We start off with a recap of the feuds at the top of the show, which is always great even with terrible booking errywhere.
Our opening contest is for the WWE Tag Team Championships as Vickie introduces Zig Swag. I love how they have matching AMERICAN tights. Also having matching tights are Air Boom with red and white. I’m not so sure about Air Boom’s new theme song, but Kofi and Ziggler are starting out with HEADLOCKS. Kofi gets out of it and MONKEY FLIP on Ziggles gets two. Evan tags in and DOUBLE TEAM FLIPPY SHIT DROPKICK on Ziggler for another two. Ziggler manages to tag in Swagger who eats a double team leapfrog stomp for two. Evan tags in Bourne tags Kofi in and hits DOUBLE DROPKICK for two. Kofi tags in and DOUBLE BULLDOG to Swaggie and botches because Evan tried for a pin when Kofi was the legal man. Oops. Kofi hits elbows and tries a springboard crossbody but Swagger catches him mid-air and hits a World’s Strongest Slam-esque maneuver which looked pretty sweet. Dolph tags in for the pin attempt and gets twoooo. REST HOOOOOOLD and Swagger gets tagged in. And continues REST HOOOOOOLDS. Kofi gets out of the headlock and avoids Swagger to tag in Bourne, who hits a nice leg scissors, kicks to the legs and KNEE TO THE TEMPLE, gets Ziggler some time in the flurry and KICK TO THE FACE of Swagger for TWOOOOOOOO. Evan calls for the Shooting Star, Ziggler tries intercepting but Bourne lands on his feet and DROPKICKS Swagger into Ziggler and hits a BEAUTIFUL Shooting Star Press…right onto Swagger’s KNEES. Ziggler tags in, tries a pin and KOFI PIN BREAKUP OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE. Ziggler slows the pace down with a submission hold that Bourne countered into a pin attempt for TWOOOOO, countered into a pin attempt by Ziggler for also two. Swagger tags in and gives Evan the VADERBOMB for two. Swagger attempts to attack Kofi but eats forearm and a rollup for two. Swagger gets countered out of an Anklelock attempt that throws him to the outside and Ziggler distracts the ref so Swagger can pull Kofi off the apron. Ziggler tags in and keeps Bourne away from Kofi. Swagger tags in and attempts another Vaderbomb and eats FEET TO THE CHIN. HOT TAG~ to Kofi and Swagger tags Ziggler in who eats a lot of offense until a RANHEI counter, PENDULUM KICK to Ziggles and a dropkick to Swagger on the apron leads to Kofi hitting a HUGE top rope crossbody for a very near count. Kofi hits the Boom Drop and calls for Trouble in Paradise, which Ziggler avoided. He couldn’t avoid the RANHEI though, and Ziggles eats Two until Swagger broke up the pin (hitting Ziggler in the process) and ANKLELOCK on Kofi, but Evan’s on the top rope and hits KNEES. Ziggler tries a rollup but eats TROUBLE IN PARADISE, Evan tags in and hits the Shooting Star for the WIN.
…AND HERE COMES ZACK RYDER. AWW SHUCKY DUCKY. Ryder starts with a flurry, hits an elbow for two (Swagger and Air Boom are sticking around, BTW.) LET’S GO RYDER chants. TREMENDOUS. Ziggler rolls out the ring, but Air Boom toss him back in…which gets them TOSSED OUT! ARE YOU SERIOUS, BRO?! Ryder continues with MOMENTUM, but Ziggler rolls out of the way as Zack hits the ropes. Ow. Zigger hits an elbow for two. Ziggler RESTHOLDS with a shoulder lock. Ziggler releases it and hits another elbow for two. Ziggler hits a STINGER SPLASH, tries another one but Zack escapes. BROSKI BOOT attempt was scouted and Ziggler got out of the way. Ziggler hits the FAMEASSER for two. Ziggler tries some sort of attack but Zack avoids it and hits the BROSKI BOOT. Ryder calls for the Rough Ryder, but Swagger trips him up while Vickie distracts the ref. Ziggler attempts ZIG ZAG but RYDER HAS THE ROPES and DROPKICKS Swagger on the outside! But Zack turns around and eats the SUPERKICK and that’s it. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Tremendous match anyway and Zack has a great reason to ask for a rematch without Vickie and Swagger around. But this was a great night for Ziggler with that huge Tag match.
BACKSTAGE…Punk and Ted DiBiase talk and Haitch arrives to clear the air with Punk. Punk promises to make sure Awesome Truth gets their unsafe working environment tonight. BUT HERE COMES BETH PHOENIX and the Butterfly Belt. WWE.com exclusive shows Kelly being attacked by Nattie and Beth. Eve attacks Beth and HERE COME THE AGENTS. Someone’s screaming like she’s been raped. Probably Kelly. Eve has terrible new music. Anyway, Nattie and Kelly have been banned from ringside. Eve and Beth just go at each other. Eve sunset flips eve from the top rope for two. Beth flurries and some actual good athleticism from Eve. Eve hits an Enziguiri and actually HANDCUFFS BETH with her own outfit. Eve kicks Beth in the back. WHAT A HEEL. Beth gets out of it and eats a forearm. Eve gets chop blocked and gets military pressed into the guard rail. Nice. Beth covers Eve for two and gets her in a submission hold. Eve attacks but eats an over-the-shoulder stomachbreaker. Beth legscissors Eve in the stomach and SLAPS THE BACK OF HER HEAD telling her tro cry. Eve gets out of it, hits a bulldog and a senton for two. Eve hits a weird legscissor shoulderbreaker submission. Geez, that looks like it hurts. Beth uses her legs to get to the bottom rope. I’m impressed with both Eve and Beth so far. Eve drives Beth’s face into the ringpost, but Beth hangs her up on the ropes. In the ring, Beth attempts a Glam Slam, but Eve counters it into a flip which gets Beth into the 619 position into a rollup for a very close two. Beth kicks Eve in the face and tosses her to the turnbuckle. Eve hits a kick and tries a moonsault, misses and eats a GLAM SLAM and GOOD NIGHT. That…was actually pretty good. Good on Eve for actually improving in-ring.
Backstage, Matt Striker interviews Big Show and asks him if he’s prepared. Show says Henry found out the hard way that bigger isn’t better, better is better. He says Henry’s House of Pain will crumble like a house of cards. Show says Vengeance will be his and so will the world championship. Show’s improved significantly on the mic recently. It’s jarring, but in a good way.
Christian arrives in his terrible shirt. Sheamus arrives with his awesome pendant. Christian slaps Sheamus right at the start and Sheamus BRUTALIZES Christian and hits a scoop slam. Christian hits another slap and eats a shoulderblock. Sheamus kicks a mudhole in Christian’s chest. Christian slides under Sheamus, slaps him, and Christian gets caught for the CHEST PUNCHES. Sheamus with a DELAYED VERTICAL SUPLEX (haven’t seen that in awhile). Christian hits a couple of neckbreakers to get Sheamus down. Christian gets tossed into the turnbuckle and avoids Sheamus’ battering ram, tying him up on the ringpost. Christian actually keeps Sheamus down and HEADLOCK countered into BACKDROP. Sheamus pushes Christian, but Christian counters with ROPE CHOKE, UPPERCUT and SHORYUKEN for two. Christian calls for a missile dropkick and hits it. Christian goes up top again but Sheamus moves out of the way of the Headbutt. Sheamus looks ANGRY and DOUBLE AXE CLOTHESLINES Christian’s face off. Christian leaps right into Sheamus’ arms, and gets a two off a Fall Away Slam. Christian hangs Sheamus off the ropes and uses his momentum to get him out of the ring. Sheamus counters into a shoulderblock and FLYING SHOULDERBLOCK for two.Sheamus military presses, but counters into SLAP and reverse DDT for two. Christian calls for the Killswitch, but eats a Celtic Cross attempt and just RUNS AWAY. Pendulum Kick attempt gets countered into a huge stomp. Killswitch attempt countered into a CELTIC CROSS but Christian gets out of it and hits two Pendulum Kicks. Sheamus hits the Irish Curse backbreaker for two. Sheamus calls for the Brogue Kick but it gets countered into a SPEAR FOR TWO. I fucking thought he had it there. Sheamus counters and gets up top for a Flying Shoulderblock attempt. Christian cuts him down, and hits the Hurricanrana. Spear attempt countered into a BROGUE KICK OUT OF NOWHERE and that’s IT. Tremendous match.
BACKSTAGE, Otunga and Johnny Ace are backstage and AWESOMETRUTH kiss up to Ace. They ask why they got reinstated…and Ace tells them they’re great suck-ups. And they say Punk and Trips suck. And also the state of Texas. Oh god, these two are great together. Pretty great video package as always. AwesomeTruth arrive with the GREATEST ENTRANCE EVER, now with 100% more AWESOME at the beginning. Punk has arrived, and yes, IT IS TIME FOR CLOBBERING. Haitch arrives and he should wear a suit while wrestling. Punk starts out with Miz. They play cat-and-mouse for a bit until Haitch slaps the back of Miz’s head, distracting him long enough for KICKING by Punk. Haitch and Truth tag in, and Haitch tries to punch Miz but he ducks out of the way. Turnbuckle gymnastics by Truth? Punch by Haitch. DX chop to Truth, ram into Punk’s boot and tag to Punk. Truth tags Miz in, goes for a clothesline but eats a drop toe hold. Surfboard attempt turns into a mongolian chop to the back and Miz gets rammed into Haitch’s boot for and a tag. Double suplex for a one count. Haitch puts Miz in the figure four and HEEL TACTICS, grabs Punk’s arms for leverage while Scott Armstrong’s back is turned. Tremendous. Punk tags in and WISHBONE for two. Punk locks up Miz’s arm and Punk grabs Haitch’s hand for leverage while Truth is freaking out on the apron. I love this, it’s Heel Tag 101. Punk with an irish whip to the corner, Miz elbows his way out and Punk walks his way right into a Truth knuckle sammich. Miz stomps a mudhole in Punk and tags Truth in. HEADLOCK grounds Punk, but Punk reverses into a back body drop. Tag to Haitch and KNEE to Truth, tosses Miz in, Spinebuster to Truth, KNEE LIFT to Miz and Double Clothesline sends Awesome Truth outside. Makes you almost forget Haitch’s growing love handles. Almost. Haitch tosses Truth in, Miz interrupts but eats a punch, and Haitch eats a baseball slide by Truth. Awesome Truth isolate Haitch, double shoulderblock and Truth gets two off it. LIE DETECTOR by Truth gets two. Miz tags in and hits a nice knee on Haitch for two. VINTAGE MIZARD OF OZ for Two. Truth tags in, double boot to the face for two. Truth locks Haitch into a headscissors. Haitch uses brute strength and reverses into an ELECTRIC CHAIR. Miz tries for his running clothesline and eats a clothesline from Haitch. Truth tags in, misses a scissor kick and Haitch plants Truth with a DDT. Punk FINALLY tags, HE’S FLYING with a Clothesline on Miz, Bulldog/Clothesline combo on Awesome Truth, scoop slam on Punk, Macho Elbow gets interrupted by Truth who gets taken out by Haitch. Punk hits the MACHO ELBOW. Punk calls for GTS but FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT’S KEVIN NASH OUT OF NOWHERE taking Haitch out. Punk tries for GTS, Truth runs in and LITTLE JIMMY/SKULL CRUSHING FINALE COMBO called LITTLE JIMMY’S FINALE and that’s IT. But outside, Nash is still beating on Haitch, throwing him into the steps. Nash throws him into the ring, clothesline’s Haitch’s head off and JACNKNIFE POWERBOMB. SHUCKY DUCKY QUACK QUACK. Nash walks off into the crowd.
BACKSTAGE, Johnny Ace: General Manager talks to Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo (with black eye) and complains about Last Man Standing. Ace tells him he’s never been in a HiaC match and he won that. ADR gets his point and walks of ACE TEXTS~
Recap of the Orton/Rhodes feud. Orton arrives first, Blandly. Cody arrives with Bag Boys and RETRO IC TITLE. Orton blandly clotheslines Cody, Cody tries a bulldog and gets tossed. Orton blandly attacks Cody, avoiding all of his offense and clothesline. Cody headbutts Randy outside the ring. Cody hits an exposed KNEEEE to Randy’s face. Cody elbows Orton in the corner Orton fights back, but eats an clothesline. HEADLOCK ON ORTON (how weird) but Orton gets out of it with a back body drop. Dropkick by Cody. This is pretty back and forth aside from Orton avoiding all Cody’s offense at the beginning. Cody with a Booston Crab on Orton, Orton fights out of it and kicks Cody in the face. Cody and Orton brawl for a bit and ALAFUCKINGBAMA SLAM gets two. Cody goes for a moonsault, but Orton gets out of the way. Orton with bland clotheslines and a powerslam. Cody fights out and goes to the top rope but gets intercepted with a dropkick for two. Orton with a gutwrench but Cody counters out and hits BEAUTIFUL DISASTER kick for two. Orton tosses Cody out on the apron and gets out of the DDT, countered into an Orton backbreaker for two. Orton hits a gutwrench sidewalk slam for two. Randy drags Cody to the top rope and tries a superplex, Cody hits a HEADBUTT and MOONSAULT…for two. Cody climbs up the ropes and misses a move and eats an Orton uppercut. BAG BOY distracts Orton, CROSS RHODES and…two?! FUCK THIS. Cody mocks Orton by calling for the RKO, but he eats a dropkick. Second rope DDT by Orton, and Orton calls for the RKO. The other Bag Boy distracts Orton, but Cody hits the Bag Boy instead, Cody eats an RKO and that’s it. What the fuck, man. LOLORTONWINS.
Huge hype for Rocky’s first match back on Survivor Series. Hype video for the Big Show/Henry feud. Tremendous. WWE’s video editing crew can make a mundane feud like this seem important. Show arrives first, then AWW SHUCKY DUCKY, here comes Mark Henry. Huge lockup and this is pretty much a brawl with Show getting the upper hand early on. Henry’s on the outside and recomposes himself. Show tosses Henry in and Show hits a kick. Henry goes out to recover again. Henry grabs his title to leave, but Henry gets tosses back in and HENRY WITH A CHOP BLOCK OUT OF NOWHERE, scoop slams Show and ELBOW to Show’s back. Henry targets the leg he Pillmanized with elbows and locks the leg in with some sort of submission maneuver. Henry drags Show back to the middle of the ring and keeps on the submission. Show uses his other leg to kick Henry’s face. tries a scoop slam but the leg buckled and Henry falls on top of him for two. Henry keeps on the leg, but Show uses the other leg to throw Henry off of him. DOUBLE FUCKING CLOTHESLINE and they’re both down. They brawl on their knees. Show gets on his feet first and HEADBUTTMANIA, clotheslines and butt splash/shoulder block combo gets Henry down. SCOOP SLAM by Show and calls for the chokeslam, hits it and HENRY KICKS OUT. Show calls for the WMD Punch, but eats a WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM for TWOOOOOOOOO. Henry goes to the…wait…top rope, but Show goozles him and CHOKELSAM FROM THE TOP ROPE gets…TWOOOOOOO! Show with a look of disbelief, goes to the top rope, but Henry intercepts with a…SUPERPLEX AND HOLY SHIT LESNAR FLASHBACK AND THE RING JUST COLLAPSED HOLY SHIT! THAT’S IT, NO CONTEST! FECAL CHANTS FROM THE CROWD FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER! I LOVE THIS SPOT SO MUCH. They’re calling for stretchers and the stretcher won’t fit Show. They cart out the flatbed they used to get Taker out of the arena at Wrestlemania, and Teddy Long and Johnny Ace appear to see what the hell they’re gonna do. Both guys seem okay and the crowd shows respect for both men. They drive Show out to the back, And Henry refuses help, but he can’t stand up. He finally allows people to walk him out to the back.
John Laurinitis grabs the stick and tells them that even with the state of the ring and the injuries sustained by Show and Henry, the Last Man Standing match will continue. Recap of the ADR/Cena feud and…nah, not even the WWE Editing Crew can save this one. Anyhoo, EL PATRON arrives and is angry at the state of the ring. Here comes Cena, thrilling your screaming demographic…and uh oh, he has new merch on that says “RISE ABOVE HATE” and poses with a guy wearing a WE HATE CENA shirt. Tremendous. I mean, Cena’s a bro, but the way he’s booked is terrible. Anyway, they get in the busted ring. Chioda rings the bell. Rodriguez gets thrown into Cena, who goes for an AA and Del Rio kicks him in the gut. Del Rio brutalizes Cena and hits a suplex and the ref counts to three. Del Rio kicks Cena in the face then the back. Del Rio throws Cena face-first into a leaning ring post and gets five. Del Rio gets tossed and a flurry by Cena derailed by a kick to the kidney. Cena gets backdropped thrice and keeps Cena down for seven, and Cena hits a clothesline. DOUBLE COUNT. Cena goes for an AA but Del Rio counters it with BACK CRACKER which keeps Cena down for 5. Suplex by ADR on Cena twice, but Cena counters into a suplex of his own. DOUBLE COUNT AGAIN. FIVE MOVES OF DOOM COUNTDOWN. Shoulderblocks, Check. Protobomb, Check. You can’t see me, check. Five Knuckle Shuffle sans running, Check. AA, no check because GERMAN SUPLEX. Gutwrench Suplex by Cena gets EL PATRON down for Four. TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER gets Cena down for a bit. Del Rio uses the ring post to his advantage, drags it on top of Cena and stomps on it, keeing Cena down for Eight. ADR runs in and eats an Attitude Adjustment, keeping them both down for eight. Cena tries another one, Ricardo sacrifices himself and Del Rio gets a sleeper on Cena. Cena’s out and COUNT…to eight. Cena tosses ADR into the barricade. Del Rio gets counted to seven. Cena slams him into the barricade again, but ADR tosses Cena into steps displaced by the ring implosion. Ricardo gets hung up by Cena on the ringpost (NOT THE JUEVOS), Cena drop toe-holds ADR onto the ringpost injuring the Juevos further. Well, he’ll have to announce ADR an octave higher. ADR gets out of the way of the ring steps thrown by Cena, and kicks Cena down. He tosses Cena to the steps. ADR throws more steps on Cena and COUNTDOWN. EIGHT and Cena’s up, flurry on ADR and they go backstage. Cena tosses ADR over the drink table. Cena uses LOL SUPERHUMAN STRENGTH to toss a utility container over ADR, but ADR gets out of the way and scoop slams Cena on top of said container. Cena’s down for seven. They battle to the interview area and drops the steel backdrops over Cena. but only keeps Cena down for eight. They battle back out and Rodriguez distracts Cena enough for ADR to toss him into the Vengenace V on the entrance way. El Patron sets up a table, climbs up the scaffolding but gets tossed into the table by Cena for a count of eight. They battle into the crowd and back on the ringside area. Del Rio tosses Cena over the announce tables. Del Rio takes apart the Spanish Announce Table and tries to toss Cena over it, but Cena tosses ADR into the guard rail. Ricardo tries to hit Cena with the belt, but gets intercepted. Del Rio tries for an enziguiri but hits the ring post instead. Cena sets up the ring steps and AA’S DEL RIO THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOIUNCE TABLE BUT HERE COMES AWESOMETRUTH AND THEY’RE MUGGING CENA. SKULL CRUSHING FINALE. LITTLE JIMMY. CENA IS DOWN! DOUBLE COUNT! ADR is up at FOUR and Cena’s up for NINE. ADR BELTS CENA. DOUBLE COUNT AGAIN. ADR is up at Seven with the help of a couple guys in the front row and THAT’S IT ADR WINS! HOLY SHIT!
Final Thoughts: The final match was just a BRAWL and I don’t know where the Awesome Truth angle is going. ADR retaining is the best thing that could have happened since Cena’s gonna be focusing on Rocky now.
The Orton match was just unnecessary.
Gotta give props to Dolph, he wrestled a marathon tonight AND retained the US belt…but for how long?
I rag on Eve a lot, but she did step it up tonight and her and Beth delivered a better match than Orton. Amazing.
I think we’re finally leading up to Punk/Nash soon, with the ending of the Haitch/Punk vs. Awesome Truth match.
Christian and Sheamus delivered a good match, but enough of this feud already.
Mark Henry and Big Show’s ending was tremendous, and that’s a spot you should not see often so when it does happen, it’s special. Tonight, it figured into the Cena/ADR main event and sets Henry and Show up for a bigger match at Survivor Series or somewhere.