LAST NIGHT…Awesome Truth cost Cena the championship.
TONIGHT…we start with Haitch NOT IN SUIT. And boy, he angry. He says Kowalski told him you can make friends, or you can make money. Trips says he had both, and names Shawn Michaels, Sean Waltman and Nash. He says Nash was one of those friends but saw that he changed into someone who wanted money more than friends. Haitch throws up the Kliq symbol. He says Nash broke his heart last night. He wants to take his anger out on Nash and tells him to get his ass in the ring. He says he’ll kick his ass if the last 20 years of friendship meant nothing. Johnny Ace arrives and says Nash is at home on his couch and Haitch says he’s not in the mood for this crap and tells him to shut up. Repeatedly. Ace interrupts him until Haitch reminds him that he’s still COO and tells Ace to find Nash and bring him a contract. Haitch says he’s willing to get arrested and embarrass the company…and as he walks up the ramp, Nash attacks Haitch with a sledgehammer TO THE BACK and Ace tells him to go to the back. Weird. Officials check Haitch out and NASH WALKS BACKSTAGE. Haitch is taken backstage and refuses help. Haitch collapses and the officials call for paramedics. IT’S SUPER-EFFECTIVE!
We got into somber Owen Mode while they replay the attack. They try load Hunter on to the Ambulance, but Nash stops them and props Haitch up and hits him in the face with the Sledgehammer. They officials finally get in between them and get Hunter up and he’s OUT. Ace says he’s sorry for some reason and they finally get him on to the ambulance.
Uh oh, tag team match. Orton’s here and I’m bored already. His partner is Sheamus. Their opponents are Christian and Cody (SANS Bag Boys!) and Randy and Christian start off. Randy throws Christian into an launching Shoulderblock by Sheamus and runs away to tag Cody, who eats CHEST PUNCHES and knocks Christian off the apron. Sheamus rams Christian on the outside and Cody catches Sheamus with kicks and hits a Russian Leg Sweep for two. Cody locks on a headlock. Back from the commercial break. Christian’s choking Sheamus on the ropes, but Sheamus fights off. Killswitch attempt counters into a PROTOBOMB and Sheamus tags Orton and CLOTHESLINE, CLOTHESLINE, POWER SLAM, Gutwrench side slam for two. Orton hits the second rope DDT, Cody distracts Randy and Christian hits the Pendulum Kick and SHORYUKEN for two. Cody tags and hits a beautiful dropkick on Orton. Christian isolates Randy until FLYING DROPKICK by Orton. Sheamus tags in and BRUTALITY ENSUES. Irish Curse backbreaker gets two. Sheamus calls for the Celtic Cross, missed a brogue Kick and BEAUTIFUL DISASTER by Cody. Christian spears Sheamus behind the Red’s back and Orton unloads on Cody. Orton hits the RKO on Christian, but gets dumped out by Cody. Cody gets caught and CELTIC CROSS by Sheamus gets the three.
BACKSTAGE, Steph is on the phone with Ace and Otunga’s in the background, and tells Ace that Steph’s just upset. Cena arrives and Otunga leaves. He demands a match against Awesome Truth and gets it…but Ace will pick his partner. Cena leaves and…ACE TEXTS~
The Muppets guest star on next weeks’ Raw. Aww yeah, it IS my birthday, isn’t it. IN THE RING, SANTINO IS HERE AND YOU ARE ALL ON THE NOTICE. And here comes Ziggler, with Swagger and Vickie. Santino tries some very easily avoided kicks and actually snapmares Dolph and threatens Ziggler with the COBRA. Dolph hits Santino in the face and stomps a mudhole in him. DROPKICK and taunt the crowd. Santino counters a clothesline with a split and hiptoss and headbutts Ziggler’s sternum. Swagger distracts Santino, who gets ZIG ZAGGED for three. Swagger gets in and Anklelocks Santino until Mason Ryan comes in for the save, kicking Swagger’s head off.
Backstage, ZACK RYDER is Cena’s partner. WWWKYI, Ryder is main eventing! And ADR is going to make a victory speech. Tremendous.
EL PATRON arrives in a black 2009 Maserati ($140,000) and calls everyone idiots for thinking Cena would win. He says he’s done with Cena and will move on to new challenges. But there’s no-one better than him…uh oh. AND HERE COMES PUNK with a PIPE BOMB! Punk says he hates interrupting and says he says he beat Del Rio multiple times, reminding Del Rio that he beat ADR four weeks ago. And he never received a 1-on-1 title match after cashing in MitB. He asks if Del Rio has the balls. Del Rio says Punk isn’t worthy and losers don’t deserve title shots. Del Rio says to come see him when he gets a victory he says Punk is in the back of the line. Punk retorts that maybe he doesn’t deserve a title shot and maybe if Del Rio doesn’t give him a title shot, he’ll put ADR to sleep anyway. SPEAKING OF PUTTING PEOPLE TO SLEEP HERE COMES JOHNNY ACE and says both of them make good points. He books ADR vs. Punk at Survivor Series for the championship, but Punk asks what’s the catch. Ace says Punk only has to tell Laurinitis he respects him. Punk says respect is earned, and says Raw isn’t any better with Ace is in charge. Punk says he respects Ace in Ace’s voice. Tremendous. Ace says to give it another try. Punk relents and says he respects Ace for going live with the deer-in-the-headlights look. He respects Ace for wrestling in a mullet and finding new levels of brown nosery and respects Ace for doing so little to get to the top. Ace says Punk isn’t suitable for a title shot and will make a decision next week. Punk says to think about this: and MME ELBOWS on Del Rio until Ricardo interrupts and GTS on Ricardo. Aww yeah. Loved Punk’s tirade on Johnny Ace. LOVE IT.
Nattie is up against Alicia Fox and her horrible new generic music. Alicia actually gets some offense before getting chop blocked by Nattie. Nattie cinches in a submission on Nattie and Alicia gets out of it and reverses the Submission and Nattie has to grab the bottom rope. Fox hits a random sunset flip in the corner for the win, but Nattie attacks her, but Alicia escapes both Beth and Nattie. What the hell.
Anyway, here comes John Morrison about to job out against Wade Barrett. JoMo gets some offense and avoids Barrett for awhile. Barrett walks outside for awhile until JoMo attacks Wade. Wade throws JoMo into the guard rail. Wade rams JoMo onto the apron and gets a two count. JoMo uppercuts Wade and FLIPPY SHIT EVERYWHERE and knee to Wade’s jaw for two. JoMo with a crucifix sunset flip for two, and Wade counters it into a sidewalk slam. Wade sets up for Wasteland but JoMo counters away into a russian leg sweep. Wade gets out of the way of Starship pain but couldn’t capitalize. JoMo springboards right into Wade’s shoulders (after a botch) and WASTELAND ends it.
Recap of the Haitch injury angle and apparently Haitch has suffered a concussion, a neck injury and possibly a broken neck. Cole grabs the stick and asks for attention. He brings up JR on the WWE live chat and puts up doctored JR photos. I THINK THIS IS A SHOOP. Cole says he’s had enough of JR and challenges JR to the Michael Cole Challenge (whose rules are under wraps of course) and if JR wins, Cole will quit and give JR his announce job back.
BACKSTAGE, Mathews introduces Zack Ryder and he’s excited about being in the main event, but Awesome Truth are mugging our boy Zack. ARE YOU SERIOUS, BRO?! Awesome Truth come out and…cut their own music off? Miz says the Awesome Truth revolution was derailed by Haitch. Truth says Haitch got what he deserved. Miz says their rose up to the conspiracy. Truth says the party’s just getting started. He says nothing is going to save Cena until he GETS GOT. These two have grown into their tag team. I love it.
Cena arrives and oh boy he’ll overcome the odds, won’t he. And he poses in front of the guy wearing the We Hate Cena shirt and directs him to give the shirt he’s wearing to the kid next to him instead. Nice. Cena starts off with Miz and beats him down in the corner, and hits him with the Fisherman’s Suplex. Miz tags Truth in and snapmare/elbow combo. Truth tags Miz in but Miz gets hiptossed. Truth distracts Cena and Miz DDT’s him. Miz tags in Truth and he gets Cena in a headlock, Cena backdrops him and Truth tags Miz in, who punches Cena and introduces him to the BOOT. Miz calls for his corner clothesline and hits it. Miz hits a top rope for a double axe handle. Truth tags in and knocks Cena silly for two. Truth stomps a mudhole on Cena, but Cena kicks him off and hits a Protobomb. Miz tags in but SHOULDERBLOCK, SHOULDERBLOCK, PROTOBOMB, YOU CAN’T SEE ME, FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE, AA attempt but WATER BOTTLE TO THE FACE gets a DQ and Awesome Truth don’t care. Skull Crushing Finale by Miz and Truth hits the Little Jimmy on Cena. Awesome Truth grab steel chairs and JOHNNY ACE ARRIVES TO STOP ANY ACTION TO EXCITE THE CROWD WHATSOEVER. Ace says Awesome Truth disrespected him like Punk did and tell them to leave the ring. But Ace tells Cena to choose his own partner at Survivor Series to face Awesome Truth. Cena grabs the mic, but goes on a tirade about the partners Ace chooses. Triple H gets deported out of Mexico, Ryder gets attacked. But Cena just got that HE would choose who his partner is and chooses THE ROCK and the crowd buzzes!
Final Thoughts: Well. That was a weird way to write Haitch off for awhile. And BAD WWE. Teasing me with Ryder in the main event. Stop playing with my heart, guys.
Still don’t care for Smackdown guys on Raw. Or the lackluster Diva’s match after the actual decent one last night.
I can’t wait for Del Rio/Punk one-on-one, if they indeed pull the trigger on it.
I don’t know why we’re still having this Cole/JR feud, but if it gets JR and Lawler back together without Cole? I’m for it.
That last segment…huh. I’m not sure this is better than the original Traditional Survivor Series 5-on-5 match with Rock and Cena on one team, but it’s got Awesome Truth so it could be good. It may still end up as a 5-on-5 provided they can get Ryder back and two other guys. You can throw Nash and two other guys (maybe Zig Swag?) on the other team. But a STRAIGHT-UP TAG TEAM MATCH? Man, that’s just lazy. And Teddy Long-ish.