC but I don’t think it was an excellent go-home show.
I wonder where this lawsuit business is going. I also wonder who in the wardrobe department made Otunga look like a goof with his boy scout outfit and red bowtie look. He does not look lawyer-y in that get-up. It was hilarious, though.
Eh, let’s see what happens in the Cell.
Friday, September 23, 2011
WWE Friday Night Smackdown, 9/23/2011
We start with Johnny Ace in the middle of the ring, and the entire SD locker room is out for a special address, because Haitch isn’t here. He talks about how HHH has lost control of Raw, but after AwesomeTruth got fired, Johnny Ace says he regains control. And he introduces Mark Henry. The locker room just parts ways in awe of the World Champ. Johnny Ace shakes Mark’s hand, hands him the mic, and gets out of the ring. Smart move.
Mark says it took him 15 years to win the belt, and it’ll take 15 more for anyone to take it from him. He points the finger at Zeke and Teddy Long for not believing in him…but HO MAH GOODNESS, here comes HHH. He asks Mark Henry for the mic, but Mark refuses. At least long enough to add tension. Before Haitch talks, Christian has a mic and says to hold on. He says on behalf of himself and the roster, thanks him for the good job he’s done so far. Yep, he’s kissing ass to get a title shot. He says Mark Henry isn’t a marketable champion, and Christian deserves to be the face of Smackdown. Haitch tells the locker room that he’s in complete control of Raw, Smackdown and WWE. Haitch tells Christian it’s great to see him take the initiative and lead by example and sets up a Lumberjack Match for the World Championship match against Mark Henry. And the winner faces Orton at HiaC. Christian looks about ready to shit himself. Nice. And of course Henry stares Christian down and scares him out of the ring.
BACKSTAGE, Sheamus gets ready for his match against Heath Slater. Guess who’s getting squashed. I bet it’s the redhead. Anyway, Slater gets brutalized, eats the chest punches/knee combo which really looks painful. Slater actually hits some offense like a swinging neckbreaker, finally gets the big man down for awhile trying to keep Sheamus grounded and I have no fucking idea what Booker T is saying. Slater makes the big mistake of slapping the back of Sheamus’ head and HOOOO MAH GOODNESS, Sheamus runs him down. Flying shoulderblock and Sheamus calls for the Brogue Kick, hits it and that’s all she wrote.
BACKSTAGE, Christian goes Raw 2 and tries manipulating Khali. Khali says he understands Christian’s small. The piped-in crowd goes WILD.
Back in the ring, Wade Barrett w/ Jacket is up against former Corre/Nexus comrade Justin Gabriel w/ Shitty Theme Song. Wade quickly takes advantage and hits a big boots, throwing Gabriel out of the ring. Wade gets a two, but headscissors Wade outside and SUICIDE DIVE~ takes him out. This is surprisingly back and forth. Gabriel tries for a 450 splash, but gets kicked in the face by Wade and eats a Wasteland for the win. Go Wade!
Announced is Orton/Rhodes, who have always have great chemistry. If you’ve read the spoilers, there will be blood. Backstage, Orton cuts a boring promo. A better promo, the Hell in a Cell Highlight promo, airs afterward. Backstage, MORE manipulation by Christian, this time on Big Zeke.
In the ring, my favorite Chickbusters are in the ring and they’re gonna go up against Beth and Natalya. My god, the stupid booking. Anyway, Nattie vs. Kaitlyn and Kaitlyn hits a nice dropkick until a quick kick by Beth while the Ref’s back is turned. Kaitlyn eats a double suplex. Kaitlyn fights out and AJ gets the tag and hits a SHINING WIZARD on Beth. Kaitlyn intercepts Nattie, but AJ eats a Glam Slam for three. Aww, poor AJ.
Orton comes out to the delight of the PG crowd. And here comes Cody and the Bag Boys. Nice recap of Cody’s huge win against Orton two weeks ago. Orton blandly attacks Cody, and Cody tries going for Orton’s kneeee. Even wraps it around the ring post a few times. Cody loosens a turnbuckle, and while the Ref’s distracted, hits Orton in the face with the facemask for TWOOOOO. Orton’s angry and hits Cody with the Mask for the DQ. Orton attacks Cody repeatedly in the face with the mask. Outside, Orton grabs the ringpost and Cody is busted open. IS THIS PG YET? Orton hits a bleeding Rhodes with an RKO on top of the table. Interesting to actually see blood on WWE PG.
BACKSTAGE more Christian manipulation shenanigans, this time on Sheamus. As a peace offering, Christian gives Sheamus a potato. Sheamus eats it, but spits it out because it’s not an Irish potato, it’s from Idaho. TREMENDOUS.
Khali arrives with his Bollywood music, and it looks like he’s back to his old jolly Punjabi self. Jinder Mahal comes out and he’s pissed. And yeah, this is a squash. Khali tries for the Tree Slam but Mahal counters into a DDT. But yeah, Khali with the Tree Slam and humiliates Mahal with a cocky pin for the win.
Sin Cara is out and the crowd doesn’t know what to make of him. Recap of the Cara vs. Cara situation, and then Daniel Bryan comes out and he looks pretty angry. Excellent wrestling, of course, and Daniel Bryan puts Cara in the Surfboard. They actually mention Bryan’s losing streak, huh. Kick in the face and a crossbody earns Cara with a nearfall. Cara gets Bryan outside and headscissors him into the steps. A second Cara throws the first Cara off the ropes, Moonsaults Bryan for the three and WHICH IS WHICH? And when will Bryan win again? Where is this going?!
Backstage, Christian tries manipulating Zack Ryder, but Ryder’s cellphone goes off. HUGH JACKMAN is on and Ryder walks off. WWWYKI!
AirBoom is out and MAH GOODNESS we’re in for some Tag Team action. And this week, they’re up against the Usos, who have the awesome Siva Tau intro. Usos with a blind tag quickly and the twins have awesome tag moves. They frequently tag and isolate Evan, but he fights back with a kneeling headscissors to get Kofi in. Josh and Cole are just STEALING Booker’s lines as one of the Usos superkicks Kofi’s head off for the two. Trouble in Paradise/Shooting Star Press combo wins it for AirBoom and this was really fun.
Next up, the Lumberjacks fill ringside as Christian comes out. Dear God, Darren Young is pretty much Cena with a spray tan. Mark comes out and WIG-SPLITTERY IMMINENT. Big match intro, of course. Oh boy, Heel vs. Heel. The piped-in reactions will be terrible in this match. Christian tries running early but the Lumberjacks are in the way. Christian tries catching Henry but Christian eats an elbow and a throw into the turnbuckle. Christian tries a flurry of offense, but gets tossed out. Zeke gently places his knee into Christian’s gut and throws him in the ring. Henry tosses Christian upward and ow. Mark squeezes Christian’s shoulders in a vise grip. Christian kicks his way out and tries a springboard…into a Bear Hug. Chriatian gets out of the way of a splash and hits Mark with a nice flurry of offense and tries several clotheslines to take Henry down. It takes two missile dropkicks to take Henry down, but just for two. Killswitch attempt blocked into a clothesline for two for Mark. Christian tries a sunset flip on Henry and tries to sit down on Christian but he gets out of the way. The locker room tries to fight Henry, but uses Trent Barretta as a rocket into the entire roster. Christian tries running, but Sheamus catches him, throws him right into Mark for a World’s Strongest Slam for the win. Orton comes out to confront Henry and gets dropkicked out of the ring. Orton stands tall alone in the ring as the show ends.
Final Thoughts: Ugh, I really hope they don’t hotshot the title on Orton at HiaC. I’m really digging Henry’s title run so far.
I don’t know where they’re going with the Cara vs. Cara storyline, but one of them better dress differently or people will just get confused. But the biggest thing I learned on SD?
Never, EVER give Sheamus an Idaho Potato.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Random Comics, 9/21/2011
DC:
Green Lantern Corps #1 – Yep, we’re back to the old status quo in GLC. Screw the reboot. Someone’s killing Green Lanterns, it’s up to the buddy cop team of Guy Gardner & John Stewart to stop the perp. Y’know, after trying to get jobs back on Earth and failing. But then they assemble a GL team and stumble on to a mystery. I like it, it’s like a police procedural show, but in SPACE.
Red Hood & The Outlaws #1 – Well, at least Roy Harper has his arm back. And Starfire isn’t a victim of the New52 Pants-on-girls epidemic. But damn, this was a fun boom. Mysteries! Sex! Confusion about Jason’s new buddy named Essence! That Lady in Violet again!
Marvel:
Generation Hope #11 – This is pretty much what happens between panels in Schism, of course focusing on the GenHope kids. They fight amongst themselves (a Schism, if you will), and the New X-Men kids show up. Oh boy, team-ups are fun! Right until a gigantic Sentinel goes straight for Utopia (as seen in Schism #4). Fun little conflicts between Hope and Laurie. I’d like to see them butt heads more often.
X-Men: Schism #4 – This was excellent. You can actually see yourself on either Wolverine or Cyclops’s side. Neither is wrong. After reading this issue, I’m fully on board with the X-Men relaunch. I was iffy about Wolverine and Scott being on opposite sides, but with what they did in this issue? I’m in.
Pick of the Week:
Daredevil #4 – As much as I loved Schism, Daredevil was just excellent (AGAIN). Nnng, that wonderful art. I love the new direction Nelson & Murdock is taking, especially with other lawyers taking the Daredevil-is-Matt thing to their advantage. The clients representing themselves with Matt and Foggy’s help is a brilliant move, and Matt still does some Daredevil-ing on the side. This issue, Matt takes on a wrongful termination case, and his client’s blind. The last page is a nice little hook for the next issue. Brilliant writing from Waid and amazing art by Marcos Martin.
Monday, September 19, 2011
WWE Monday Night Raw Supershow, 9/19/2011
Our Guest Host this evening is Hugh Jackman for some reason. Let’s go NoC Fallout!
And we start with the Cult Of Personality! Punk looks a big banged up, but he’s dressed to compete. Punk’s handed a pipe bomb. He mentions his history in this building (Forfeiting the World Championship, Bob Holly punching him so hard he has a dead spot in his eye), and he mentions that AwesomeTruth might be right. There might be a Conspiracy…and is interrupted by Motorhead before he can elaborate. Yep, it’s all about the game again as he walks to the ring in his ill-fitting suit.
Haitch says he gives Punk credit, because he can barely walk, but he’s still COO. He mentions Hell in a Cell in two weeks, Cena winning the belt for the 10th time, and Alberto deserves a rematch…and Punk deserves a rematch, too. He announces a Triple Threat Hell In A Cell match for the WWE Championship. Haitch says if Punk doesn’t believe he’s not involved in the conspiracy (and takes his jacket and tie off), he doesn’t have a problem going to war again. Punk said that someone is using their hatred against each other to their advantage, and Johnny Ace interrupts. Johnny agrees there IS a conspiracy but it’s all on Punk. Punk says he’s upset because he’s figured out the conspiracy. He accuses Johnny Ace is responsible for sending Miz and Truth last night, sending Nash at Summerslam, and cutting his mic off last week. Haitch has heard enough and reminds Johnny Ace that he works for HHH. Johnny Ace tries to fire Punk, but HHH overrules it. But he promises that by the end of the night, SOMEBODY is going to get fired.
Jim Ross announces he’s interviewing Mark Henry (THAT’LL end well) and an 8-Man tag featuring Sheamus/Air Boom and Justin Gabriel vs. Christian, Wade Barrett and the McGillibuddies is NEXT. Nice counter from a headscissors attempt into a sidewalk slam from McGillicutty. I like the team they picked with 3/4ths Nexus for Christian’s team. I miss that group. Otunga prevents Evan from tagging anyone in, except when he makes a huge mistake and lets Sheamus in. SLOBBERKNOCKER. And an interruption by Barrett and McGillicutty makes me miss the Nexus even more, but an INCREDIBLE splash by Kofi takes Barrett out. This breaks down and Sheamus Brogue Kicks Otunga’s head off and finishes him off with the Celtic Cross.
Backstage in Haitch's office, Chad Patton and the other refs are concerned, but Alberto interrupts. He’s is angry about his HiaC Match, but Haitch says if he’d rather have his rematch tonight, it can be done. Alberto backs off, but wishes Vince would come back and run the company properly.
Ricardo’s in the ring to introduce YOUR MEXICAN ARISTOCRAT. Oh boy, ADR looks angry. Ricardo looks angrier, too. He’s up against John Morrison this week. I can sense some jobbery to ADR tonight. Yep, Alberto’s just taking out his anger on JoMo, and he’s focusing on the arm. A quick Cross Arm Breaker and JoMo’s DONE. Told you.
HERE COMES HUGH JACKMAN. He seems excited and actually runs the ropes. He says he’s excited, and that the Oscars were nothing compared to 15,000 fans. He shills his new movie Real Steel, but HERE COMES VICKIE GUERRERO, who introduces herself as Hugh’s biggest fan. Dolph’s jealous. Jackman actually introduces himself to Dolph. I don’t know if that was intentional. Dolph rants at Jackman for taking his celebration time. Dolph’s threatening Jackman and calls him and Cleveland losers. Jackman’s gonna go to the locker room, get the biggest underdog, and help him humiliate Dolph. HUGE WE WANT RYDER chants. Hugh grabs a Ryder > Wolverine sign from the crowd, rubs it in Ziggler’s face, and goes to the back.
Backstage, AwesomeTruth apologize to Johnny Ace, and go to Haitch’s office.
Back in the ring, the Original Sin Cara (the announcers think) goes up against Cody Rhodes w/ Bag Boys…But here’s ANOTHER Cara. This one’s got a darker skin tone, so I believe this is the real one. Yep, looking at them now, Hunicara is bigger. Hunicara attacks Misticara and FLIPS EVERYWHERE. Hunicara botches a headscissors. Misticara manages to throw Hunicara out the ring and, yes, Cody came out for nothing.
AwesomeTruth apologize to Haitch for interfering in his match. Truth also apologizes to the Little Jimmies, Both of them love their jobs and begs Haitch not to fire them. Haitch fines them $250,000 each and puts them in a tag match against Punk and Cena. Who is he, Teddy Long?
JR is in the ring and…Teddy Long’s walking away? Orton invokes his rematch clause. AT HELL IN A CELL. Oh god, poor JR. Mark Henry comes out and my god, I’m happy for the guy. JR congratulates him for proving his naysayers wrong. Mark accuses JR of being a naysayer. Mark says he hasn’t been in a HiaC match, but last night he gave Orton hell. The belt says “World Heavyweight Champion Mark Henry” on it. He will never forgive the naysayers, because they never believed in him. He tells JR to apologize for the crowd, and apologize personally. He mentions that JR wasn’t all that high on Mark, saying he’s injury prone. But he holds the title high as validation. He tells JR to take this opportunity to apologize, and JR does. He says he hates ass-kissers and grabs JR by the neck. Lawler runs in and tries stopping Mark by saying he’s spent 15 years trying to win the title and tells him not to tarnish it by hurting JR. So Lawler takes JR’s place and eats a World’s Strongest Slam. Mark kicks Lawler out of the ring and tosses him over the announce table. Mark hits the World’s Strongest Slam on Lawler through the table and walks away with his championship belt. Tremendous segment.
Josh Mathews takes over JR and Lawler. Ugh, here comes goddamn Kelly Kelly and Eve, out for a tag match against the Divas of Destruction. Nice, Beth and Nattie are wearing matching spike shoulderpads. Kelly gets the upper hand as Beth makes some mistakes until a big boot to Eve. Natalya tags in and the DoD hit a double clothesline for a 2 count. Eve fights out of the corner and rolls up Nattie for…the three?! Jesus Christ, what is with this booking?
Backstage, Jackman finds Zack Ryder and, yep, the crowd loves it. Dolph comes out with Ziggler, and Ryder gets a brofist with Jackman, who is wearing a Broski headband. BROMENDOUS. Ryder goes for a quick rollup for a two and a HUGE LET’S GO RYDER chant breaks out. Broski Boot for a quick two earns an ARE YOU SERIOUS BRO but Dolph takes advantage. Ryder goes for ANOTHER school boy for a quick two but a lightning fast dropkick by Dolph takes down YOUR INTERNET CHAMPION for two. Dolph slaps Zack right in the spiky hair and eats boots to the face. DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE and both of them are down. Vickie slaps Zack in front of the ref and she gets thrown out! Jackman hits a right hook on Ziggler behind the Ref’s back and ROUGH RYDER and he gets the three! Hugh and Ryder celebrate in the ring. Oh my God, are they actually recognizing Zack? Jackman fist pumps right into the commercial break. Nice.
Video package on Swagger, highlighting his accomplishments. Backstage, Vickie and Swagger are watching said video. Jack says he can grant her an audience with Hugh Jackman, if she signs him on to her stable. Vickie agrees and Swagger swags along right in front of Dolph.
Punk and Cena backstage, talk about mutual respect, and selling the HiaC match. Both of them say each might be fired before the end of the night. Video package on the Hell in a Cell, pushing the brutality that has happened in the cell. Great highlights of all the Cell matches so far. Gotta love WWE’s editing team.
In the ring, AwesomeTruth come out to their TREMENDOUS theme song. Well, Truth’s theme song, at least. But come on, it’s Miz’s home town. They still love him. Punk comes out and declares that is indeed clobbering time, but still walks gingerly. Fruity Pebbles comes out and the kids go wild and the smarks go why. Miz starts out against Cena, but Miz apologizes to Charles Robinson first. Aww. Miz tries to ambush Cena, hits a bulldog and tags in Punk. They hit a double hiptoss on Miz. Miz knees Punk in the stomach and tags in Truth. Truth takes advantage for a bit, Punk tags Cena in and wishbone on Truth. Truth tags Miz back in and oh, flashbacks of Cena and Miz’s great match at WM. Miz in control of Cena so far, but of course, SUPERCENA but Miz hits his Back/Neckbreaker combo for two. Truth tags in and grounds Cena. Miz tags in and Punk yells at Cena to fight back. Some kind of throw on Miz puts him down, but Truth gets tagged in before Cena can tag Punk in. AwesomeTruth are doing a great job isolating Cena. Miz back in and beats Cena in their corner. Miz turns his back on Cena to taunt Punk and Cena hits an inverted atomic drop, punches Truth but eats a clothesline from Miz. Miz misses his corner kick and Cena finally HOT TAGS Punk in and beats the shit out of AwesomeTruth. Springboard clothesline and Punk calls for the GTS. Miz counters, almost hits Truth on the ropes, but Punk pushes Miz into Truth, Miz eats a GTS and that’s all she wrote.
Cena and Punk celebrate in the ring for a little bit until Haitch comes out! He tells Punk “Good Match” and FIRES AwesomeTruth as Michael Cole freaks out on commentary! Oh, but they’re pretty angry and they’re going backstage after Haitch. The locker room watches as Scott Stanford tries interviewing Haitch before AwesomeTruth attack him fronm behind. The locker room breaks it up and throws AwesomeTruth out of the building. Triple H is MAD as he walks away, presumably to his office as the show ends.
Final Thoughts: Interesting show-ending angle. Gotta wonder how Haitch came to the conclusion that AwesomeTruth would be fired. Then again, he was going to explain it to Stanford before AwesomeTruth ran him over.
Yep, it’s gotta be Johnny Ace pulling the strings. Sad that Del Rio seems to have become an afterthought, but at least he had a great squash on JoMo.
Hugh Jackman looked genuinely happy to be in the ring, not just to shill his movie, and it gave Zack Ryder a nice rub AND a win against the US Champion.
All in all, a much better show than last night’s PPV, with added INTRIGUE at the end.
And we start with the Cult Of Personality! Punk looks a big banged up, but he’s dressed to compete. Punk’s handed a pipe bomb. He mentions his history in this building (Forfeiting the World Championship, Bob Holly punching him so hard he has a dead spot in his eye), and he mentions that AwesomeTruth might be right. There might be a Conspiracy…and is interrupted by Motorhead before he can elaborate. Yep, it’s all about the game again as he walks to the ring in his ill-fitting suit.
Haitch says he gives Punk credit, because he can barely walk, but he’s still COO. He mentions Hell in a Cell in two weeks, Cena winning the belt for the 10th time, and Alberto deserves a rematch…and Punk deserves a rematch, too. He announces a Triple Threat Hell In A Cell match for the WWE Championship. Haitch says if Punk doesn’t believe he’s not involved in the conspiracy (and takes his jacket and tie off), he doesn’t have a problem going to war again. Punk said that someone is using their hatred against each other to their advantage, and Johnny Ace interrupts. Johnny agrees there IS a conspiracy but it’s all on Punk. Punk says he’s upset because he’s figured out the conspiracy. He accuses Johnny Ace is responsible for sending Miz and Truth last night, sending Nash at Summerslam, and cutting his mic off last week. Haitch has heard enough and reminds Johnny Ace that he works for HHH. Johnny Ace tries to fire Punk, but HHH overrules it. But he promises that by the end of the night, SOMEBODY is going to get fired.
Jim Ross announces he’s interviewing Mark Henry (THAT’LL end well) and an 8-Man tag featuring Sheamus/Air Boom and Justin Gabriel vs. Christian, Wade Barrett and the McGillibuddies is NEXT. Nice counter from a headscissors attempt into a sidewalk slam from McGillicutty. I like the team they picked with 3/4ths Nexus for Christian’s team. I miss that group. Otunga prevents Evan from tagging anyone in, except when he makes a huge mistake and lets Sheamus in. SLOBBERKNOCKER. And an interruption by Barrett and McGillicutty makes me miss the Nexus even more, but an INCREDIBLE splash by Kofi takes Barrett out. This breaks down and Sheamus Brogue Kicks Otunga’s head off and finishes him off with the Celtic Cross.
Backstage in Haitch's office, Chad Patton and the other refs are concerned, but Alberto interrupts. He’s is angry about his HiaC Match, but Haitch says if he’d rather have his rematch tonight, it can be done. Alberto backs off, but wishes Vince would come back and run the company properly.
Ricardo’s in the ring to introduce YOUR MEXICAN ARISTOCRAT. Oh boy, ADR looks angry. Ricardo looks angrier, too. He’s up against John Morrison this week. I can sense some jobbery to ADR tonight. Yep, Alberto’s just taking out his anger on JoMo, and he’s focusing on the arm. A quick Cross Arm Breaker and JoMo’s DONE. Told you.
HERE COMES HUGH JACKMAN. He seems excited and actually runs the ropes. He says he’s excited, and that the Oscars were nothing compared to 15,000 fans. He shills his new movie Real Steel, but HERE COMES VICKIE GUERRERO, who introduces herself as Hugh’s biggest fan. Dolph’s jealous. Jackman actually introduces himself to Dolph. I don’t know if that was intentional. Dolph rants at Jackman for taking his celebration time. Dolph’s threatening Jackman and calls him and Cleveland losers. Jackman’s gonna go to the locker room, get the biggest underdog, and help him humiliate Dolph. HUGE WE WANT RYDER chants. Hugh grabs a Ryder > Wolverine sign from the crowd, rubs it in Ziggler’s face, and goes to the back.
Backstage, AwesomeTruth apologize to Johnny Ace, and go to Haitch’s office.
Back in the ring, the Original Sin Cara (the announcers think) goes up against Cody Rhodes w/ Bag Boys…But here’s ANOTHER Cara. This one’s got a darker skin tone, so I believe this is the real one. Yep, looking at them now, Hunicara is bigger. Hunicara attacks Misticara and FLIPS EVERYWHERE. Hunicara botches a headscissors. Misticara manages to throw Hunicara out the ring and, yes, Cody came out for nothing.
AwesomeTruth apologize to Haitch for interfering in his match. Truth also apologizes to the Little Jimmies, Both of them love their jobs and begs Haitch not to fire them. Haitch fines them $250,000 each and puts them in a tag match against Punk and Cena. Who is he, Teddy Long?
JR is in the ring and…Teddy Long’s walking away? Orton invokes his rematch clause. AT HELL IN A CELL. Oh god, poor JR. Mark Henry comes out and my god, I’m happy for the guy. JR congratulates him for proving his naysayers wrong. Mark accuses JR of being a naysayer. Mark says he hasn’t been in a HiaC match, but last night he gave Orton hell. The belt says “World Heavyweight Champion Mark Henry” on it. He will never forgive the naysayers, because they never believed in him. He tells JR to apologize for the crowd, and apologize personally. He mentions that JR wasn’t all that high on Mark, saying he’s injury prone. But he holds the title high as validation. He tells JR to take this opportunity to apologize, and JR does. He says he hates ass-kissers and grabs JR by the neck. Lawler runs in and tries stopping Mark by saying he’s spent 15 years trying to win the title and tells him not to tarnish it by hurting JR. So Lawler takes JR’s place and eats a World’s Strongest Slam. Mark kicks Lawler out of the ring and tosses him over the announce table. Mark hits the World’s Strongest Slam on Lawler through the table and walks away with his championship belt. Tremendous segment.
Josh Mathews takes over JR and Lawler. Ugh, here comes goddamn Kelly Kelly and Eve, out for a tag match against the Divas of Destruction. Nice, Beth and Nattie are wearing matching spike shoulderpads. Kelly gets the upper hand as Beth makes some mistakes until a big boot to Eve. Natalya tags in and the DoD hit a double clothesline for a 2 count. Eve fights out of the corner and rolls up Nattie for…the three?! Jesus Christ, what is with this booking?
Backstage, Jackman finds Zack Ryder and, yep, the crowd loves it. Dolph comes out with Ziggler, and Ryder gets a brofist with Jackman, who is wearing a Broski headband. BROMENDOUS. Ryder goes for a quick rollup for a two and a HUGE LET’S GO RYDER chant breaks out. Broski Boot for a quick two earns an ARE YOU SERIOUS BRO but Dolph takes advantage. Ryder goes for ANOTHER school boy for a quick two but a lightning fast dropkick by Dolph takes down YOUR INTERNET CHAMPION for two. Dolph slaps Zack right in the spiky hair and eats boots to the face. DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE and both of them are down. Vickie slaps Zack in front of the ref and she gets thrown out! Jackman hits a right hook on Ziggler behind the Ref’s back and ROUGH RYDER and he gets the three! Hugh and Ryder celebrate in the ring. Oh my God, are they actually recognizing Zack? Jackman fist pumps right into the commercial break. Nice.
Video package on Swagger, highlighting his accomplishments. Backstage, Vickie and Swagger are watching said video. Jack says he can grant her an audience with Hugh Jackman, if she signs him on to her stable. Vickie agrees and Swagger swags along right in front of Dolph.
Punk and Cena backstage, talk about mutual respect, and selling the HiaC match. Both of them say each might be fired before the end of the night. Video package on the Hell in a Cell, pushing the brutality that has happened in the cell. Great highlights of all the Cell matches so far. Gotta love WWE’s editing team.
In the ring, AwesomeTruth come out to their TREMENDOUS theme song. Well, Truth’s theme song, at least. But come on, it’s Miz’s home town. They still love him. Punk comes out and declares that is indeed clobbering time, but still walks gingerly. Fruity Pebbles comes out and the kids go wild and the smarks go why. Miz starts out against Cena, but Miz apologizes to Charles Robinson first. Aww. Miz tries to ambush Cena, hits a bulldog and tags in Punk. They hit a double hiptoss on Miz. Miz knees Punk in the stomach and tags in Truth. Truth takes advantage for a bit, Punk tags Cena in and wishbone on Truth. Truth tags Miz back in and oh, flashbacks of Cena and Miz’s great match at WM. Miz in control of Cena so far, but of course, SUPERCENA but Miz hits his Back/Neckbreaker combo for two. Truth tags in and grounds Cena. Miz tags in and Punk yells at Cena to fight back. Some kind of throw on Miz puts him down, but Truth gets tagged in before Cena can tag Punk in. AwesomeTruth are doing a great job isolating Cena. Miz back in and beats Cena in their corner. Miz turns his back on Cena to taunt Punk and Cena hits an inverted atomic drop, punches Truth but eats a clothesline from Miz. Miz misses his corner kick and Cena finally HOT TAGS Punk in and beats the shit out of AwesomeTruth. Springboard clothesline and Punk calls for the GTS. Miz counters, almost hits Truth on the ropes, but Punk pushes Miz into Truth, Miz eats a GTS and that’s all she wrote.
Cena and Punk celebrate in the ring for a little bit until Haitch comes out! He tells Punk “Good Match” and FIRES AwesomeTruth as Michael Cole freaks out on commentary! Oh, but they’re pretty angry and they’re going backstage after Haitch. The locker room watches as Scott Stanford tries interviewing Haitch before AwesomeTruth attack him fronm behind. The locker room breaks it up and throws AwesomeTruth out of the building. Triple H is MAD as he walks away, presumably to his office as the show ends.
Final Thoughts: Interesting show-ending angle. Gotta wonder how Haitch came to the conclusion that AwesomeTruth would be fired. Then again, he was going to explain it to Stanford before AwesomeTruth ran him over.
Yep, it’s gotta be Johnny Ace pulling the strings. Sad that Del Rio seems to have become an afterthought, but at least he had a great squash on JoMo.
Hugh Jackman looked genuinely happy to be in the ring, not just to shill his movie, and it gave Zack Ryder a nice rub AND a win against the US Champion.
All in all, a much better show than last night’s PPV, with added INTRIGUE at the end.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
WWE Night of Champions, 9/18/2011
We start with AwesomeTruth vs. Air Boom. Truth and Miz have the best entrance ever, I swear. Evan and Kofi have matching tights. And they’re so green. Nice frequent tags between Evan and Kofi and a nice double dropkick drops Truth, but both Miz and Truth get dives from the champs. Back in the ring, Truth is VICIOUS. Nice boot to Evan’s face behind the ref’s back from the Miz. Miz tags in, Evan tries a kick and gets SWATTED AWAY by Miz for two. AwesomeTruth are working awesomely so far…until Truth gets dropped. HOT TAG~ gets denied, until Miz tries a Skull Crushing Finale and a NICE COUNTER into the HOT TAG to Kofi. Boom Drop to Miz, calls for the Trouble in Paradise, Truth distracts Kofi but hits the RANHEI for two. A nice forward DDT from Miz after another Truth distraction gets another two. Nice hand clap behind the Ref’s back (WAIT THAT’S A HEEL MOVE) by Evan, and hits Miz with the knees. Shooting Star Press attempt by Bourne DENIED by Miz and the Awesome One hits another devastating DDT for another near fall, except for Kingston breaking it up. Truth tags, but Ref doesn’t see it. SCF gets hit and GODDAMMIT THAT WAS THREE. Miz hits the ref and…DQ?! WHAT. That’s such bullshit. CONSPIRACY! CONSPIRACYYYYY!
Cody/DiBiase next. Cody comes out first with the bag boys. Nooooo reaction for poor Ted. It’s the music, guys. I COME FROM MONAAAAY isn’t cutting it. WE WANT RYDER chants…but I dig the Ted/Cody feud. DiBiase hitting Cody’s mask ISN’T HELPING. Geez. Beautiful Disaster and DiBiase is down for two. He yells at the crowd to put the bags on. tremendous. NICE tribute to his brother Goldust by Cody with the lie-down chop, followed up by the rebound clothesline. Always love that move. Spinebuster by Ted gets two. Cody tries another Beautiful Disaster, but gets dropkicked out of the air by Ted, and Cody grabs the bottom rope to break the count. BORING chants as DiBiase throws Cody off the top rope. Ted rips Cody’s mask off, but gets rolled up by Cody and RETAINS. Great match and certainly not boring, Buffalo crowd.
Christian comes out and has the crowd chanting ONE MORE MATCH, referring to wanting another World Heavyweight Championship crowd. Listen to the crowd, WWE. After Christian insults them, they want him to be champ. Sheamus comes out and calls Christian a complaining little weasel. Sheamus wants to give Uncle Fergus’ lucky green testicle to compete at NoC. Christian counters saying he has the testicles to say he deserves one more match. Sheamus makes a deal, he’ll try to get Christian that match in exchange for him getting the first title shot. Christian immediately agrees and Sheamus leads the crowd into a ONE MORE MATCH crowds and suckers Christian into a Brogue Kick.
JoMo/A-Ry/Ziggler/Swagger is up. It breaks down early and parkour shenanigans gets a two count before Ziggler breaks up the count on Swagger. Swagger returns the favor and throws JoMo out. Swagger and Ziggler brawl in the ring continuing their feud. Ziggler gets a big boot from Swagger, but Riley shows out out of nowhere and hits Swagger with the TKO, but Vickie puts Swagger’s leg on the bottom rope for the break. Riley complains to Vickie, gets dropkicked out of the ring by Ziggler, then Ziggler gets a springboard kick from JoMo for two. JoMo goes for a Superplex spot, but Zigger resists and catches JoMo in a Tree of Woe. Riley OUT OF NOWHERE jumps to the top rope, but JoMo GERMANS Riley out of the way while still in the Tree of Woe. He rolls away and Swagger runs and THROWS Ziggler off the top rope. JoMo runs back in, hits a nice flurry of offense on both Riley and Swagger, hits a DDT on Swagger and kips up to the delight of the crowd. JoMo hits a C4 on Riley for 2. Wow. He sets Riley up for Starship Pain, Riley gets the Knees up, and JoMo eats a Sleeper. Riley eats an Anklelock, but Riley counters and kicks Swagger into Ziggler. Riley hits a running DDT and gets TWOOOOOOO to the delight of Vickie. Riley tries another DDT, but Swagger rolls him into an Anklelock. JoMo tries a springboard kick to Swagger, but Swagger lets go of Riley and hits JoMo with the Gutwrench Powerbomb. But Zigger pushes him away and RETAINS THE BELT. Tremendous. Swagger is disappointed, aww.
Backstage, Josh Mathews is interviewing Mark Henry and makes the mistake of reminding Big Mark of his missed opportunities. Josh is invited to interview Mark after he wins the belt. Matt Striker is backstage, and Vickie is elated about Dolph winning and Swagger wanting her services and is CONVINCED that she’s gonna take over if Haitch loses tonight. And randomly kisses Striker. Nice.
A PPV in two weeks? And it’s HELL IN A CELL?! Geez.
Next up is Orton vs. Henry. Nice video package about Henry’s recent dominance over the past half-year, contrasted with Orton’s anger issues. Henry comes out first and Cole actually does something cool and reminds people that it’s almost 15 years to the day that Mark debuted in WWE against Jerry Lawler. Orton comes out, and we’re reminded that he’s a 9-time world champion. Which means he’s fucking STALE. Big fight introduction by Chimel, and Booker reminds us all that he brought the World Championship to WWE. Nice.
Classic lockup and Henry TOSSES Orton to the turnbuckle to start. Orton tries to go for the knees, and tries to ground the big man. Mark rallies and goes for an early World’s Strongest Slam, but Orton counters with a sleeper hold. Henry powers out to force the break and a single punch on a prone Orton on the turnbuckle tosses the champ out. Mark wraps Orton around the turnbuckle and grabs Orton’s neck and FEET. Ow. Mark stands on Orton’s back, goes for a splash and Orton kicks out. But Henry just DOMINATES until a rally by Orton. Orton tries for a second-rope DDT but Henry headbutts him. WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM and Orton kicks out, frustrating Big Mark. Mark makes a mistake and gets DDTed. Count, but Mark grabs the bottom rope to break it. Orton’s usual mannerisms, but Mark catches him off-guard and kicks Randy’s leg out. Orton tries an RKO, but gets countered. World’s Strongest Slam and BY GOD MARK DID IT. You earned it, buddy! Great moment for Mark, but the crowd doesn’t like it. Hell, who cares. Mark earned his first World Championship.
Josh is in the ring and congratulates Mark. He yells at the crowd to stop cheering him, because THEY didn’t believe either. He welcomes them all to the Hall of Pain, and declares himself to be the most dominant champion of all time and vows to never lose the belt.
Backstage, Alberto and Ricardo walk with Johnny Ace. CONSPIRACIES. Alberto demands respect, and Johnny Ace wishes him luck…and wishes CM Punk (IN ICE CREAM SHIRT) good luck as well. Uh oh, Johnny has a cell phone.
Divas match is next. K2 comes out with Eve, dohoho. No reaction. HUGE pop for Beth (with Nattie), and she looks happy. “If Beth Loses We Riot” sign and I agree. Told you all it’d be a Punk-in-Chicago-esque reaction. Kelly looks scared, and LET’S GO BETH chants fill the arena. KELLY SUCKS chants as she rallies and gets a near-fall. Kelly flies and gets caught by Beth into a stomach breaker. At some point, Beth loses her headband and…I like this look. Kelly with a bulldog out of nowhere and BOOS. Eve tackles Nattie and Beth pulls her off. Back in the ring, Kelly tries going for quick pins, Goes for the K2 and gets her head snapped off by a clothesline. Beth tries for a Superplex to a huge reaction, but both girls are down. Nattie and the crowd are totally behind Beth. Beth drapes her arm across Kelly for 2. Beth looks a bit frustrated. Beth goes for a Glam Slam, but Kelly rolls through and…wins?! BULLSHIT. Commence riot.
Next up, Cena vs. Del Rio. I’ll assume the crowd’s gonna be dead for this one after the Beth match. Amazing video package about the WWE Championship and Del Rio’s win. Ricardo introduces YOUR WWE CHAMPION. but you already knew that. Except he doesn’t. Alberto comes out and apparently he lost his keys and bitches to Ricardo about it. BUT OF COURSE OUR HERO CENA STOLE THE GODDAMN CAR. But alas, real world rules do not apply to wrestling. Alberto steals the mic from Justin Roberts, and calls Ricardo in to properly introduce him. As it should be. Justin tries introducing Cena, but Cena steals the mic. Cena goes on a rant about class, and then introduces himself in a self-deprecating manner. And lets Justin say his name. This is fucking stupid.
Cena gets the advantage in the early going, as the CENA SUCKS/LET’S GO CENA dueling chants start up. Ricardo trips Cena out, god bless him. But he gets tossed out. Well, SHIT. Back in the ring, springboard kidney kick to Cena’s back after Cena tries charging at him. Del Rio punishing the back on the announce table. Back in the ring, Cena powers out and gets a two after a gutwrench suplex. Fisherman’s Suplex gets another two. Del Rio counters with double knees to Cena’s arm to set up the Cross Arm Breaker. Cena counters a headlock to a belly-to-belly for a 10 count spot as a YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chant breaks out. Another 10 count spot and Del Rio gets up and kicks Cena in the back of the leg. Cena eats a clothesline and tries a cover for a two count. Del Rio gets tossed out of the ring and Cena suplexes him in for YET ANOTHER 10 COUNT SPOT. Cena’s usual Five Moves Flurry, Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Del Rio counters the AA for a near fall. Cena goes for the Fameasser but Del Rio with the SPRINGBOARD KICK OUT OF NOWHERE for another near fall. Alberto ties Cena up for a Tree of Woe spot, but Del Rio hit his shoulder with a sick thud when Cena moves out of the way. Cena with a Fameasser for a near fall, and I’m impressed with Alberto. I thought for sure he broke his shoulder with that sick thud in the last spot. ADR goes to the top rope, hits a splash and gets a near fall. He goes for a Cross Arm Breaker, but Cena uses his brute strength to powerbomb Del Rio. Geez. Attitude Adjustment, Ricardo returns and STF to Del Rio, but ADR REFUSES to tap until he finally does and ugh. Cena’s the goddamn champ again. Great match, except the wrong guy won.
Cole’s losing his voice, and there’s one last match. Punk vs. Haitch. This is gonna be goooooood. Video package reminds us of what happened in the feud so far. Gee, I wonder if Johnny Ace’s text backstage will come to fruition. Punk comes out with the tremendous Ice Cream shirt. Haitch still looks ripped, especially for someone who hasn’t been in the ring for 4 months. Punk attacks immediately and oh my god, the Anonymous GM podium is still there. No DQ, so no count. Haitch tosses Punk across the announce table and it’s pretty much a brawl so far. Haitch goes for a Pedigree on the table, countered into a GTS attempt, but Haitch gets out of it and Punk immediately gets in the ring. In the ring, the two trade blows. Haitch gets the upper hand until Punk turns him around and hits HHH with shoulders. Punk’s momentum gets him tossed outside. Haitch tosses Punk’s knees into the turnbuckle. Punk gets back and tosses Haitch into the barricade. And Triple H returns the favor. Hunter follows Punk and they fight into the crowd. Punk takes control near the entrance way, but HHH counters and tosses Punk into the Minitron. Pedigree attempt, but Punk tosses Haitch over the Minitron. Punk tosses some backstage equipment at HHH and they beat each other back to the ring. Oh, and the crowd wants tables…but gets a chair instead. For a two-count. HHH hits a Double A Spinebuster for a two count. He tosses Punk into the steel chair set up in the corner. Classic chop block to Punk on the outside. HHH uses the turnbuckle to his advantage and hits Punk with the steel chair right on the knee. Ow.
DX chop, Haitch tries a Figure Four but Punk counters and kicks Haitch RIGHT TO THE STEPS. HHH is draped over the announce table and Punk hits a Macho Elbow THROUGH THE TABLE. Holy Shit chants. I concur. Poor Spanish Announce Table. “That was Savage,” says Lawler. I see what you did there. OH SHIT, AwesomeTruth is out and attacks BOTH Punk and HHH. Miz hits Haitch with a Skull Crushing Finale and Truth hits Punk with the Little Jimmy and DRAPES PUNK OVER HHH…for TWO as AwesomeTruth don’t believe it. Miz mouths off to Scott Armstrong, who HITS MIZ and AwsomeTruth lay Scott out.
OH SHIT HERE COMES JOHNNY ACE.
Punk and Haitch recover and toss out AwesomeTruth. Haitch hits the Pedigree out of NOWHERE but no ref. Johnny Ace is preventing new refs from counting the pin, and instead directs the second ref to help Armstrong. GTS to Haitch but Truth breaks the count and eats a GTS. Springboard Clothesline by Punk counters into a Pedigree but PUNK KICKS OUT. HOLY SHIT.
HOLY SHIT AGAIN, IT’S NASH. He hits both HHH and Punk, and Nash beats the shit out of HHH. JACKNIFE attempt, Punk saves Haitch but eats the Jacknife Powerbomb himself. Nash sets up a Jacknife through the second table, but SLEDGEHAMMER knocks Nash out cold. Another Pedigree ends this and…well, that was pretty good even with Haitch winning. That was CHAOS. Haitch DX chops a fallen Punk as the night ends.
Final Thoughts: Goddamn, was that a mixed bag. The main event was a clusterfuck of overbooking. The US Title Four-Way was great and the IC match was a nice surprise. I can’t wait to see where the Conspiracy goes with Truth, Miz, Nash and MR. FUTURE ENDEAVORS himself, Johnny Ace.
But the big story here is Mark Henry finally getting the recognition he deserves. Congratulations, Mark. You’ve earned it.
Cody/DiBiase next. Cody comes out first with the bag boys. Nooooo reaction for poor Ted. It’s the music, guys. I COME FROM MONAAAAY isn’t cutting it. WE WANT RYDER chants…but I dig the Ted/Cody feud. DiBiase hitting Cody’s mask ISN’T HELPING. Geez. Beautiful Disaster and DiBiase is down for two. He yells at the crowd to put the bags on. tremendous. NICE tribute to his brother Goldust by Cody with the lie-down chop, followed up by the rebound clothesline. Always love that move. Spinebuster by Ted gets two. Cody tries another Beautiful Disaster, but gets dropkicked out of the air by Ted, and Cody grabs the bottom rope to break the count. BORING chants as DiBiase throws Cody off the top rope. Ted rips Cody’s mask off, but gets rolled up by Cody and RETAINS. Great match and certainly not boring, Buffalo crowd.
Christian comes out and has the crowd chanting ONE MORE MATCH, referring to wanting another World Heavyweight Championship crowd. Listen to the crowd, WWE. After Christian insults them, they want him to be champ. Sheamus comes out and calls Christian a complaining little weasel. Sheamus wants to give Uncle Fergus’ lucky green testicle to compete at NoC. Christian counters saying he has the testicles to say he deserves one more match. Sheamus makes a deal, he’ll try to get Christian that match in exchange for him getting the first title shot. Christian immediately agrees and Sheamus leads the crowd into a ONE MORE MATCH crowds and suckers Christian into a Brogue Kick.
JoMo/A-Ry/Ziggler/Swagger is up. It breaks down early and parkour shenanigans gets a two count before Ziggler breaks up the count on Swagger. Swagger returns the favor and throws JoMo out. Swagger and Ziggler brawl in the ring continuing their feud. Ziggler gets a big boot from Swagger, but Riley shows out out of nowhere and hits Swagger with the TKO, but Vickie puts Swagger’s leg on the bottom rope for the break. Riley complains to Vickie, gets dropkicked out of the ring by Ziggler, then Ziggler gets a springboard kick from JoMo for two. JoMo goes for a Superplex spot, but Zigger resists and catches JoMo in a Tree of Woe. Riley OUT OF NOWHERE jumps to the top rope, but JoMo GERMANS Riley out of the way while still in the Tree of Woe. He rolls away and Swagger runs and THROWS Ziggler off the top rope. JoMo runs back in, hits a nice flurry of offense on both Riley and Swagger, hits a DDT on Swagger and kips up to the delight of the crowd. JoMo hits a C4 on Riley for 2. Wow. He sets Riley up for Starship Pain, Riley gets the Knees up, and JoMo eats a Sleeper. Riley eats an Anklelock, but Riley counters and kicks Swagger into Ziggler. Riley hits a running DDT and gets TWOOOOOOO to the delight of Vickie. Riley tries another DDT, but Swagger rolls him into an Anklelock. JoMo tries a springboard kick to Swagger, but Swagger lets go of Riley and hits JoMo with the Gutwrench Powerbomb. But Zigger pushes him away and RETAINS THE BELT. Tremendous. Swagger is disappointed, aww.
Backstage, Josh Mathews is interviewing Mark Henry and makes the mistake of reminding Big Mark of his missed opportunities. Josh is invited to interview Mark after he wins the belt. Matt Striker is backstage, and Vickie is elated about Dolph winning and Swagger wanting her services and is CONVINCED that she’s gonna take over if Haitch loses tonight. And randomly kisses Striker. Nice.
A PPV in two weeks? And it’s HELL IN A CELL?! Geez.
Next up is Orton vs. Henry. Nice video package about Henry’s recent dominance over the past half-year, contrasted with Orton’s anger issues. Henry comes out first and Cole actually does something cool and reminds people that it’s almost 15 years to the day that Mark debuted in WWE against Jerry Lawler. Orton comes out, and we’re reminded that he’s a 9-time world champion. Which means he’s fucking STALE. Big fight introduction by Chimel, and Booker reminds us all that he brought the World Championship to WWE. Nice.
Classic lockup and Henry TOSSES Orton to the turnbuckle to start. Orton tries to go for the knees, and tries to ground the big man. Mark rallies and goes for an early World’s Strongest Slam, but Orton counters with a sleeper hold. Henry powers out to force the break and a single punch on a prone Orton on the turnbuckle tosses the champ out. Mark wraps Orton around the turnbuckle and grabs Orton’s neck and FEET. Ow. Mark stands on Orton’s back, goes for a splash and Orton kicks out. But Henry just DOMINATES until a rally by Orton. Orton tries for a second-rope DDT but Henry headbutts him. WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM and Orton kicks out, frustrating Big Mark. Mark makes a mistake and gets DDTed. Count, but Mark grabs the bottom rope to break it. Orton’s usual mannerisms, but Mark catches him off-guard and kicks Randy’s leg out. Orton tries an RKO, but gets countered. World’s Strongest Slam and BY GOD MARK DID IT. You earned it, buddy! Great moment for Mark, but the crowd doesn’t like it. Hell, who cares. Mark earned his first World Championship.
Josh is in the ring and congratulates Mark. He yells at the crowd to stop cheering him, because THEY didn’t believe either. He welcomes them all to the Hall of Pain, and declares himself to be the most dominant champion of all time and vows to never lose the belt.
Backstage, Alberto and Ricardo walk with Johnny Ace. CONSPIRACIES. Alberto demands respect, and Johnny Ace wishes him luck…and wishes CM Punk (IN ICE CREAM SHIRT) good luck as well. Uh oh, Johnny has a cell phone.
Divas match is next. K2 comes out with Eve, dohoho. No reaction. HUGE pop for Beth (with Nattie), and she looks happy. “If Beth Loses We Riot” sign and I agree. Told you all it’d be a Punk-in-Chicago-esque reaction. Kelly looks scared, and LET’S GO BETH chants fill the arena. KELLY SUCKS chants as she rallies and gets a near-fall. Kelly flies and gets caught by Beth into a stomach breaker. At some point, Beth loses her headband and…I like this look. Kelly with a bulldog out of nowhere and BOOS. Eve tackles Nattie and Beth pulls her off. Back in the ring, Kelly tries going for quick pins, Goes for the K2 and gets her head snapped off by a clothesline. Beth tries for a Superplex to a huge reaction, but both girls are down. Nattie and the crowd are totally behind Beth. Beth drapes her arm across Kelly for 2. Beth looks a bit frustrated. Beth goes for a Glam Slam, but Kelly rolls through and…wins?! BULLSHIT. Commence riot.
Next up, Cena vs. Del Rio. I’ll assume the crowd’s gonna be dead for this one after the Beth match. Amazing video package about the WWE Championship and Del Rio’s win. Ricardo introduces YOUR WWE CHAMPION. but you already knew that. Except he doesn’t. Alberto comes out and apparently he lost his keys and bitches to Ricardo about it. BUT OF COURSE OUR HERO CENA STOLE THE GODDAMN CAR. But alas, real world rules do not apply to wrestling. Alberto steals the mic from Justin Roberts, and calls Ricardo in to properly introduce him. As it should be. Justin tries introducing Cena, but Cena steals the mic. Cena goes on a rant about class, and then introduces himself in a self-deprecating manner. And lets Justin say his name. This is fucking stupid.
Cena gets the advantage in the early going, as the CENA SUCKS/LET’S GO CENA dueling chants start up. Ricardo trips Cena out, god bless him. But he gets tossed out. Well, SHIT. Back in the ring, springboard kidney kick to Cena’s back after Cena tries charging at him. Del Rio punishing the back on the announce table. Back in the ring, Cena powers out and gets a two after a gutwrench suplex. Fisherman’s Suplex gets another two. Del Rio counters with double knees to Cena’s arm to set up the Cross Arm Breaker. Cena counters a headlock to a belly-to-belly for a 10 count spot as a YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chant breaks out. Another 10 count spot and Del Rio gets up and kicks Cena in the back of the leg. Cena eats a clothesline and tries a cover for a two count. Del Rio gets tossed out of the ring and Cena suplexes him in for YET ANOTHER 10 COUNT SPOT. Cena’s usual Five Moves Flurry, Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Del Rio counters the AA for a near fall. Cena goes for the Fameasser but Del Rio with the SPRINGBOARD KICK OUT OF NOWHERE for another near fall. Alberto ties Cena up for a Tree of Woe spot, but Del Rio hit his shoulder with a sick thud when Cena moves out of the way. Cena with a Fameasser for a near fall, and I’m impressed with Alberto. I thought for sure he broke his shoulder with that sick thud in the last spot. ADR goes to the top rope, hits a splash and gets a near fall. He goes for a Cross Arm Breaker, but Cena uses his brute strength to powerbomb Del Rio. Geez. Attitude Adjustment, Ricardo returns and STF to Del Rio, but ADR REFUSES to tap until he finally does and ugh. Cena’s the goddamn champ again. Great match, except the wrong guy won.
Cole’s losing his voice, and there’s one last match. Punk vs. Haitch. This is gonna be goooooood. Video package reminds us of what happened in the feud so far. Gee, I wonder if Johnny Ace’s text backstage will come to fruition. Punk comes out with the tremendous Ice Cream shirt. Haitch still looks ripped, especially for someone who hasn’t been in the ring for 4 months. Punk attacks immediately and oh my god, the Anonymous GM podium is still there. No DQ, so no count. Haitch tosses Punk across the announce table and it’s pretty much a brawl so far. Haitch goes for a Pedigree on the table, countered into a GTS attempt, but Haitch gets out of it and Punk immediately gets in the ring. In the ring, the two trade blows. Haitch gets the upper hand until Punk turns him around and hits HHH with shoulders. Punk’s momentum gets him tossed outside. Haitch tosses Punk’s knees into the turnbuckle. Punk gets back and tosses Haitch into the barricade. And Triple H returns the favor. Hunter follows Punk and they fight into the crowd. Punk takes control near the entrance way, but HHH counters and tosses Punk into the Minitron. Pedigree attempt, but Punk tosses Haitch over the Minitron. Punk tosses some backstage equipment at HHH and they beat each other back to the ring. Oh, and the crowd wants tables…but gets a chair instead. For a two-count. HHH hits a Double A Spinebuster for a two count. He tosses Punk into the steel chair set up in the corner. Classic chop block to Punk on the outside. HHH uses the turnbuckle to his advantage and hits Punk with the steel chair right on the knee. Ow.
DX chop, Haitch tries a Figure Four but Punk counters and kicks Haitch RIGHT TO THE STEPS. HHH is draped over the announce table and Punk hits a Macho Elbow THROUGH THE TABLE. Holy Shit chants. I concur. Poor Spanish Announce Table. “That was Savage,” says Lawler. I see what you did there. OH SHIT, AwesomeTruth is out and attacks BOTH Punk and HHH. Miz hits Haitch with a Skull Crushing Finale and Truth hits Punk with the Little Jimmy and DRAPES PUNK OVER HHH…for TWO as AwesomeTruth don’t believe it. Miz mouths off to Scott Armstrong, who HITS MIZ and AwsomeTruth lay Scott out.
OH SHIT HERE COMES JOHNNY ACE.
Punk and Haitch recover and toss out AwesomeTruth. Haitch hits the Pedigree out of NOWHERE but no ref. Johnny Ace is preventing new refs from counting the pin, and instead directs the second ref to help Armstrong. GTS to Haitch but Truth breaks the count and eats a GTS. Springboard Clothesline by Punk counters into a Pedigree but PUNK KICKS OUT. HOLY SHIT.
HOLY SHIT AGAIN, IT’S NASH. He hits both HHH and Punk, and Nash beats the shit out of HHH. JACKNIFE attempt, Punk saves Haitch but eats the Jacknife Powerbomb himself. Nash sets up a Jacknife through the second table, but SLEDGEHAMMER knocks Nash out cold. Another Pedigree ends this and…well, that was pretty good even with Haitch winning. That was CHAOS. Haitch DX chops a fallen Punk as the night ends.
Final Thoughts: Goddamn, was that a mixed bag. The main event was a clusterfuck of overbooking. The US Title Four-Way was great and the IC match was a nice surprise. I can’t wait to see where the Conspiracy goes with Truth, Miz, Nash and MR. FUTURE ENDEAVORS himself, Johnny Ace.
But the big story here is Mark Henry finally getting the recognition he deserves. Congratulations, Mark. You’ve earned it.
Friday, September 16, 2011
WWE Friday Night Smackdown, 9/16/11
It’s Edge Appreciation Night on SD, along with being the Night od Champions go-home show. I’m ready for horribly piped-in audience reactions.
We start with Edge, who gets an amazing reaction from the hometown crowd. Captions say his last match took place last April in Romania. Tremendous. Edge says how great it is to be back in Toronto. He says he misses wrestling, the friendships, the theme song, and of course the fans. Which is kind of funny since he shows up as often as Ric Flair did during HIS “retirement”. Anyway, Edge says he’ll host a special Cutting Edge with guests Mark Henry and Randy Orton. He gets interrupted by Cody Rhodes, who has his mask back.
Rhodes accuses Edge of sucking up to the fans, who all need paper bags. Edge counters that Cody should look in the mirror. Cody says he’s triumphant because he won against Randy on Monday and is the IC champ, making Edge the tragedy. He hands Edge a Paper Bag, and asks him to take it home, put it on the mantle as a reminder that Cody is the new face of Smackdown. Edge hands it back and says if Cody’s the face of Smackdown, Smackdown needs the Paper Bag. And leaves. Cody’s left in the ring, ignored, and bitches that no one is better than him and goes around the crowd, telling them they need paper bags…and is hit by someone with a paper bag. Who turns out to be Ted DiBiase! He drags Cody in the ring, and hits Dream Street to the delight of the crowd. He nabs a paper bag to put on Cody but Cody ran away. Now THIS is how you turn Ted face.
Next up is the Sin Cara/Daniel Bryan rematch. Bryan IMMEDIATELY goes after Cara and they start out brawling. Cara takes advantage of a slight mistime by Bryan, who gets tossed out. Back in the ring, Cara has Bryan in a leglock and Bryan gets out of it with STIFF ELBOWS but Cara keeps Bryan down with a dropkick to the head. Cara gets Bryan with a springboard headbutt. Cara tries a Springboard Moonsault but Bryan counters with feet right to Cara’s face. Bryan takes advantage with VINTAGE KICKS but Cara kicks out. VICIOUS kicks in the corner but Cara counters and gets Bryan in a tree of woe and kicks Bryan in the head but gets DQed…when Cara’s music hits? A second Cara comes out and confronts the other Sin Cara. Oh boy, Hunicara vs. Misticara. CARA WARS, BABY. I am excite.
Zack Ryder and Teddy Long are backstage! Teddy invokes a no-contact rule again for the Cutting Edge, and sends Zack to tell Randy and Henry that fact. Cue Aksana’s porn music and offers to massage Teddy. This isn’t very PG. Anyhoo, Trish Stratus comes in for a cameo.
In the ring are our lovely Chickbusters, AJ and Kaitlyn. AJ’s set for battle against Beth Phoenix. Oh boy. Apparently Beth can bench press more than AJ weighs. Geez. So yeah, Beth just military presses AJ. AJ tries to fight back with some pretty good offense before a quick and painful Glam Slam ends it. Kaitlyn comes in to get AJ out of there before the Divas of Doom kill them. Beth grabs the mic and tells the Divas that their fairytale is over.
Pretty great video package for Sheamus. Since he’s face now. Pretty awesome song choice, too.
Trish is teaching Edge some Yoga. Christian tries to make amends with Edge. Cause, Bros before everything. But Christian tries manipulating Edge into asking Teddy to give Christian another title shot, and reminds Edge that he was in his corner at Wrestlemania and runs off in a huff after Edge gives a disapproving look. Zack Ryder runs in and asks Edge to tell Randy and Mark about the no-contact rule. Trish is confused.
But nevermind that shit, Wade Barrett is here, teaming with Christian against Sheamus and Justin Gabriel. Sheamus grabs the stick and yep, Irish tales. Gabriel and Barrett face off, tries to go for a drop toe hold but Barrett maintains his balance and just punches Justin. Don’t see that every day. Sidewalk slam by Wade gets us the first pinfall attempt and Christian comes in. You can tell WWE production just tried to edit out Christian’s hometown crowd cheers. Just noticed Wade and Christian have matching Purple tights/trunks. Nice. Wade and Christian are isolating Gabriel and taunting Sheamus. For a really long time. Gabriel FINALLY hits a legsweep and gets the tag. Sheamus vs. Barrett. Aww yeah slobberknocker. I like Sheamus and Barrett’s chemistry. Sheamus hits the flying shoulderblock, tosses Christian out and counters the Wasteland into a Brogue Kick. Gabriel tags in, hits the 450 Splash and that’s all. Pretty exciting match, but the Hot Tag sequence went on way too long. Sheamus dares Christian to fight him but Christian backs off yet again.
Khali comes out to face the new Jobber to the Stars Heath Slater. This won’t end well for Slater. Pretty much a continuation of the Mahal/Khali storyline. Mahal comes out and just rants while Slater tries to mount some offense. Mahal comes in the ring and that’s a DQ. Slater and Mahal try to double team Khali, but Khali’s way too powerful and fights them off, hits Slater with the Chokebomb and Mahal runs away.
Next up is Truth vs. Bourne and Awesome Truth (as Truth dubs him and Miz) comes out to a classic Truth rap/rant. TREMENDOUS. You have to watch it. And of course, Michael Cole ejaculates all over it. Miz and Kofi are on commentary and they’re detracting from the pretty damn awesome action. Evan’s got some awesome counters, like the knees to Truth’s head during a delayed suplex attempt. SSP attempt got delayed with kicks and the Little Jimmy for the win. Have I mentioned how great Awesome Truth is? Cause they’re so great.
Next up, the Cutting Edge. Edge recounts how great Toronto is to him, having watched Warrior win the championship at WM6, and winning the IC belt in Toronto, so he’s proud to interview the current champion. But first, here comes Mark Henry. Orton arrives and stares a hole into Big Mark. Edge reminds the two of the no-contact rule, and then tells Randy that Henry has demolished pretty much everyone. Why does Randy think he can win, asks Edge.
Randy tells everyone that all the beatings he’s administered were after matches. Edge agrees, and says Mark’s career hasn’t been all that good, and questions Mark’s desire to win. And…Mark agrees? For the past 15 years, he’s seen people smaller and weaker than him win championships. People tell him backstage to come out and smile. He’s through smiling, so he’ll take what he wants from Orton, and declares he’s taking that championship. Orton calls Henry the World’s Strongest Failure. Oh boy.
Edge reminds the two that the no-contact rule is in place until the end of the Cutting Edge…and he slowly backs out the ring and says the Cutting Edge is over. Tremendous. Teddy comes out and calls in the entire Smackdown midcard to stop Henry and Orton from killing each other. The two fight the midcarders to get at each other until Mark powers out and hits Orton with a World’s Strongest Slam, a splash, and another WSS. Henry clears the ring of everyone with the exception of Orton and hit yet ANOTHER World’s Strongest Slam and poses with the World Heavyweight Championship as Smackdown ends.
Final Thoughts: I’m firmly behind Henry winning this Sunday. He’s long, long overdue for a major title, and I’m tired of Orton as champion. The Cara Wars have begun, and I’m excited as it frees up Bryan to actually get some wins under his belt. I’m excited about Ted DiBiase’s face turn and the Awesome Truth are always awesome. Can’t wait till Sunday.
We start with Edge, who gets an amazing reaction from the hometown crowd. Captions say his last match took place last April in Romania. Tremendous. Edge says how great it is to be back in Toronto. He says he misses wrestling, the friendships, the theme song, and of course the fans. Which is kind of funny since he shows up as often as Ric Flair did during HIS “retirement”. Anyway, Edge says he’ll host a special Cutting Edge with guests Mark Henry and Randy Orton. He gets interrupted by Cody Rhodes, who has his mask back.
Rhodes accuses Edge of sucking up to the fans, who all need paper bags. Edge counters that Cody should look in the mirror. Cody says he’s triumphant because he won against Randy on Monday and is the IC champ, making Edge the tragedy. He hands Edge a Paper Bag, and asks him to take it home, put it on the mantle as a reminder that Cody is the new face of Smackdown. Edge hands it back and says if Cody’s the face of Smackdown, Smackdown needs the Paper Bag. And leaves. Cody’s left in the ring, ignored, and bitches that no one is better than him and goes around the crowd, telling them they need paper bags…and is hit by someone with a paper bag. Who turns out to be Ted DiBiase! He drags Cody in the ring, and hits Dream Street to the delight of the crowd. He nabs a paper bag to put on Cody but Cody ran away. Now THIS is how you turn Ted face.
Next up is the Sin Cara/Daniel Bryan rematch. Bryan IMMEDIATELY goes after Cara and they start out brawling. Cara takes advantage of a slight mistime by Bryan, who gets tossed out. Back in the ring, Cara has Bryan in a leglock and Bryan gets out of it with STIFF ELBOWS but Cara keeps Bryan down with a dropkick to the head. Cara gets Bryan with a springboard headbutt. Cara tries a Springboard Moonsault but Bryan counters with feet right to Cara’s face. Bryan takes advantage with VINTAGE KICKS but Cara kicks out. VICIOUS kicks in the corner but Cara counters and gets Bryan in a tree of woe and kicks Bryan in the head but gets DQed…when Cara’s music hits? A second Cara comes out and confronts the other Sin Cara. Oh boy, Hunicara vs. Misticara. CARA WARS, BABY. I am excite.
Zack Ryder and Teddy Long are backstage! Teddy invokes a no-contact rule again for the Cutting Edge, and sends Zack to tell Randy and Henry that fact. Cue Aksana’s porn music and offers to massage Teddy. This isn’t very PG. Anyhoo, Trish Stratus comes in for a cameo.
In the ring are our lovely Chickbusters, AJ and Kaitlyn. AJ’s set for battle against Beth Phoenix. Oh boy. Apparently Beth can bench press more than AJ weighs. Geez. So yeah, Beth just military presses AJ. AJ tries to fight back with some pretty good offense before a quick and painful Glam Slam ends it. Kaitlyn comes in to get AJ out of there before the Divas of Doom kill them. Beth grabs the mic and tells the Divas that their fairytale is over.
Pretty great video package for Sheamus. Since he’s face now. Pretty awesome song choice, too.
Trish is teaching Edge some Yoga. Christian tries to make amends with Edge. Cause, Bros before everything. But Christian tries manipulating Edge into asking Teddy to give Christian another title shot, and reminds Edge that he was in his corner at Wrestlemania and runs off in a huff after Edge gives a disapproving look. Zack Ryder runs in and asks Edge to tell Randy and Mark about the no-contact rule. Trish is confused.
But nevermind that shit, Wade Barrett is here, teaming with Christian against Sheamus and Justin Gabriel. Sheamus grabs the stick and yep, Irish tales. Gabriel and Barrett face off, tries to go for a drop toe hold but Barrett maintains his balance and just punches Justin. Don’t see that every day. Sidewalk slam by Wade gets us the first pinfall attempt and Christian comes in. You can tell WWE production just tried to edit out Christian’s hometown crowd cheers. Just noticed Wade and Christian have matching Purple tights/trunks. Nice. Wade and Christian are isolating Gabriel and taunting Sheamus. For a really long time. Gabriel FINALLY hits a legsweep and gets the tag. Sheamus vs. Barrett. Aww yeah slobberknocker. I like Sheamus and Barrett’s chemistry. Sheamus hits the flying shoulderblock, tosses Christian out and counters the Wasteland into a Brogue Kick. Gabriel tags in, hits the 450 Splash and that’s all. Pretty exciting match, but the Hot Tag sequence went on way too long. Sheamus dares Christian to fight him but Christian backs off yet again.
Khali comes out to face the new Jobber to the Stars Heath Slater. This won’t end well for Slater. Pretty much a continuation of the Mahal/Khali storyline. Mahal comes out and just rants while Slater tries to mount some offense. Mahal comes in the ring and that’s a DQ. Slater and Mahal try to double team Khali, but Khali’s way too powerful and fights them off, hits Slater with the Chokebomb and Mahal runs away.
Next up is Truth vs. Bourne and Awesome Truth (as Truth dubs him and Miz) comes out to a classic Truth rap/rant. TREMENDOUS. You have to watch it. And of course, Michael Cole ejaculates all over it. Miz and Kofi are on commentary and they’re detracting from the pretty damn awesome action. Evan’s got some awesome counters, like the knees to Truth’s head during a delayed suplex attempt. SSP attempt got delayed with kicks and the Little Jimmy for the win. Have I mentioned how great Awesome Truth is? Cause they’re so great.
Next up, the Cutting Edge. Edge recounts how great Toronto is to him, having watched Warrior win the championship at WM6, and winning the IC belt in Toronto, so he’s proud to interview the current champion. But first, here comes Mark Henry. Orton arrives and stares a hole into Big Mark. Edge reminds the two of the no-contact rule, and then tells Randy that Henry has demolished pretty much everyone. Why does Randy think he can win, asks Edge.
Randy tells everyone that all the beatings he’s administered were after matches. Edge agrees, and says Mark’s career hasn’t been all that good, and questions Mark’s desire to win. And…Mark agrees? For the past 15 years, he’s seen people smaller and weaker than him win championships. People tell him backstage to come out and smile. He’s through smiling, so he’ll take what he wants from Orton, and declares he’s taking that championship. Orton calls Henry the World’s Strongest Failure. Oh boy.
Edge reminds the two that the no-contact rule is in place until the end of the Cutting Edge…and he slowly backs out the ring and says the Cutting Edge is over. Tremendous. Teddy comes out and calls in the entire Smackdown midcard to stop Henry and Orton from killing each other. The two fight the midcarders to get at each other until Mark powers out and hits Orton with a World’s Strongest Slam, a splash, and another WSS. Henry clears the ring of everyone with the exception of Orton and hit yet ANOTHER World’s Strongest Slam and poses with the World Heavyweight Championship as Smackdown ends.
Final Thoughts: I’m firmly behind Henry winning this Sunday. He’s long, long overdue for a major title, and I’m tired of Orton as champion. The Cara Wars have begun, and I’m excited as it frees up Bryan to actually get some wins under his belt. I’m excited about Ted DiBiase’s face turn and the Awesome Truth are always awesome. Can’t wait till Sunday.
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